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Style and beauty

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How do you handle your daughter being prettier and more stylish than you?!

182 replies

CambridgeBlue · 14/04/2014 09:11

I'm semi-lighthearted but I have to admit to a genuine pang yesterday when I went out with DD (nearly 12). She is growing up into such a beautiful girl and really developing her own sense of style. I am so pleased she is feeling more comfortable about herself as she's not the most confident girl but beside her I am ashamed to say I felt like a wrinkly, frumpy old bag (I'm 41).

I love clothes, beauty products and all of that (hence the amount of time I spend on here!) and think I'm reasonably stylish but it all feels a bit forced and try hard whereas with someone younger it seems much more effortless.

I know I sound really shallow but I wonder if other people feel the same. How do I deal with this as she grows up without it becoming an issue? She's not the only one who's not very confident underneath the 'front' we put on.

OP posts:
sunshinemmum · 15/04/2014 22:39

This reply has been deleted

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Partridge · 15/04/2014 22:40

Um...sunshine I am directly quoting from a few of the posts on this thread. Confused

Partridge · 15/04/2014 22:42

And actually sunshine you are not one of the posts I am referring to. Honestly. You sound like you are celebrating all your ds achievements and embracing him with realism.

sunshinemmum · 15/04/2014 22:48

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TheLadyRadishes · 15/04/2014 23:18

This thread is interesting and it is good to talk about beauty in-depth. I don't actually think it's wrong to take an interest in appearance or to compliment someone on their looks or style, and I think it is definitely not just a female thing.

Something has gone wrong somewhere when it comes to people, mainly women, obsessing over it and undergoing traumatic and unnecessary cosmetic surgery and hating parts of their body and so on. But all of this is on a sliding scale.

There is an extreme and worrying end of the scale, and there is normal, healthy self-care and titivation which applies to everyone and is what saves us all from being flea-ridden unwashed cavepersons. After all if someone comes into work having not washed or taken care with their clothes or grooming at all, you would start to worry - that they might be depressed, unwell or had some kind of problem. We do all use our appearance as a signal and notice each other's appearance.

If I say to DD you have such nice eyes or to DS I love that outfit you've put together, I mean it, and I am saying I appreciate you in x, y or z way, just as I might compliment a good homework effort, act of kindness or nice drawing. I think it's possible to do that without giving the message "you are more stunningly beautiful than other children and that is what you are all about". I am amazed at how my DC are much more good looking than me IMO, however I don't go on about that to them.

Also, stylishness is a natural attribute that is lovely to see in a person. It doesn't mean someone less stylish is less valuable, but for some people it's their thing. It's a design and aesthetic thing and we don't sniff at those in other areas of life. There's a girl in DS's class who just has it - she's not model-beautiful, she's stylish and I've complimented her a few times on a dress or hairdo. Why not? I can see that when I do, she knows where I'm coming from. Someone noticed the look she took care over. I think that is OK.

goodasitgets · 16/04/2014 00:36

It's an interesting thread. I wouldn't have minded not being told I was pretty - but something nice - smart/talented/funny... Anything positive!!!
It's ridiculous that I'm now 30 and have just worn shorts in public for the first time, and that I buy clothes a size too big, and that I've got this total acceptance that I AM ugly, and fat and stupid.

This really says it for me
internal-acceptance-movement.tumblr.com/post/57375170821

NakedFlame · 16/04/2014 01:16

I really do not think there is anything wrong with telling your children that they are good looking. In fact I go out of my way to compliment my sons on the way they look and over the years I have seen that they have grown in confidence. I think that I have a pretty healthy amount of self esteem myself and I put this solely down to my parents and siblings and the way we spoke to each other. At 44 I can see that the grey hairs and wrinkles are starting to creep up on me but I do not feel the need to get anything done since I am comfortable with it all.

My children's looks are very important to me. That is not because I am extremely shallow or vain myself. It is because I have seen first hand in other family members and friends the knock on effects of a lack of confidence. It is like a ball and chain. I won't hesitate to tell my sons how to look after their skin, wear braces (one already has them to correct an overhang) and look after themselves physically. In fact I wholeheartedly believe that a healthy dose of self esteem will result in a healthier attitude to looks in the teen and young adult years. This is not my no.1 concern in their lives of course and equal or more consideration is given to their education, health and emotional wellbeing.

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