How do you handle your daughter being prettier and more stylish than you?!

[CambridgeBlue]

I'm semi-lighthearted but I have to admit to a genuine pang yesterday when I went out with DD (nearly 12). She is growing up into such a beautiful girl and really developing her own sense of style. I am so pleased she is feeling more comfortable about herself as she's not the most confident girl but beside her I am ashamed to say I felt like a wrinkly, frumpy old bag (I'm 41).

I love clothes, beauty products and all of that (hence the amount of time I spend on here!) and think I'm reasonably stylish but it all feels a bit forced and try hard whereas with someone younger it seems much more effortless.

I know I sound really shallow but I wonder if other people feel the same. How do I deal with this as she grows up without it becoming an issue? She's not the only one who's not very confident underneath the 'front' we put on.

[balenciaga]

Aww just be proud of her

We all get older, it's inevitable, it's quite sad you feel this way :(

My 2 dd's are 4 yo and 8 days old and their beauty already outshines me

But I'm still ok looking and when I was younger I was quite stunning, didn't know it at the time of course but I look at old pics and think bloody hell.

[Partridge]

That is my point though. Of course we think they are beautiful - but they can't all be "head turning" or "stunning" or all the other adjectives used here.

I can evaluate my dc objectively and some are better looking than others. They are all wonderful, kind, funny people and I love them all equally. It would be so refreshing if someone came on here and said that their dd was pretty average looking. But that they had so many amazing qualities that it just didn't matter...

[Driveway]

I am 36 and I've never looked better! I pray this continues as I become more and more comfortable in my own skin. I'll be utterly stunning at sixty.
I hope DD isn't too jealous of me.

[MorrisZapp]

Yes, lots of tall skinny daughters on this thread. I was a dumpy, clumsy looking teenager but I was a brilliant laugh :)

[sebsmummy1]

I have to say the loveliest thing about my Mum is that even when I was in my prime she never made me feel as though she was the teensiest weeniest envious of me. She was always incredibly supportive and never tried to undermine my confidence or misguide me in anyway.

I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is work on your self esteem and find something more important to focus on than vanity.

[TheLadyRadishes]

My DD is only 4 but it's already extremely clear to me that she is/is going to be the looker I never was! DS is also very good-looking and has already had classmates' hearts a-flutter aged 8. I would never say so to my darling DP but he is not M&S model material either. I look at them and I look at us and I think HOW the hell did we spawn these two? :o

I think it helps that though I do like clothes and make-up etc I've never really thought of myself as beautiful and never pinned anything on that IYSWIM. I intend to grow old in my own ahem, unique style and not to compete with DD which would be daft. In fact I think our kids are more likely to appreciate us sticking to what we're good at and accepting that we are old. There's nothing more embarrassing for a teen than "down with the kids" "still got it" parents.

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

Interesting thread.

My DDs are younger so I have yet to encounter this issue. They are both already gorgeous (especially DD2) but I can't imagine feeling jealous.... It just feels like it's the way it should be... The natural order of things.

My mum was pretty competitive with me when I was a teenager. Very critical. I am very overweight at the moment so less likely to feel that way TBH.

[goodasitgets]

Don't ever let her know how you feel. I've lived with a jealous parents who continuously told me how fat I was and clothes didn't suit me and this looked awful and etc etc etc
Now people tell me I'm pretty and I don't ever believe them
I'm NC with parent and having to undergo counselling for food issues and a belief that I am too ugly and fat to ever have a relationship. They fucked up my entire life and ruined my chance for children and a family
Please tell her an outfit looks good or she is smart or beautiful or anything like that. It's really hard to never hear that

[foxdongle]

I was so pleased to have a daughter to carry on the beauty baton and I'm very proud that she is beginning to show signs of being the most beautiful in the family yet (only girl of that gen on my side) even surpassing my dsis who won a holiday camp miss young holiday princess or whatever in the late 1970s!

Am I jealous? no just happy for her. she's more clued up on fashion/make-up/hair than I was at her age (12) and our styles are waaay apart.
I had no interest in that stuff and was still playing with barbies

op -you can still look reasonably good at any age- just more effort is required the older we get.

I feel especially lucky at the mo as a girl in her school dm died recently- she's unfortunately not going to see her dd grow up at all .

[CambridgeBlue]

goodasitgets -I'm sorry you had to deal with that but you're missing my point if you think I would belittle my DD or tell her she didn't look good. Being slightly envious definitely doesn't mean I want her to feel bad or that I wish she was less attractive - I'd just like to feel a bit better about myself!

I compliment DD regularly on things physical or otherwise, she knows I think the world of her (and that this has nothing to do with her being or not being attractive). The only reason I am posting about this is to gain some perspective so I don't screw up as it seems your parents did :(.

[goodasitgets]

Ok I get that. I think it's working out what would make you feel better, is it something inside you're not happy with, or outside or is it a bit of "oh I'm not getting younger"

[MrsCampbellBlack]

I am so with you partridge.

But I recall fellatio starting a thread a while back suggesting that not every child was beautiful and oh the backlash.

And MrsDV as ever you put everything into perspective.

[Partridge]

Really? More incredibly beautiful children? Come on people, a bit of objectivity please!

Tell them how wonderful, smart, funny and quirky they are. And maybe occasionally tell them they are beautiful, but please don't make beauty this prize... It is really not that important, beyond most children's control and so secondary to all their other qualities. Let's try and get some perspective.

[MrsCampbellBlack]

Again, totally agree with you Partridge.

[BackforGood]

Partridge - My dc (1xds and 2 x dd) are all pretty average looking. I hope that helps.

I am just stunned that this OP has received the credence it has - the very concept of being jealous of your dc's looks is just incredible to me.

I don't know if it's the fact that so many people seem to think it's normal to judge 12 yr olds as being 'stunning' , or the fact that any parent could be jealous of their dc, rather than delighting in their good fortune at being {insert characteristic to be admired} that shocks me more.

[Partridge]

Suitably refreshed. Thank you mrsc and backforgood for transporting me back to reality and away from this utopian land of long-legged beauties around every corner. And also for the slightly more sensible take on what is important.

[MrsRTea]

I think it's important to be able to discuss negative feelings on MN without being witch hunted.

Denial is much worse than owning your darker flashes of emotion.

[Partridge]

Seriously though, these kids are being set up to fail. I can imagine their mothers, either gasping incredulously at their beauty (which is probably massively biased and subjective anyway) or gnashing their teeth that their daughters beauty has surpassed their own.

The generation of dc who are constantly being told how breathtakingly beautiful they are are going to turn into the op. Bitter and unable to handle the natural ageing process with any peace and dignity. I can't believe that some people can't see that.

It makes me and I can't believe that we aren't celebrating more important things in our dc.

[Suzannewithaplan]

above all I admire my daughters ambition, her 'get up and go', I was useless at her age (still am) she must have pulled herself up by her own bootstraps in spite of me :o

[BikeRunSki]

I grew up in the shadow of my taller/thiner/prettier/glamorous/
stylish younger sister. Nothing dd (2) can ever do or be will be worse than how my sister has made me feel on the past.

[insancerre]

i have never thought about it until i just read this thread
my dd is 17 and is beautiful, people often tell me so
she doesn't think she is, she is like me in that respect
i love her for who she is not what she looks like
i have no issues with growing old- im doing it quite disgracefully
as john lydon once said, when you are old you can wear what you want and it nobody cares
i can't ever imagine feeling jealous of her

[Partridge]

I'm sure he is. People comment on my dc all the time. In the queue for the bus, in the playground at school, at soft play... I tell people how cute, pretty, what beautiful eyes etc their kids have. I don't always mean it. It's smalltalk and it's quite common.

Actually in reaction to this thread I am going to stop the meaningless platitudes and think of something more meaningful (still nice) to say to them about their kids.