How do you handle your daughter being prettier and more stylish than you?!

[CambridgeBlue]

I'm semi-lighthearted but I have to admit to a genuine pang yesterday when I went out with DD (nearly 12). She is growing up into such a beautiful girl and really developing her own sense of style. I am so pleased she is feeling more comfortable about herself as she's not the most confident girl but beside her I am ashamed to say I felt like a wrinkly, frumpy old bag (I'm 41).

I love clothes, beauty products and all of that (hence the amount of time I spend on here!) and think I'm reasonably stylish but it all feels a bit forced and try hard whereas with someone younger it seems much more effortless.

I know I sound really shallow but I wonder if other people feel the same. How do I deal with this as she grows up without it becoming an issue? She's not the only one who's not very confident underneath the 'front' we put on.

[Bunbaker]

I would love DD to be more attractive than me. I was no oil painting at her age (which means that growing older has never been an issue for me, not having looks to lose).

I don't understand women who resent their daughters' attractiveness.

[Maisie0]

nikki1978 Yes, I was a workaholic. That is why I feel so burnt out. These days, I try to wear what I like. Well, within reason. I'm still a bit sheepish. Lol. In another lifetime, I think I was a daring passionate professional salsa dancing senorita. Hehe.

[Suzannewithaplan]

Of course I wish I didn't get older but resent my daughter her youth?
Or course not!
We all start out young and get older at the rate of one day per day, it's not as if some of us get to be perpetually 25 while others go straight from 11 to 75.
Each of us has a fair crack of the whip :o

[NakedFlame]

When I was a teenager my lovely mum used to tell me that she was really proud to walk down the street with me because people did double takes. She also used to say that I looked like a dark haired Grace Kelly. What beautiful compliments. I know lots of gorgeous women often younger than me and I think that I have enough confidence in myself to not be intimidated by them.

Now in my 40's I am more concerned with growing old gracefully and people tell me I look a lot younger so I am very happy about things as they are. I guess though that I had a lot of people telling me I was lovely when I was younger and so I don't have a self esteem issue with my looks even though TBH I think I am just pretty average.

It could be worse. I used to have a friend who was average looking and one day I went to her house and her mum was drop dead gorgeous. The family were Jewish and her mum was really dark and lovely and looked like a young Elizabeth Taylor. This woman was the most glamorous woman I had ever seen in real life. My poor friend!

[Bumpsadaisie]

Well I was always a tomboy who felt ill at ease with fashion hairdressers nail painting and all that stuff.

My 4yr old dd is the opposite, loves pretty skirts and hair bobbles etc. I imagine she'll be a v cool and beautiful teen and I will be v proud!

[TheWordFactory]

Oh my word, I love my DD's youth and beauty. She's 14 and she's a gorgeous tiny tea spoon of a thing.

I love that she's so relaxed about her appearance. Not for her the caked make up, 'done' hair, fake eye lashes.

She's just so damn cool .

[Snog]

I rely on looking friendly and smiley rather than looking a knockout and beautiful! My lovely teen dd and I tend to boost each others confidence in our general unique loveliness (mostly, life with a teen isn't smooth!). Being a mum generally helps me feel better about myself. A friendly smile is more attractive to me than a self obsessed face. I would sooner my dd looked prettier than me than vv. OP I think this is a confidence issue not really about your looks.

[TheOriginalSteamingNit]

WAs relatively okay with it until mirror said she is now fairest of them all. Popping out for special apples later.

[kerstina]

I am glad I have a boy ! When I was younger my mom often would say how she hated her wrinkles and it made me feel uncomfortable and a bit sad.I don't think its about envy just mourning what you are loosing.

[Slackgardener]

I do envy dd's ability to throw together the oddest combinations, her youth and slightness of frame allow her to look effortlessly cool in most clothes. But I don't mourn the passing of my youth, I feel better about my appearance now than I have ever done and I hope I can pass that on to dd.

[Suzannewithaplan]

Theoriginal, you could always make her stay home and sweep the kitchen while you go to the ball?

I may lock mine in a tower and make sure she doesn't grow her hair

[Fuckingforriner]

I don't know, I do not have a daughter, but my mum was prettier than I was and I was happy to have a beautiful mum and I made sure to tell her how I felt. Even now that she passed away when people see her picture say 'wow, your mum was so pretty' and it makes me feel happy

[Awks]

My dd's are 21 and 13 and they are both beautiful inside and outside. My job is to tell them this every single day and though I understand about the fading away feelings of becoming invisible, that's life and sometimes getting older does mean losing confidence a bit. Bets bit about having beautiful, fashionable daughters though is they buy the stuff Iwouldnt waste my money on like fugly shoes and I wear them. The worst thing is that I never, ever have any bleeding opaque tights as they steal them every, single day.

[lucymr]

Mrsdevere xxx

[Witchywitch]

Good point mrsdevere, so sorry for your loss x

[Hullygully]

good lord

[Mignonette]

Exactly how I feel- to moan about grey hair, aching bodies and not being able to wear hot pants is so not the point.

[CambridgeBlue]

A sense of perspective MrsDeVere - thanks x

[libertychick]

Oh Mrsdevere that's made me cry - so sorry for your loss.

[Partridge]

Do mn really have such a disproportionate amount of great genes. I am pretty shocked at how many people are proclaiming their dd are stunning. What happened to humility and self awareness? ( don't we all think our offspring are beautiful? I know my judgement is coloured...)

This emphasis on the beauty of dd makes me rather uncomfortable. What about kindness and creativity (or any number of other more important virtues). I know this thread is about teenage dd, but there is a slightly competitive undertone here. And as a dd who was not conventionally beautiful I am relieved that my dm was more concerned with me turning out to be a nice person than basking in my coltish beauty.

[Partridge]

I do realise there are several question mark fails in that

[Flofloflo]

Really good points partridge.

[Hulababy]

I think most people do believe their children, girls and boys, are beautiful. It would be sad if we didn't have at least a mother's belief that they were adorable, surely?

What one person believes is beautiful, another may not. Lucky really as, as a human race, we would be stumped.

But I know I, and others, have also said that there are far more important qualities we love our children for.