Fed up with DP going on about my DD

[Dontknowhowtofeelx]

Need to vent / ask for support?

DP and I live together with my DD(16) his DD (7) stays every week.

I do everything for my DD, he is not expected to contribute financially or practically with her. Very occasionally he may drop her somewhere but only if it ties in with what he is doing, but that is all.

He seems to think that she should be doing more around the house than she does, even though we have a cleaner weekly, I work from home so walk the dogs in my break etc. he will invent jobs for her to do (last one was wash the sofa blankets) which she agreed to do then he went on and on and on about it until she did it (as in he asked in the morning, moaned all day until it’s done a few hours later). He also helps with dinner for example and then moan the whole time that my DD could be helping.

I have just been making dinner and DD was helping me and I took some washing out the dryer to be folded, he was standing around so I asked if he could help, immediate moaning that my DD should be doing it. This time she was in earshot, so I did snap back at him and said that he does not get to constantly go on about what my DD is or is not doing.

He has got the hump with this, saying I promised him that she would do more to help us, (I didn’t) and tbh there is not much we need to do anyway? I have said that if he continues to make snide comments about my DD not helping as much then he won’t be able to live with us anymore and he is sulking now.

For the record, he is a Disney dad with his DD, she will help with jobs like carrying some logs in from the shed but is also very spoilt and gets away with whatever she wants. But I am not allowed to mention that because ‘we only get to see her a couple of days a week’

I just feel angry that he feels he can dictate to my daughter, but I guess some people would say I need to find jobs for my 16 yr old to do?

Hope this man is absolutely amazing in bed because nothing else about him sounds attractive

I am glad you said this but I have always thought this but been to scared to vocalise it. Honestly - why would you let a strange man bully your daughter?

So basically your DP is treating your DD like Cinderella. Major boundaries are needed here. She's not his skivvy. 😡 Sounds like you've put him in his place, anyway. Good. I hope you're able to break him of this behaviour and condescending attitude towards your poor DD, and if not, stick to your guns and throw him out. I bet your DD wouldn't cry if she never had to live with him again...

Sorry I am not meaning to miss messages.

To answer some questions, it is my house he moved into. I earn more. This behaviour has crept in, he wasn’t like it before I suppose start of this year when he started to say that DD can do more to help us when she is off in the summer after GCSE’s.

I am raising it as because of this, and the situation with his own DD things are just not good.

I will say, he moans and complains to me about it never to DD directly, which is why earlier today, when he didn’t know she was in the kitchen and started moaning so she could hear, I had it out with him! I will always defend her over him and he knows that!

Get rid of him. Spoilt Brat.
Feel so sorry for your daughter.

How long have you lived together?

In one sense him moaning about having to do things, sounds like he is just trying to push those things on to your DD so he can do less. So what does he do in terms of contributing to the household and in terms of housework, why does he think your DD should do things, any more than he should 🤔

Whose home is it, do you rent or own it.

None for me, he would have nowhere to go though

Even the most amazing golden d*ck and mind blowing sex would not be enough to watch my own DD be bullied by someone - there is not enough sex in the world that would make me compromise my children's safety and wellbeing and comfort. And I like sex!

You have just a few years left of your DD at home and to be her mum of a teen. Don’t waste this special time on him!

He's a bully, nothing more than that. Has he got any redeeming features at all . When he moans about your daughter you should just say well sorry, she's my daughter, this is my house, it would be better for everyone if you move out.

I'm glad you're defending your daughter, OP. Tbh, I would say moving in together hasn't worked and you'd like him to move out. If you both want to, you can date, but there's no point living together when you have different views on parenting and neither of you are going to change. (I wouldn't want to be anywhere near a Disney dad, so I can't really see his value...)

He sounds like a lazy, nasty bully who likes throwing his weight around but is too lazy to help around the house himself so bullies your poor DD into doing what HE should be doing!

You’d both be much happier living in peace without this moaning bully in your ears all the time! DD shouldn’t have to put up with it at all as she had no say in the shiftless article being there!

If you stay with him I imagine she’ll move out as soon as she can, then rightly keep her distance!

Ah okay I had just asked about whose home it is, then literally scrolled up and you had said it here.

So what was his situation before he moved in with you. The only other reason I ask, is because I have noticed a few men moving in with women and it suits not only them, but they also have a place to bring their child/children.

Seen and heard it happening a lot.

post from the op in a decades time….

’can anyone help please. My dd never visits. I have no idea why not. My partner is awful, lols, he bullied her when she was growing up, lols, doesnt do any housework, 😂😂😂 men huh, my life is awful because his dd visits and rules the roost, lols’

That's his problem to sort out. Presumably he's employed, so he can find a hotel/AirBnb until he finds somewhere to rent.

After all your posts and all the replies, I only have 1 question:

Why did you move this man into your home? Especially as a mum. What did he do / does he do that made you think he would improve the quality of your life?

From all your posts it's really hard to understand why you did this. Can you explain @Dontknowhowtofeelx

Not your problem, why can't he stay in a hotel , b&b, airnb or a caravan or doesn't he have any money either.

Kick.
him.
out.

Exactly what I was going to say!

Tough

NOT your problem. He's a twat and is treating your DD horribly. Quite why you're putting up with it - in YOUR house - I cannot understand.

I had a terrible time with my mother as a teenager and frankly I couldn't wait to leave when I went to university. I went back 3 times a year for a couple of days at a time after that. Don't make your DD feel unwanted, uncomfortable and unloved in your house - put her FIRST.

Tbh, same as most people.

I was naive and thought it would be ok? He was a parent too so I didn’t think there would be huge issues. Obviously you don’t know someone until you live with them.

been together 5 years, lived together for 3.5(ish).

tbh biggest regret was moving him in.

So where did he come from! Is he working? You need to get him out otherwise you'll be stuck with him whether you like it or not. As for your daughter, it's all about control and intimidation. He doesn't want her there. I mean, why would he?

He's a lazy, shit disney dad. They all have the same excuses 'I dont see them much' 'their mum lets them get away with more, so if i put my foot down they wont want to see me at all' 'i just want our time together to be nice and not arguing' and it is ALL an excuse to not do the hard bits of parenting.

Actually I come from this in a different way. How long has he lived with you and when did he last live with a 16 year old? My DP was a bit like this when we move in together. In some respects he was right, I was running myself ragged working full time and trying to do everything myself and it did take him pointing it out to me to realise I asked very little of them

it also took a while for him to settle into living in a family home again. I needed to reign in some of the things my kids did, he needed to learn to compromise a bit.

He can still be a pain but quite often he is guilty of the behaviour he accuses the kids of eg leaving used glasses by the bed, leaving shoes in the living room so I send him photos of his endeavours and faults and that shuts him up

I should add my kids do adore him even if he annoys them sometimes