Fed up with DP going on about my DD

[Dontknowhowtofeelx]

Need to vent / ask for support?

DP and I live together with my DD(16) his DD (7) stays every week.

I do everything for my DD, he is not expected to contribute financially or practically with her. Very occasionally he may drop her somewhere but only if it ties in with what he is doing, but that is all.

He seems to think that she should be doing more around the house than she does, even though we have a cleaner weekly, I work from home so walk the dogs in my break etc. he will invent jobs for her to do (last one was wash the sofa blankets) which she agreed to do then he went on and on and on about it until she did it (as in he asked in the morning, moaned all day until it’s done a few hours later). He also helps with dinner for example and then moan the whole time that my DD could be helping.

I have just been making dinner and DD was helping me and I took some washing out the dryer to be folded, he was standing around so I asked if he could help, immediate moaning that my DD should be doing it. This time she was in earshot, so I did snap back at him and said that he does not get to constantly go on about what my DD is or is not doing.

He has got the hump with this, saying I promised him that she would do more to help us, (I didn’t) and tbh there is not much we need to do anyway? I have said that if he continues to make snide comments about my DD not helping as much then he won’t be able to live with us anymore and he is sulking now.

For the record, he is a Disney dad with his DD, she will help with jobs like carrying some logs in from the shed but is also very spoilt and gets away with whatever she wants. But I am not allowed to mention that because ‘we only get to see her a couple of days a week’

I just feel angry that he feels he can dictate to my daughter, but I guess some people would say I need to find jobs for my 16 yr old to do?

Sounds difficult, I hope it’ll stop moving forward

He sounds jealous and immature. Not quite sure how this man improves your life or why you continue living with him. Your poor kid.

I’m sorry your DD has this idiot in her life. I would absolutely put your DD first and kick this idiot out.

Your poor DD.

What do you think would make it stop?! Iv tried talking to him about it, he just says I shouldn’t have ‘promised him’ or ‘lied to him’ about her helping more. Ridiculous all I said was that if you want her to do something ask her, this wasn’t enough and he feels she should be ‘taking initiative’.

He few up youngest child to a wealthy stay at home mum so he has no idea what it is like to be asked to do fuck all in the home as a teenager tbh so no idea where this even comes from

Your dd doesn’t deserve this situation. You need to do her a favour and move him out if he moved in with you.

Stick with him and she’ll be bd up being an adult who avoids visiting your home because of your dp.

What would make him stop? Kick him out. You’ve tried reasoning with him.

Sounds like it’s not his house and not his kid and he’s not paying anything or losing anything so he needs to STFU. I think you’ve dealt with this well. Needed coming down on hard.

Sounds like he's lazy and wants your DD to do more so he can do less.

He's not exactly a positive addition to her life, is he?

It stops because you read him the riot act and tell him that if he doesn't lay off your DD, you will kick him out. Then, when he inevitably won't change his behaviour, you follow through and kick him out, permanently.

Is he living in your house, I'd put my dd first and tell this man child to move out, why would you want him in your life making your dd life miserable.

This.

he sounds like an immature bell end, what does he actually bring to your life?

I would not be putting up with this. I'd much rather live with my DD on our own then have someone like that sharing our home.

He can go to Disney dad to his little princess somewhere else!

Nothing will make him stop because he’s decided he is right and will pick away at your dd over and over and over. As to whether you will allow him to treat her like that in your home is another matter.
I think what will make him stop is the wrong question. What will make you put a permanent stop to it?

My dh sometimes nags about teen son doing more. It comes from a place of wanting him to be independent, helpful and get some life skills. Admittedly I do baby my kids and I don’t think it’s a bad thing to encourage them to help a bit.

However this sounds more like he is picking on her for the sake of it and it wouldn’t sit well with me. If there’s not a lot more she can be doing and she is already proactive with the basics like keeping her room clean and generally being helpful if asked, I would really clamp down on this. Ask him what his problem is and tell him to stop getting at her. If he can’t manage that then you might have to follow through with your threat of him moving out.

I think it would be best for your daughter if he did move out. He clearly resents her and she deserves better.

Kick him out OP, his behaviour won’t get any better. What is he actually bringing to your life?

He shouldn't be telling her what to do in the first place, it's not his house, not her dad and not even your husband.

I could never ever make my own children put up with this nonsense and have no idea why any parent would. Just tell him to leave.

This doesn't sound pleasant for your DD.

Put your daughter first and get shot of him.

Making it stop isn’t rocket science op. End the relationship

Just tell him it’s not working out and he needs to move out.

Sounds like you and your girl would have a lovely peaceful life without him, his whining and his Disney Dad expertise.

What does he do for his DD in respect of chores or does he expect you to do that?

I would think this is not a nice household for your DD to grow up in and consider that.

Another case of a woman allowing her child to be treated like crap so she can keep her man. Why?!?!

What does HE do? What was stopping him from washing the sofa blanket? Owning a penis?

If it's your house and DDs home and safe place I would kick him out.