Fed up with DP going on about my DD

[Dontknowhowtofeelx]

Need to vent / ask for support?

DP and I live together with my DD(16) his DD (7) stays every week.

I do everything for my DD, he is not expected to contribute financially or practically with her. Very occasionally he may drop her somewhere but only if it ties in with what he is doing, but that is all.

He seems to think that she should be doing more around the house than she does, even though we have a cleaner weekly, I work from home so walk the dogs in my break etc. he will invent jobs for her to do (last one was wash the sofa blankets) which she agreed to do then he went on and on and on about it until she did it (as in he asked in the morning, moaned all day until it’s done a few hours later). He also helps with dinner for example and then moan the whole time that my DD could be helping.

I have just been making dinner and DD was helping me and I took some washing out the dryer to be folded, he was standing around so I asked if he could help, immediate moaning that my DD should be doing it. This time she was in earshot, so I did snap back at him and said that he does not get to constantly go on about what my DD is or is not doing.

He has got the hump with this, saying I promised him that she would do more to help us, (I didn’t) and tbh there is not much we need to do anyway? I have said that if he continues to make snide comments about my DD not helping as much then he won’t be able to live with us anymore and he is sulking now.

For the record, he is a Disney dad with his DD, she will help with jobs like carrying some logs in from the shed but is also very spoilt and gets away with whatever she wants. But I am not allowed to mention that because ‘we only get to see her a couple of days a week’

I just feel angry that he feels he can dictate to my daughter, but I guess some people would say I need to find jobs for my 16 yr old to do?

I wonder how your dd will remember her teen years. Pretty with regret at the situation you put her in.

You’re not making any sense now op. Is there additional information like he has you chained to the floor or something and that’s why you don’t leave this vile man?
you’re literally acknowledging he’s fucking awful, acknowledging that this is shit for your daughter, but seemingly still not realising what on earth the solution could possibly be.

He does 100% of the housework? It doesn't sound like it?

She does keep her room tidy, she does do washing (mostly her own but will throw extra bits in too), she can cook several dinners and if I give her notice she will cook dinner for us all, she also cooks for herself if we are both working. She will walk the dogs if I ask. Do anything I ask really. Always clears up after herself.

DD is studying 4 Alevels with EPQ, aspirations to attend a Russel group university to be a vet. So I do cut her some slack as she is working hard at school, trying to have a social life (no bf) but lovely friends, she also does a bit of work ok the side pet sitting for people in our village so she is by far from a lazy messy teenager.

Why does these women think its okay to inflict ghastly men on their children

Is it your house? Why can't he live somewhere else with his kid, and you still date?

Although why you would want to is a different question.

Would he be the same if DD was a DS? Does he believe a woman should do all the household chores while he sits around?

well if you kicked him out it wouldn't matter if he stopped being an arse because you wouldn't know about it....i mean (usual question) what does he bring to the party?

@claphamjunction123
They can’t bear being single is my guess. Any man is better than no man.
Low self esteem may be another factor, a childhood lacking in good relationships..

Are you going to answer any of the other posts? Or just continue letting your daughter suffer for this prince?

no idea....... I mean golden dick or something?

He says it’s about he being independent but it’s laughable because she is perfectly capable of a lot of things, it’s not as though she has to prove it to him but doing it all the time!

He is a moaner tbh. He moans about everything. I often joke it’s like he has been in prison for 20 years and is just tasting what adult life is like. As in going to work, doing life things, food shopping, parenting.

Right. So she’s absolutely bloody marvellous. But still you kneel at the feet of a man, a glorious man, you must have a man.

Why are you still with him, your dd sounds lovely and helpful, you sound a but strict too, she doesn't like him, you haven't got anything good to say about him, why are you wasting your time with a bully.

Ime as time goes on the resentment will build..
He can't handle you having your dd full time and he doesn't have his.
Ime.
It really is that simple

Time he left

This! It is as simple as this with men like this. Tell him clearly and act swiftly when he fails to respond properly. He has got far too comfortable in your house and is putting your DD down. He’d be out by now if I was you.

No, we have a cleaner.

I just feel angry that he feels he can dictate to my daughter, but I guess some people would say I need to find jobs for my 16 yr old to do?

We can't know exactly what's causing him to behave like this as his daughter is significantly younger than yours, so it's not a like-for-like scenario, but it sounds like he's jealous OP, and he's taking out his resentment on her.

Even though this is bad, as the end of the day, you need to take responsibility as a parent, and realise that he's only being able to behave like this because of your choices. Changing your relationship status is probably going to be much easier (and probably better for your daughter), than trying to change him.

Are there any barriers to your sitting down this afternoon and telling him to leave before bedtime?

You need to leave this horrible bloke.

youre blighting your daughters childhood and she won’t forget it.

My mum did the same and I haven’t really forgiven her in all honesty.

He is complaining about YOUR 16 year old daughter in YOUR house?
Does he know where the door is? If not show it to him next time.

She sounds like a great kid, OP.

He sounds like a total prat. Get rid.

He sounds like a nasty piece of work. He clearly can't bully you so he's trying to get to you through bullying your dd instead.
Honestly, you sound like you know what you need to do, kick him out.

Some women just want a man no matter what, unfortunately. These poor kids just having unrelated men sprung on them with no way out other than accepting the man’s poor behaviour.

Your poor child - he sounds awful. She’ll be free of him when she goes to uni and will prob make the decision to not visit so often. Not sure why you haven’t kicked him out.