Fed up with DP going on about my DD

[Dontknowhowtofeelx]

Need to vent / ask for support?

DP and I live together with my DD(16) his DD (7) stays every week.

I do everything for my DD, he is not expected to contribute financially or practically with her. Very occasionally he may drop her somewhere but only if it ties in with what he is doing, but that is all.

He seems to think that she should be doing more around the house than she does, even though we have a cleaner weekly, I work from home so walk the dogs in my break etc. he will invent jobs for her to do (last one was wash the sofa blankets) which she agreed to do then he went on and on and on about it until she did it (as in he asked in the morning, moaned all day until it’s done a few hours later). He also helps with dinner for example and then moan the whole time that my DD could be helping.

I have just been making dinner and DD was helping me and I took some washing out the dryer to be folded, he was standing around so I asked if he could help, immediate moaning that my DD should be doing it. This time she was in earshot, so I did snap back at him and said that he does not get to constantly go on about what my DD is or is not doing.

He has got the hump with this, saying I promised him that she would do more to help us, (I didn’t) and tbh there is not much we need to do anyway? I have said that if he continues to make snide comments about my DD not helping as much then he won’t be able to live with us anymore and he is sulking now.

For the record, he is a Disney dad with his DD, she will help with jobs like carrying some logs in from the shed but is also very spoilt and gets away with whatever she wants. But I am not allowed to mention that because ‘we only get to see her a couple of days a week’

I just feel angry that he feels he can dictate to my daughter, but I guess some people would say I need to find jobs for my 16 yr old to do?

Maybe it's a relationship not worth preserving. I wouldn't want to live in slum conditions caused by three other adults. Maybe it's time to leave and continue the relationship from a different house. One that is clean.

Make a thread when you are ready. There's plenty of us here to support you on that journey.

Cocklodger 🤣🤣🤣

You win the thread.

I hope she follows through, for both her and DD sake. So many women on here don't follow through, I know it's easy for me to sit here and write that on my phone, but honestly it can be incredibly depressing to read about.

@Madamefroufrou I just need to stand up for accountants. I am NOTHING like what you described and I am good at my job.

I don’t think this is the solution though. Even if he stops he doesn’t like her and treats her differently to his own dd. Not someone who enhances op’s or her DD’s life.

So sorry I hadn’t read the update. So happy you’ve done the right thing but especially happy for your dd who has been shown no one has to put up and shut up when being treated badly.

On these threads I always ask the same thing which is, What's the point in living together when you don't have kids together, you can have a relationship without living together you know.
Then someone points out most people expect more commitment in a relationship. And I think well yes but it's true, you don't have to live together if you don't want to. A good way of weeding out the cocklodgers and abusers is to say you don't want to live together until your youngest is 18, if the guy loves you he'll wait, he can always move in after a few years if he treats you well. A man looking for somewhere to live/a House maid /a free nanny will soon drop you and look for someone else.

Just point out to him you have no intention of turning your home into a Cinderella scenario because he is immature. I had this with my Dad when he remarried his new wife was only 13 years older than me and wanted me to work like a slave around her house when I visited- I refused and dad didn't insist, otherwise i would have stopped visiting him. His new wife was very immature and your DH sounds the same- dote on his own child and turn the step child into a slave.

So glad youve told him its over.

When is he moving out?

I think a lot of people do it to save money.

I was the DD's age in 1974/5! Born and raised in poor, very working class circumstances (didn't get a room that wasn't shared with a brother OR an bathroom/inside toilet until I was 16, when we moved into a council house) by very traditional, working class parents. My mother expected me to lay the table, help a little bit with chores, feed and walk the dog if she asked - that was ALL. The rest of the time she expected me to study in order to pass A levels to get myself a better life than SHE had led.

Don't get me wrong - I'm old gittish enough to think that most modern parents spoil, micro-manage and helicopter parent their children far too much - but the OP is the parent here and her "DP" (who barely parents his own child) is being a twat.

I'm so glad the OP is giving him the elbow.