Fed up with DP going on about my DD

[Dontknowhowtofeelx]

Need to vent / ask for support?

DP and I live together with my DD(16) his DD (7) stays every week.

I do everything for my DD, he is not expected to contribute financially or practically with her. Very occasionally he may drop her somewhere but only if it ties in with what he is doing, but that is all.

He seems to think that she should be doing more around the house than she does, even though we have a cleaner weekly, I work from home so walk the dogs in my break etc. he will invent jobs for her to do (last one was wash the sofa blankets) which she agreed to do then he went on and on and on about it until she did it (as in he asked in the morning, moaned all day until it’s done a few hours later). He also helps with dinner for example and then moan the whole time that my DD could be helping.

I have just been making dinner and DD was helping me and I took some washing out the dryer to be folded, he was standing around so I asked if he could help, immediate moaning that my DD should be doing it. This time she was in earshot, so I did snap back at him and said that he does not get to constantly go on about what my DD is or is not doing.

He has got the hump with this, saying I promised him that she would do more to help us, (I didn’t) and tbh there is not much we need to do anyway? I have said that if he continues to make snide comments about my DD not helping as much then he won’t be able to live with us anymore and he is sulking now.

For the record, he is a Disney dad with his DD, she will help with jobs like carrying some logs in from the shed but is also very spoilt and gets away with whatever she wants. But I am not allowed to mention that because ‘we only get to see her a couple of days a week’

I just feel angry that he feels he can dictate to my daughter, but I guess some people would say I need to find jobs for my 16 yr old to do?

Your poor DD he sounds like a real arsehole. Put her first OP, hes got it in for her by sounds of it. He wants her helping out so he doesn’t have to. And what’s the BS about him sulking cause you’d promised she’d help? ! Was that a condition of you living together?

You’re going to need to tell us some reasons that he has a place in your home, if there are any. Because it sounds like you’re sick of his sh!t and he doesn’t do enough to redeem himself. If he is a decent catch and this is a recent niggle, lay it out to him. ‘ You’ve clearly got a massive bee in your bonnet and you’re either going to need to get over it fast, or if it’s a hill you’re willing to die on, this isn’t sustainable.
Without knowing much- so only you will know if this sounds right, often misogynistic men often start to not like their own daters and create space between them when they become teenagers and start to have opinions and confidence- even if they have been doting fathers through their childhood so far. It makes sense that this would happen with step children.

He sounds ott about everything apart from his own child. I would be wary he thinks women should do the work so he can do less. I’m sorry to be that person but do not live with a man that wants to be looked after. Did he move from his mum to you? I honestly think it’s best to live separately when dc are involved. Dd is not his child it’s her house not his.

Some men. Bloody idiots. They only get to be children once. He could have just helped you and not moaned.

He's a bully. Hos canyoubear him to touch you. He is a tyrant.
He needs to go. Stop making excuses.

This.

Well done OP. Your daughter sounds brilliant. Your soon to be ex-P is a bullying prick.

Most important question, why are you still living with him ?

He needs to go. This is not a healthy environment for your daughter and he sounds like a man child. Get him out.

I say this as the step mother of two awesome teenage boys. Who want to get involved in whatever I’m doing naturally on their own terms. Your daughter is shying away from things because he’s such an asshole.

What do you think his reaction would be if you spoke about his child the way he was speaking about yours ?

As a step-parent who lives full time with my partner’s teenage DDs, as well as my own pre-teen and our toddler, it is difficult with older teenagers. I feel I am constantly picking up after my stepdaughters and they don’t do quite basic things such as emptying their bathroom bin, taking their washing out the dryer, tidying up after themselves, offering to do the dishwasher etc. It’s the lack of helping the family out and being selfish that I struggle with (though I appreciate selfishness is a universal teenage trait!!). My partner recently asked his eldest child for a £50 monthly contribution towards the household - she works full time for reference - which was met with a full blown argument about how she isn’t going to be paying anything. It is frustrating picking up after near-adult children and is a source of friction between my partner and I. I would feel the same if it was ‘my own’ kids - though I’d be a lot more strict and tough than my partner is!

He sounds sexist to me. Why should she be "helping" you with dinner so he doesn't have to do it?! If youre happy with the chores she's doing, and she isnt leaving the place like a pig sty then what's the issue? Why is he picking on her, that isnt okay.

Sounds like great news for you and your daughter. Good luck to you both.

Whaaaaat?! He is an adult and should be paying half. No children should be factored into who is paying rent or mortgage. At a push you'd accept that for electricity/gas/water, but certainly not rent or council tax. He should be paying half!

This guy is a giant man baby, it doesn't sound as if you even like him?! Cant you get rid. Do you want to be stuck with this whinging loser after your DD is at uni?? Do you even fancy this guy or have fun with him?

You're shagging a curmudgeon. 💯
His willy isn't worth it.
He sounds like Victor Meldrew 🫩

LTB.
Ship him off to his parents/extended family/cousins or even an exes house!
He is not your problem.

ETA: Your DD will thank you in future 😉
@Dontknowhowtofeelx

This is fascinating. What are the Virgoan women like? And where can I find out aboyt other signs? TIA

Look, hopefully the OP is kicking him out and this is the end of it. It would be terrible if her sex life were to be prioritised time after time over the wellbeing of a teenage daughter. Surely his mean spirit makes him seriously unsexy in any case.

good for you!

Ordered mine on Thursday , glad you are spreading the word 🤣👌

Please get rid of him!

But if you actually read all the OP's posts, you'll see that her DD does do quite a lot of things around the house.

Oh, total applause for you, @Dontknowhowtofeelx, for being so assertive. I reckon you knew really, but good decision to post here and have the situation laid out so clearly by MNers.

Your DD sounds fantastic, and you taking this action will surely only strengthen your relationship with her. In a way she’s saved you from god knows how many more years of moaning virgo man. It’s a win win. You do realise that her academic success and promising trajectory will have been threatening to him and even maybe subconsciously to his DD in his mind too..

(And laughing at mystic @Madamefroufrou who nailed your now ex so brilliantly)

How old is he now? One of your earlier posts said that he lived with his parents until he was 33. Maybe they've kept his bedroom for him 😂

Also your DD sounds awesome, sounds to me like she's got her head screwed on right and is going places!

Edit to add: that is probably why DP has an issue with her - he is jealous, plain and simple.

I'd suggest you get rid of this cocklodger immediately. And I'm a Virgo and am messy and don't run my finger along the mantlepiece if someone else has cleaned. He's just a twat.

Well it would in my house, he'd be out on his arse with a swift and hardy boot to help him on his way.
Kick the cunt to the grass, OP.

Ah...it's a rage bait post. Fake news🍊