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Original poster

Fed up with DP going on about my DD

463 replies

Dontknowhowtofeelx · Yesterday 13:36

Need to vent / ask for support?

DP and I live together with my DD(16) his DD (7) stays every week.

I do everything for my DD, he is not expected to contribute financially or practically with her. Very occasionally he may drop her somewhere but only if it ties in with what he is doing, but that is all.

He seems to think that she should be doing more around the house than she does, even though we have a cleaner weekly, I work from home so walk the dogs in my break etc. he will invent jobs for her to do (last one was wash the sofa blankets) which she agreed to do then he went on and on and on about it until she did it (as in he asked in the morning, moaned all day until it’s done a few hours later). He also helps with dinner for example and then moan the whole time that my DD could be helping.

I have just been making dinner and DD was helping me and I took some washing out the dryer to be folded, he was standing around so I asked if he could help, immediate moaning that my DD should be doing it. This time she was in earshot, so I did snap back at him and said that he does not get to constantly go on about what my DD is or is not doing.

He has got the hump with this, saying I promised him that she would do more to help us, (I didn’t) and tbh there is not much we need to do anyway? I have said that if he continues to make snide comments about my DD not helping as much then he won’t be able to live with us anymore and he is sulking now.

For the record, he is a Disney dad with his DD, she will help with jobs like carrying some logs in from the shed but is also very spoilt and gets away with whatever she wants. But I am not allowed to mention that because ‘we only get to see her a couple of days a week’

I just feel angry that he feels he can dictate to my daughter, but I guess some people would say I need to find jobs for my 16 yr old to do?

OP posts:
Madamefroufrou · Yesterday 19:30

Blackthornwickerwoman · Yesterday 18:57

I’m glad you’ve come to this decision. I live alone with my 16 year old daughter and it’s brilliant. She’s just starting her A levels and works hard. I don’t ask her to do much but when I do she’s helpful and does it with good grace (just put the bins out for example!).
Since I read Victoria Smith’s Hags I see a lot of male behaviour through the lense that men consciously or unconsciously see women as a resource for them to exploit. So with your soon to be ex, for example, you’re his woman so he’s entitled to what is yours, to your labour, and he sees your daughter also as someone who should be working to deliver a benefit to him.

Show quote history

I read this excellent thought provoking sharing comment and now have
Paloma Paris’s ‘Too much Labour’ song in my head,

OP play this, its on Spotify, youtube live, everywhere, the calloused hand
line isn’t relevant (we hope) its your new anthem

I hope you will comeback with a bulletin at least after shedding that load,
we will all cheer.
I know other pp have said, but you will wonder why it took you so long.

Also don’t let him wheedle his way back in, invest in new locks, keep
the curtains closed by twilight, disengage, good luck

AlmostAutumn26 · Yesterday 19:33

So glad you have asked him to leave! He is a drain.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · Yesterday 19:33

So you have actually told him the relationship is over, and that he has to move out ?

When is he leaving.

WhistPie · Yesterday 19:35

DrySherry · Yesterday 19:17

She's 16, time to teach her to muck in - no question.

She already does, if you read the OP's posts

PestoPastaLife · Yesterday 19:35

The issue with DD aside, it doesn’t sound like you respect him or even much like him.

You're not married and you don’t share children. Move on with your life without this whinging Virgo (!) irritating you and haranguing your DD, who sounds lovely btw.

Spoonmoon · Yesterday 19:36

Dontknowhowtofeelx · Yesterday 13:36

Need to vent / ask for support?

DP and I live together with my DD(16) his DD (7) stays every week.

I do everything for my DD, he is not expected to contribute financially or practically with her. Very occasionally he may drop her somewhere but only if it ties in with what he is doing, but that is all.

He seems to think that she should be doing more around the house than she does, even though we have a cleaner weekly, I work from home so walk the dogs in my break etc. he will invent jobs for her to do (last one was wash the sofa blankets) which she agreed to do then he went on and on and on about it until she did it (as in he asked in the morning, moaned all day until it’s done a few hours later). He also helps with dinner for example and then moan the whole time that my DD could be helping.

I have just been making dinner and DD was helping me and I took some washing out the dryer to be folded, he was standing around so I asked if he could help, immediate moaning that my DD should be doing it. This time she was in earshot, so I did snap back at him and said that he does not get to constantly go on about what my DD is or is not doing.

He has got the hump with this, saying I promised him that she would do more to help us, (I didn’t) and tbh there is not much we need to do anyway? I have said that if he continues to make snide comments about my DD not helping as much then he won’t be able to live with us anymore and he is sulking now.

For the record, he is a Disney dad with his DD, she will help with jobs like carrying some logs in from the shed but is also very spoilt and gets away with whatever she wants. But I am not allowed to mention that because ‘we only get to see her a couple of days a week’

I just feel angry that he feels he can dictate to my daughter, but I guess some people would say I need to find jobs for my 16 yr old to do?

Sounds like he expected 2 slaves women waiting on him hand and foot. Get rid!

RainbowConnection1 · Yesterday 19:42

My step father was just like this. It was almost an obsession, he just couldn’t stand to see me not working around the house. I’d say, looking back, that he was abusive in his treatment of me.

He and my mum divorced…but not until I was an adult and out of the house. That was when we all discovered he’d been treating all of Mum’s family appallingly behind her back.

MrsBananaman · Yesterday 19:43

Spoonmoon · Yesterday 19:36

Sounds like he expected 2 slaves women waiting on him hand and foot. Get rid!

Show quote history

This and then to have the gall to suggest they won’t cope without him 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

Madamefroufrou · Yesterday 19:45

Dontknowhowtofeelx · Yesterday 19:22

This is him. And he is a Virgo. Christ, to a T, especially the first bit!

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if you had said this in your OP we could have sorted this in seconds ha ha

they invariably turn nasty at the end with hollow words please don’t allow him
to upset you

SylvanMoon · Yesterday 19:49

Dontknowhowtofeelx · Yesterday 18:37

I am glad I can nip this in the bub before it takes over.

I have already posted before about his DD and the way she is being raised. And now this. It’s a shame as he did have some nice qualities, but I don’t need a man to be happy and this one is a misery.

He actually isn’t putting up any resistance to the end of the relationship. Apparently I can’t handle anyone telling me anything even if it’s for my own good and he will be ‘surprised’ if DD ‘copes’ at uni. 🙄 but ‘won’t be his problem’ which is wonderful news for all.

oh dear and good riddance

Madamefroufrou · Yesterday 19:50

MrsBananaman · Yesterday 19:43

This and then to have the gall to suggest they won’t cope without him 😂🤦🏻‍♀️

Show quote history

that is male bravado, wrapped around malice, his reign of belligerence at an end

we have done good work here today ladies, restored a harmonious home,
with the potential for good grades and a new Vet,

anyone for an earned Baileys?

(10£ atm Sainsbury Morrisons and Amazon)

Holidaymodeon · Yesterday 19:52

Well done for letting him go, what a horrible experience for your daughter. His own will be ruined

Blackthornwickerwoman · Yesterday 20:10

Madamefroufrou · Yesterday 19:50

that is male bravado, wrapped around malice, his reign of belligerence at an end

we have done good work here today ladies, restored a harmonious home,
with the potential for good grades and a new Vet,

anyone for an earned Baileys?

(10£ atm Sainsbury Morrisons and Amazon)

Show quote history

We have done good work! Congratulations 🥂 OP.

ThisLivelyRaven · Yesterday 20:10

For your daughters sake - kick him out

MeowDoku · Yesterday 20:12

Dontknowhowtofeelx · Yesterday 14:43

She does keep her room tidy, she does do washing (mostly her own but will throw extra bits in too), she can cook several dinners and if I give her notice she will cook dinner for us all, she also cooks for herself if we are both working. She will walk the dogs if I ask. Do anything I ask really. Always clears up after herself.

DD is studying 4 Alevels with EPQ, aspirations to attend a Russel group university to be a vet. So I do cut her some slack as she is working hard at school, trying to have a social life (no bf) but lovely friends, she also does a bit of work ok the side pet sitting for people in our village so she is by far from a lazy messy teenager.

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This sounds perfectly reasonable, it's not like she's sitting around demanding you do things for her, if she tidies up after herself will walk the dogs and cook a meal when asked, does a bit of laundry (and you have a cleaner so the general housework is subcontracted out by you) and she's doing well at school and has a part time job she's doing just fine!

Keanuwilldo · Yesterday 20:17

This is nothing to do with him wanting your daughter to do more that's his excuse , he is picking on her because he is a bully.
I would not let my daughters actual father treat her like this let alone my boyfriend who is absolutely nothing to do with her .
Any attraction i had would be gone - NO ONE !!! would get away with bullying my kid in their own home, the place that should be their comfort and safety .
I hope you are preparing to chuck him out.

bettyrubble99 · Yesterday 20:18

He wouldn't be doing this if she was a boy I bet.
Tell him to frig off next time. Ask him who does he think he is telling you what YOUR daughter should be doing? Concentrate on his own.
If he wants you to pick a side tell him straight, he will lose every single time. Prize prat.

Supporting2026 · Yesterday 20:21

Dontknowhowtofeelx · Yesterday 13:47

What do you think would make it stop?! Iv tried talking to him about it, he just says I shouldn’t have ‘promised him’ or ‘lied to him’ about her helping more. Ridiculous all I said was that if you want her to do something ask her, this wasn’t enough and he feels she should be ‘taking initiative’.

He few up youngest child to a wealthy stay at home mum so he has no idea what it is like to be asked to do fuck all in the home as a teenager tbh so no idea where this even comes from

Show quote history

It comes from discontent that your daughter is in your lives. He is nit picking her to make her feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. I would kick him out - this will not improve.

Supporting2026 · Yesterday 20:22

Dontknowhowtofeelx · Yesterday 14:43

She does keep her room tidy, she does do washing (mostly her own but will throw extra bits in too), she can cook several dinners and if I give her notice she will cook dinner for us all, she also cooks for herself if we are both working. She will walk the dogs if I ask. Do anything I ask really. Always clears up after herself.

DD is studying 4 Alevels with EPQ, aspirations to attend a Russel group university to be a vet. So I do cut her some slack as she is working hard at school, trying to have a social life (no bf) but lovely friends, she also does a bit of work ok the side pet sitting for people in our village so she is by far from a lazy messy teenager.

Show quote history

She sounds great! Only hope my two grow up to be that responsible and helpful.

DaringPinkSamsara · Yesterday 20:25

He’s picking on your daughter & needs to go. He’s gotten far too comfortable in your house. Very unfair on your daughter

BurnoutGP · Yesterday 20:29

Time to choose you relationship WITH DD or this pathetic waste of a man who undermines and seems to actively dislike your DD. The damage is already being done and you seem to have already chosen. I will never every understand why women put these arseholes before their children. Is it so hard to be alone?
I am a single parent to 2 DD and would never ever compromise them or my relationship with them for anyone

ShatterPersistent · Yesterday 20:46

I can't fathom why you even allowed this pathetic man to move in with you and your DD. Your poor DD having to endure this asshole in her own space. Glad you're kicking him out and I hope you'll prioritise your DD's needs from now on.

Zimbaee · Yesterday 20:52

He’s got to go. Don’t be one of those mums who put boyfriends before their kids.

PinkyFlamingo · Yesterday 20:52

Why are you putting this man above your daughter, seriously?!!

Pearl69 · Yesterday 20:59

Best of luck going forwards without him OP. Your DD sounds brilliant, switched on and knows where she wants to go in life. Good for her. As for your ex DP - good riddance.