AIBU not wanting to take stepchild on last minute holiday?

[froglet15327]

Have just decided last minute I want to go on holiday for child’s 1st birthday just to a caravan park due to money being on the low side (I could do with the break more than anyone). I feel awful but I don’t want ss to come which I know last minute mil is going to suggest we do. SS is 9 and at the best of times very difficult to deal with, throws a tantrum when they don’t get what they want, demands absolutely everything, swears( which makes me so uncomfortable) and sometimes back chats or just becomes very rude towards me when I’ve asked him something. I really want just a calm easy holiday and I know it won’t be that if he comes. He’s going on holiday abroad for his birthday next month with his mother so it’s not like he never goes on holiday and he went with his dad twice last year whilst I was pregnant.

You're a family, and your older child is part of that family.

If it's SS standard time with you, you have to take him. Where else would be go if not?

How does your partner handle the swearing etc? Sounds like you've got a husband problem and not a step child problem

I don't get, "...throws a tantrum when they don’t get what they want". You were talking about one child, your step son, and 'they' makes it sound like more than one child. It's 'he'.

I understand you do not want this little boy on your caravan holiday but he would probably enjoy it. Caravan sites have lots of things for children of his age to do so you wouldn't be tied to him all the time.

Life with a step child is like that. He may well behave badly at times but he's only nine. Does he like his little brother or sister? That would help.

He doesn’t actually ever stay with us he stays with mil because he won’t sleep without anyone. There’s also no set weekends he just shows up… the swearing is being dealt with but it’s normally “well my mom lets me”.

Don’t tell her you’re going. Just go and live your life. You don’t need her permission.

How often do you see him? Would he come on holiday with you?

Is there a reason you had a child with someone who doesn’t have his eldest child stay with him? Sounds like your MIL does more parenting than his dad

We’ve actually opted for no entertainment… he does like his little sister yes but he does get abit rough most the time. He’s just abit of a handful

Just don’t tell MIL you are going away? If the contact is as hoc and at MIL’s anyway, I would just book and go on holiday. It might time that your SS is with MIL, and if she asked where you are, say you’ve gone away for a few days as you need a break as burnt out.

If it's during your DH's contact time, YABU.

If it's while he would normally be with his mother, YANBU.

Why the hell isn't he spending his time with his father at age 9, rather than staying with grandma?

As for swearing, that's for your DH to parent. "Rules at your mum's and rules here are different. Here you cannot use that language."

Mil basically takes over the parenting and always has done… shes very opinionated

I’m sorry but you’ve made your bed by choosing to be part of this whole arrangement.

The dad can’t take one child on holiday and not the other.

At least forewarned is forearmed @froglet15327
If you split from your dp you know his mother will be parenting your daughter.
What does your dp want to do re his son?

He does spend time with his dad it’s not that he doesn’t, mil has just always been over bearing and I think DH has just been pushed into just saying nothing now which is sad. But I’ve been told by mil “stay out of it” which is what I do now

He’s not paying for it… I am

But is he going? He’s going on holiday with one child and not the other.

As ever, it's a DH problem.

I feel sorry for the kid. He doesn't get to stay with his dad because his dad doesn't stand up to his grandmother, and he's not learning proper boundaries around behaviour. Path of least resistance all the way.

If your DH would step up and be a proper parent to him, perhaps SS would be less of a handful and you'd be happier to have him on the trip.

All this step child chat is so dispiriting. Would you exclude your own child 🤷🏻‍♀️

Why will you tell your mother-in-law that you are going?

He doesn’t stay with us because he won’t sleep without someone in his bed and we’re currently in a flat. The option has always been there for him to stay but on the sofa which he won’t do. It’s all abit of a nightmare

Is your DD also going to be sleeping on the sofa or will she get a different treatment to what your DHs other child has?

So you added another child in the mix when you don't have room for the one your partner already has.

Does MIL allow him to swear?

How many hours a week does he have with his dad?

She sleeps in a cot at the end of our bed which literally leaves us with no room

Honestly op I think you have bigger problems than a weekend in a caravan. Your interfering Mil, SS behaviour, your dh not having a backbone etc,

How long are you going on holiday for? If it’s just a weekend, go and say nothing, but if it’s going to encroach on DP’s contact time with his son, you’ll have to think again. Would it be possible for you to go away by yourself with your DD?