AIBU not wanting to take stepchild on last minute holiday?

[froglet15327]

Have just decided last minute I want to go on holiday for child’s 1st birthday just to a caravan park due to money being on the low side (I could do with the break more than anyone). I feel awful but I don’t want ss to come which I know last minute mil is going to suggest we do. SS is 9 and at the best of times very difficult to deal with, throws a tantrum when they don’t get what they want, demands absolutely everything, swears( which makes me so uncomfortable) and sometimes back chats or just becomes very rude towards me when I’ve asked him something. I really want just a calm easy holiday and I know it won’t be that if he comes. He’s going on holiday abroad for his birthday next month with his mother so it’s not like he never goes on holiday and he went with his dad twice last year whilst I was pregnant.

There's a much deeper issue here than a holiday... the poor kid seems pushed from pillar to post. Why the hell is he not staying with his actual father.. and MIL being overbearing is not an excuse for Dad just opting out of parenting. No wonder the kid is hard work.

Does DH pay any money in respect of his son, and who to as he is getting out of housing his son?

Treat him how you want your daughter to be treated.

We are currently on the housing list for a two bedroom house, yes mil does allow him to swear she finds it “funny” and “he’s just a baby” is what you get when you say anything

I understand that, but what is the plan going forward? She will need a proper bed soon. If you both haven't prioritised getting your SS a bed, are you going to get her a bed or is she going to end up on the sofa?

No wonder this child is acting up, his dad has failed to prioritise him over his new family.

So if you get a 2 bedroom house, where will the 9yo sleep?

A weekend away, you are paying for, will be fine. Perhaps dad could take his son somewhere, just the two of them, another time?

Why did you have a baby when you didn’t have space for the one you’ve already got?

Just book and go. Be very discreet. Only message when you have safely arrived.

You’re on the housing list? What, you can’t rent somewhere yourselves? Your husband has 2 children - are you saying he cannot afford to rent somewhere to house those children? Why would have had a baby with him when neither of you can afford a place to put those children?

Why did you have a child with a man who can’t look after his first child? I feel sorry for this child..!

Do neither of you work?

We was looking at getting a pull out bed and putting it in our daughters room but as I said previously he won’t sleep in a bed on his own…

yes, the 9 year old will obviously get the 2nd bedroom. He needs a room at his dad’s house. The toddler will have to share with mum and dad.

Stay on the sofa? Who the fuck wants to sleep on a sofa. Are you seriously suggesting a 9yr old should stay on a sofa instead of having a room at his Dads?

Did anyone take any responsibility of any of their life choices?

A man who was already seemingly failing his son, not providing a home or boundaries or even structure.

This man seemed the right choice to chuck another responsibility at.

No wonder the son maybe a little difficult where is the stability, guidance and proper guard rails. Where is his space and when did his father even consider his needs? To not even want to involve him in a family holiday - how sad :(

When he comes to your house why can’t he sleep in the bed with his dad and you sleep on the sofa?

Forget the holiday time to get the overtime in so you can get these children housed appropriately.

This must be a wind up thread…?! Surely nobody would treat a 9 year old like that.

This one takes the biscuit. Honestly, there are actually better men than this to choose from (and I’m a lesbian, so I don’t need one), but this guy sounds completely helpless.

YABU
To have got yourself in such a stupid situation m

But if you are short of money, don't go on holiday at all especially during school holidays. Save the ££ towards a house deposit for somewhere that can accommodate the whole family, and work towards creating a calm, happy environment for all the DC.

Honestly, why marry someone who has a child if you don’t like their existing child? You now have two children; your 1 year old and your stepson. If you don’t want him, leave his father and let the poor fucking kid be.

Honestly, some people don’t deserve to be step parents. Not at all. OP imagine your husband has left you and is on to the next one and she treats your kid with the same disdain you are treating his son. It doesn’t feel good doesn’t? Sort it out.

Omg! Your DP is a wuss! Why the fuck do you have a kid with him? and how? Wouldn’t he have needed his mother’s permission to get an erection?

You could see what kind of man he is. Weak!

if Your holiday is just you and your little one, go for it. If the wuss is going, you probably need to invite his child too.

You have all the empathy of a plank of wood.

Poor kid.

He should have a dedicated space with a proper bed and made to feel like he is part of his dad’s life. He is probably wanting that closeness at bedtime because he feels rejected. This isn’t normal you know. It’s not good parenting and while you’re not really responsible, his father is, you show zero awareness of this child’s needs.