AIBU not wanting to take stepchild on last minute holiday?

[froglet15327]

Have just decided last minute I want to go on holiday for child’s 1st birthday just to a caravan park due to money being on the low side (I could do with the break more than anyone). I feel awful but I don’t want ss to come which I know last minute mil is going to suggest we do. SS is 9 and at the best of times very difficult to deal with, throws a tantrum when they don’t get what they want, demands absolutely everything, swears( which makes me so uncomfortable) and sometimes back chats or just becomes very rude towards me when I’ve asked him something. I really want just a calm easy holiday and I know it won’t be that if he comes. He’s going on holiday abroad for his birthday next month with his mother so it’s not like he never goes on holiday and he went with his dad twice last year whilst I was pregnant.

Where did DH live before he lived with you? Why isn’t he doing more for his son? Doesn’t sound as if any adult is looking out for him? Leaving him with MIL which doesn’t sound like a safe set up at all
if you split up with DH, MIL may end up housing your DC on DH’s contact time

I suspect that this and the previous post saying much the same thing are probably right. There's so much that needs to change in the situation as described, and really @froglet15327 is probably the one least able to change it.

She needs to put her own daughter first and work out what's best for her.

No I don’t think he’s ever slept in the same bed as him because he didn’t want it to be a habit which it now is… yes child’s there when fighting happens and he stays in the bed with them

@froglet15327 why is DH so passive about this, the set up at MIL’s is horrendous

So before you came along, where did DH live? And at what point did MIL say that during his contact time, she was going to be having the child at her house instead and he (for some unknown reason) decided he was fine with that?

Honestly I have no idea… I’ve said to him about not letting DH stay over night but I think he thinks it’s normal because his childhood was pretty much the same…

So from 8 months to 9 years, and the poor boy still hasn’t got him own room with his dad. You’ve spoken so much about the terrible MIL, you haven’t mentioned at all how his dad had stepped up. He sounds absolutely useless.

He lived with another ex girlfriend, ss never stayed there either. So from what I can gather he split with ss mom and moved in with parents, he then had another girlfriend moved in with her. His mom I think since the ss was a baby has always had him, ss mom I think basically just allowed her to do whatever she wanted and has never said no to anything.

No I don’t think he’s ever had his own room, he’s always moved into his partners houses which I’m guessing is why he’s never had his own room. Unless the child lives with permanent they won’t allow an extra room, I’m only entitled to a 2 bed and I can’t afford private housing as I’m on uc

Where did you live before you met him? Did you/do you work?

So a full time cocklodger then? You deserve better so does your little girl.

This is just too sad: none of the adults in this child's life are putting him anywhere near the top of the list of priorities in their own lives.

So he doesn't even have a bedroom at his dads place. No wonder he doesn't stay, no child feels welcome if a sofa is their bed! And wanting someone sharing his bed, I mean that's quite normal and can be trained out of him, but it's all moot because he doesn't even have a bed to sleep in at his dad's flat!

So your not so DH selects his women because they have a home (whether that's social housing, private rented or owned). Throw this one back he expects the females in his life to do all the work and put a roof over his cock lodging head. Men like this should be tattooed with cock lodger in his forehead so his targets can avoid him.

This sounds like a dreadful dysfunctional set up. This poor boy seems to gave been passed from pillar to post all his life, no wonder he has issues with sleeping. Your DH seems to gave abdicated all his parental duties and I don't beleive MIL has just taken over. It's time for both of you to step up and parent this boy.

He sounds like my older half brother is his upbringing tbh and makes me sad, my grandma who died when I was a baby basically raised him as his mum worked alot and my dad wasn't having him to stay much with previous girlfriends, so he lived at his grandparents most of the week. Then when my mum and dad got married they had me and my sister so he ended up with no room of his own, I remember him sleeping over Christmas eve and being on the sofa in the morning when we ran downstairs. Such a shame :(

It looks like this booby prize of a man moved in with the OP. She says "he’s always moved into his partners houses".

I’m actually at a loss for words.

Your SS doesn’t have his own room at his dad’s home.
Instead of prioritising him, you both decided to bring another child into this shit show.

Your SS has never had a room at his dads home because instead of your DP actually getting his own place, he just moves in with any mug that will have him.

Your SS has so much trauma that he has to sleep in a bed with an adult at 9yo.

The mum gets drunk with her bf and argue (and you wonder why SS swears).

Your SS has had multiple different adults in his life and the only consistent has been his MIL - yet you seem to be painting her in a bad light.

To top it off ‘you need a break’ and you are the paying entirely for the caravan - why is DP not paying half?

He sounds selfish and immature.

It's not up to his Mum to decide what happens on his Dad's time! He has had EIGHT YEARS to sort this situation out and in that time has managed to come up with a sofa to offer his child. And he's blaming the women in his life instead of himself.

I'm still curious about why on earth you looked at him and thought that this would be a good option to be a Dad for your child. I think you should be prepared for the inevitable- when you split with him, your child will also be on the discard pile too.

OH just go as a single parent, you and baby can have some peace. Partner can have his child while you're away.

Your DP sounds absolutely horrendous. I’d focus more about getting rid of him than not allowing a child a caravan holiday.