AIBU not wanting to take stepchild on last minute holiday?

[froglet15327]

Have just decided last minute I want to go on holiday for child’s 1st birthday just to a caravan park due to money being on the low side (I could do with the break more than anyone). I feel awful but I don’t want ss to come which I know last minute mil is going to suggest we do. SS is 9 and at the best of times very difficult to deal with, throws a tantrum when they don’t get what they want, demands absolutely everything, swears( which makes me so uncomfortable) and sometimes back chats or just becomes very rude towards me when I’ve asked him something. I really want just a calm easy holiday and I know it won’t be that if he comes. He’s going on holiday abroad for his birthday next month with his mother so it’s not like he never goes on holiday and he went with his dad twice last year whilst I was pregnant.

He will be a very troubled teen and young man.

The messed up situation is not of your making, so don't get involved and don't worry about making it right for everyone.

The OP is not responsible for the shit show that is her SS's life but she did choose to marry and have a baby with his Father so she is involved, whether she likes it or not.

Is @froglet15327 responsible for the fact that the child has only a sofa to sleep on? And that their future housing plans are not realistic for half siblings of different sexes with an 8 year gap in age?

I agree she is totally lacking in empathy towards the child, though. I just feel the father is the one who needs to step up here. TBF it's possible that his failure as a parent included choosing a girlfriend who didn't like his son.

She has some responsibilty too of course, but I don't think the terrible father should be let off the hook. It's a bit like a young woman having an affair with a married man. Only worse, as the poor chld has done nothing wrong except be born.

It's a bit of a shit show all round.

But you've answered your own question for the holiday - you go alone with your daughter. No SS and no MIL. Your partner can spend time with his son and bedshare with him while you're gone, might make a nice change from sharing with sweary drunken grandma.

No it doesn't. Lots to do to entertain and tire out a one year old. I took mine from a younger age, the sea air is great for them. Some days we didn't even leave the site. So much easier at one.

Yeah that’s fair.

i just feel sorry for the kid and am appalled at @FoldItIn ’s advice of to basically fuck the kid off.

sadly there is no test for empathy or parenting skills before people conceive. This poor little boy.

Oh christ this gets even worse. That poor lad. And to think the OP was all about his bad behaviour and not about the horrible life he has.

Yes a disinterested father and mother, a grandmother who is raising the child, he can’t even sleep alone at 9. And the ops all he’s such a hindrence.

Exactly this. You didn't have room for your SS but got pregnant with another child you couldn't house anyway. So now you have 2 children you don't have room for.

SS's mother may well have dodgy standards, but yours aren't any higher.

If you DH is going on this holiday, SS should too. It doesn't matter who is paying for it. If it's just you and your DC without DH, fair enough.

For gods sake don't get pregnant again.

My advice was what? Please point the bit out where I said fuck the SS off?
The OP's child matters too, so does the OP believe it or not, I know, difficult for some people to wrap their heads around.

Concentrate on what I actually wrote, you can't be that daft.

Several reply emojis missing from this site - a crying one is all I can think of for this child.

Yep. If mil wants to take him on holiday she can.

Your partner needs to parent his son and stop palming it off on his mother.

Of course he acts up if he's treated like an unwanted burden while you choose to have a baby with a man who can't look after the child he already has. And you have no space for either child.

Read your post again, you specifically told her to focus on her kid, the situation wasn’t of her making and not to get involved. Whay part of they are married and this is her step child confused you.

So the grandmother gets drunk and swears - go on then, tell us the whole thing at once: how awful is the little boy's mother?

Does he at least have one place where someone cares about him more than about their own messy lives??

She doesn't have an older child.

I’ve never once said I don’t like him, I try more than most and for this one time I wanted to go on holiday, I have voiced my opinions several times but I feel like I deserve a break from trying to parent him. I probably do sound selfish and horrible but it’s honestly draining the life out of me to the point I am struggling and it makes me cry. I have honestly considered leaving the relationship because the family dynamic isn’t what I want it to be. But I do feel sorry for ss and I want him to have a nice family unit but I feel everyone else doesn’t help contribute towards that

I doubt he’s giving his ex £400 a month if he he’s chosen to live in a one bed flat when he has two children. Does he work?

@Emilesgran
I think it's the boy's mother who gets drunk and fights with her boyfriend every weekend.

But he's not a part of that nice family unit that you are envisioning. He is firmly on the outskirt of that unit, being asked to sleep on the sofa or not stay with his "family unit" at all. You made a mistake having a child with a dad who doesn't prioritise his own child if what you wanted was a nice family unit.

So your partner is earning approx 55K to be paying £100 a week and he can't get a bed for his son. He doesn’t parent his son and blames his tantrums etc on his ex rather than I don’t know maybe parenting him. Then he sends the child to a toxic environment at his mother’s because he can’t be bothered. You should ask him to see the payments as when he goes off because he can’t be bothered with your child you’ll know what to expect. Also with his income why does he need to wait for the council to find him a 2 bed? It would have been nice to take his 9 year old away so he actually feels wanted and maybe your partner could have some quality time with him.

How about, the childs parents parent the child. The fact that three whole people, his Mother, Father and Grandma are failing him terribly is not the OPs fault.
Do you understand the dynamic that the OP walked into? She was told to butt out. So she has. What is the point in giving her advice on the SS? Do you seriously think she will be allowed to parent him in anyway?

Do you think the OP's child shouldn't get to do anything unless the SS is involved? I think not, the OP would be a shit mother if she let her own child miss out due to a situation of three other adults making.

Again, what is the point in giving advice about the SS when she isn't allowed to parent him?

You are entitled to have a holiday as the three of you. His mum doesn’t take your child away.

It’s so sad.

Parents that already have children shouldn’t be able to move on so easily and create more children with new partners.

Unfortunately innocent children suffer the consequences (and the rest of society if they misbehave and end up in jail etc)

That poor boy. No wonder he has behavioural issues and is unable to sleep alone. He feels unloved and unwanted and isn’t secure in his own family. And now you don’t want to take him on a holiday? You are all failing that poor child.