Messages from step child

[Stepchildrenarehardwork]

So for context. SD was suspended from school, my partner allowed her a sleepover last night. We were staying at his house. I wouldn’t have stayed if I had known.
last night 2am I ended up on the sofa as they were so bloody loud. 5am I heard almighty banging and 5.45am she was in the kitchen banging aroud making food and having no respect. Yet we all have to respect that she is in bed until 11am and to be completely silent until she wakes up.
he asked why I was asleep on the sofa so I explained and he Asked did I have proof so I had a time stamped video of the noise.
he had a conversation with her tonight.

she then sent me this-

you can delete that video of me u don’t have consent to take videos of me and my friend one it’s weird two u had no need too and i don’t care if it “woke you up” you should’ve been in ur room not in the living room and dad was fast asleep so was everyone else so i wasn’t being too noisy either u js want to argue for the sake of it and you have ur own bloody house to go to if u think it’s too loud here next time stay there if u don’t like the noise of it so ur not recording me like a weirdo next time i find out ur recording me ill do the exact same thing to you when you’re moving around in ur own house and see if u like that and next time u have a problem with me talk to me not my dad since he doesn’t want to have u talking to me through him

my reply back-

Unfortunately it was very loud last night, the boys struggled to get to sleep and this was also mentions by them to your dad. I was woken up at 2am and I went downstairs as it was quieter. I heard you banging around in the kitchen at 5.45am and I didn’t speak to you at all this morning about it because your friend was there. Your dad questioned why I was sleeping on the sofa so I explained it was too noisy. Unfortunate your dad always likes everything as proof so I yes I do have all the noise being made so he couldn’t accuse me of staying downstairs for a different reason. We are meant to be a family and respect each other. I always respect you are asleep in the mornings and I am as quiet as possible out of respect, and I am also making sure the boys to do, and on the occasion they did make noise and disturb you they were disciplined and had things taken away. Your dad said this morning he would speak to you so I left it at that. Next time you have a sleepover I would just appreciate that you respect everyone else in the house.

her reply was—

the boys was asleep so idk what ur on ab dad said it didn’t wake him up or jessica and the boys was fast asleep and you always like to cause problems and you’re only saying something nice because you’ve said to dad it has to be me or you and you know full well he’s gna choose his kids over a woman who doesn’t want his kids around. talk to me instead of my dad he has a lot to deal with and has work.

Am I right to feel angry?

@Stepchildrenarehardwork he is not going to change in 5 minutes. And, he needs to work on his relationship with his daughter. Without having you there to ‘blame’ when you just agreed with what the Mum was doing as punishment. Otherwise the daughter will continue to blame you and your ‘partner’ will continue to take the p*ss out of you. Stay strong OP!

So @Stepchildrenarehardwork is taking her children to a home with a boyfriend who drinks and takes drugs. She's actually exposing them to that lifestyle.

Have I got that right?

@justasking111he doesn’t drink k or smoke when we are there. He does a breathlyser test to prove this when I am there. It was a condition to us staying he doesn’t drink or smoke

Yes it’s his personal choice to drink to excess, take drugs and do both things while in sole charge of his kids.

And it’s been your personal choice to continue a relationship with a man like that for ages, despite having children who rely on you to keep them safe.

Your poor kids, they deserve to have been put first not put into this shit show for the last few years bless them.

But you know he does do it when his kids are there and he’s in sole charge. You said so on another thread.

How can you have been attracted to such a shit father?

@anytipswelcomeBecause for me and my kids he did the right thing so yes I would respect him for that that for me to stay he knew he couldn’t do that

I can’t imagine saying you’re attracted to a shit father who drinks and takes drugs around his kids… just because he doesn’t do it around your kids. Does it not make you feel a bit embarrassed to admit that?!

Your children deserve so much more than this, I hope they forgive you for putting this man first for so long.

So if you used to stay together at least 5 or 6 nights out of 7, and he doesn’t drink around your kids, how is he drinking and smoking weed so much? How has he got an problem? And where exactly are you getting a breathalyser for marijuana?

@NotWorthTheHeadachebecause he doesn’t stay that many nights now.

we went through stage he drunk a little too much and we split, as I didn’t really understand how much he drank and he never smoked. He then went t having a couple smokes weekends my kids aren’t there and the nights he stayed home.

then his daughter moved in last year and he increasingly has started to smoke and drink more, I know this because he will send photos and voice calls and yiu can see his eyes and hear it in his voice. He hasn’t been staying at mine duen the week, and every other weekend when my kids are at their dads I don’t mind if we have a couple drinks as I have no kids. But I keep it at 2 each that’s all we buy.

when his daughter went back home to her mothers for a while and he started staying more e went to staying at mine again and he cut it down, unfortunately he admitted it’s his way of dealing with his daughter and the shit storm she brings.

@Stepchildrenarehardworkwhere do you get all the marijuana breathalysers? I didn’t realise these were a thing.

@NotWorthTheHeadache I have a alchol breathalyser, don’t need one for the weed because his eyes instantly go red and you would smell it on him. Plus I would also collect him from work if the evening so he wouldn’t have a chance to do it on the way home c

You collect him from work after 10pm so he can’t drink on the way home? Where are your children when you’re picking him up?

when his daughter went back home to her mothers for a while and he started staying more e went to staying at mine again and he cut it down, unfortunately he admitted it’s his way of dealing with his daughter and the shit storm she brings.

So he blames his daughter for his drug and booze addiction, of course he does, he doesn't actually want her there but is paying her/bribing her to not go back to her mums and he's off his tits every time she is there.

Why on earth are you blaming this 13 year for her 'attitude' when she has this disgusting specimen as a father??

not to mention the fact that he is controlling, jealous and has made you cut off all contact with your family and friends, if he does that to you what do you think he does to her? It's fucking horrifying that you think this is all acceptable for your children to be around.

How old is the daughter?

"he admitted it’s his way of dealing with his daughter and the shit storm she brings" This is a really horrible comment.

I think you need a whole new perspective. You should never get to the point in a relationship you're breathalysing each other, recording domestic incidents as proof, cutting off friends and spending all your time together to prevent cheating. That's all so fucked up regardless of what the stepdaughter is or isn't doing.

I'm so glad you walked away today. Still, at the heart of it all us a teenager with a dad who smokes weed and drinks, abuses and stalks his partners, gets repeatedly kicked out of school for things like not wearing a blazer and has an ex-stepmother who records her in her own home which should be her safe space. She's been completely adultified when actually someone should be cherishing and nourishing her like the child that she is.

OP has her bar set so low she'd need a shovel to find it.

End it. Block him on phone, social media. The whole family are awful.

She's 13, or in OPs posts last year where she wanted advice on how to get the child to go home to her mums house so she could have the partner to herself, the poor kid was 12 then.

Oh 😥

You should be ashamed of yourself OP. Blaming a child for an adult man, a father, taking drugs and drinking. Her behaviour wouldn’t be ‘bad’ if she wasn’t being brought up by an arsehole in utter chaos.

These poor fucking kids. His and yours.

I hide an awful lot of what happens from them.
Hiding stuff from your boys isn’t good enough. You think they don’t feel confused by you hiding stuff? You shouldn’t be exposing yourself to any of it at all, so that there is nothing whatsoever to hide. You should be open and honest and true to yourself but you are so needy and willing to accept scraps from him that you are screwing up your boys’ emotional development and can no longer hold the line with your own values.

So it’s not over in your head at all then. OP, you are just playing games with him and creating drama. It’s only over until he can do this or until he does that or until he teaches his daughter some respect. You shouldn’t be issuing ultimatums at all especially ultimatums over his relationship with his daughter. You shouldn’t be competing with her. If you don’t like the way he parents her then walk away ….or you look like the controlling one, when it’s none of your business anyway as you don’t even live together.

You are centring yourself in the middle of his family life. You are far too involved and entrenched and seem to welcome his coercion as a proof that he cares about you.

I don’t think you are willing to listen to, or engage with sensible advice on here. Your list of excuses is endless. Hope you see sense one day.

@LAMPS1
ir is over, yes if he comes back in a year and says his daughter is transformed, he’s changed, he’s not controlling of thingsz; he doesn’t drink or smoke, and he doesn’t try to stir issues between me and the ex SD then we could try again but it’s a very big if. I doubt it will happen so I am destined to be on my own until maybe one day I’ll find someone

You don’t need a man OP. Especially one as addicted and unstable and cruel as the one you have just finished with. That relationship was thoroughly toxic.
Learn to rely on yourself and your own income.
Concentrate on your own little family, keep your boys settled and calm in a lovely home. Show them how a good decent life can be lived …..and don’t look to get involved with anybody else until your sons don’t need you any more.
Good luck!

Still placing all the blame on a child. Pathetic

The shitstorm is of her parents' making because they've both let her down phenomenally and failed in their duties. Don't pretend you grownups are all well adjusted and decent and would all be enjoying wonderful lives and relationships but for this demon child who ruins everything for you all for no reason. Stop blaming the kids and start acting like grownups.

I thought you said you had no friends or family? Now you're saying not only do you have them but he prevents you from seeing them?

Every single post contains a new accusation. You're not even responding properly. You're picking particular posts to respond to that you can make new accusations on.

I actually think you are the issue here.

And why would any poster care for proof of messages?

This whole thread is very odd.