Messages from step child

[Stepchildrenarehardwork]

So for context. SD was suspended from school, my partner allowed her a sleepover last night. We were staying at his house. I wouldn’t have stayed if I had known.
last night 2am I ended up on the sofa as they were so bloody loud. 5am I heard almighty banging and 5.45am she was in the kitchen banging aroud making food and having no respect. Yet we all have to respect that she is in bed until 11am and to be completely silent until she wakes up.
he asked why I was asleep on the sofa so I explained and he Asked did I have proof so I had a time stamped video of the noise.
he had a conversation with her tonight.

she then sent me this-

you can delete that video of me u don’t have consent to take videos of me and my friend one it’s weird two u had no need too and i don’t care if it “woke you up” you should’ve been in ur room not in the living room and dad was fast asleep so was everyone else so i wasn’t being too noisy either u js want to argue for the sake of it and you have ur own bloody house to go to if u think it’s too loud here next time stay there if u don’t like the noise of it so ur not recording me like a weirdo next time i find out ur recording me ill do the exact same thing to you when you’re moving around in ur own house and see if u like that and next time u have a problem with me talk to me not my dad since he doesn’t want to have u talking to me through him

my reply back-

Unfortunately it was very loud last night, the boys struggled to get to sleep and this was also mentions by them to your dad. I was woken up at 2am and I went downstairs as it was quieter. I heard you banging around in the kitchen at 5.45am and I didn’t speak to you at all this morning about it because your friend was there. Your dad questioned why I was sleeping on the sofa so I explained it was too noisy. Unfortunate your dad always likes everything as proof so I yes I do have all the noise being made so he couldn’t accuse me of staying downstairs for a different reason. We are meant to be a family and respect each other. I always respect you are asleep in the mornings and I am as quiet as possible out of respect, and I am also making sure the boys to do, and on the occasion they did make noise and disturb you they were disciplined and had things taken away. Your dad said this morning he would speak to you so I left it at that. Next time you have a sleepover I would just appreciate that you respect everyone else in the house.

her reply was—

the boys was asleep so idk what ur on ab dad said it didn’t wake him up or jessica and the boys was fast asleep and you always like to cause problems and you’re only saying something nice because you’ve said to dad it has to be me or you and you know full well he’s gna choose his kids over a woman who doesn’t want his kids around. talk to me instead of my dad he has a lot to deal with and has work.

Am I right to feel angry?

I would end the relationship, it sounds very stressful & hard work. I know that sounds a bit simplistic but just this one incident would make me leave (especially what you’ve said about your partner needing proof.)

@ladeedarrrmmy I didn’t take anything away, I said this to her so she couldn’t accuse me of being one rule for her and one for my kids. My kids don’t make noise, they did break the bed on morning and it disturbed her but I didn’t take their stuff away but she doesn’t need to know that. I was making a point she needed to be disciplined

And he doesn’t pay child support or it wouldn’t bother him if she stays at her mother’s. He only wants the 4 nights so he doesn’t have to pay. And if she does stay then he’ll stop dds allowance- as he’ll have to pay the mother instead.

The OP says he’s said he’s happier if she didn’t stay so it sounds as if he wants her to stay only for financial reasons!

Don't bother. Just extricate yourself from their mess.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
You have your own lovely kids who are being affected by your relationship with this family. You need to show them that you don't put up with mistreatment

Come on.

You're not considering calling SS out of concern for SD, you're doing it because you can't let go of the drama.

You will NEVER win. She is his daughter. You need to split.

Why am I reading this differently to other people?

I was in a controlling relationship myself which - devastatingly - escalated to violence. But I am not really reading control here. Op keeps changing the scenario to garner support from mum netters. I say this because she makes it clear that she is p'd off that SD's presence makes it impossible for her and her DP to enact their usual "games" - he dresses up etc. Oh, don't tell me, now she is going to start saying that he forces her into that, where before she sounded completely up for it. For me, what is going on here is that OP can't stand SD because she gets in the way. She therefore exaggerates everything that SD does (and she can't do anything right). I don't mean that she is lying, but that we should understand that this is all amplified in her mind for various reasons. She says that SD demands snacks and I bet it's just the usual childish requests.

I don't know anything about school life, but is it even possible to be suspended 18 times without being excluded or without some kind of social/psychological care being put in place? If not, our system is well and truly broken. This child clearly needs help.

OP you will not win this ever. If you do your partner is a shit human being. Regardless of what his daughter does she trumps your existance as she is his daughter and she should come first and before you . Sorry to be blunt but its true. This is not a competition you should be entering into. Go home and leave this its not for you this relationship.

@bluesinthenighti questioned the suspensions. Although she’s had 18 in the academic year but she has to have so many of those within the term to get expelled.
yes the dress up and things I agreed to, as it was something I did before him anyways. Doesn’t mean that he doesn’t control everyrbinf else. I have lists on my phone of things I have to follow and I will happily send on here as proof.

Honestly this is horrid. He’s holding her hostage financially.

I empathise entirely with this girl. You’re in HER house and moaning about how she behaves? She is entirely correct that you can go home! You’re filming her and her friends in her home? Not on. shes entirely correct that her dad should put her first.

This makes everything make complete sense.

Is there anyone here who believes she'll leave? She's so obsessed with wanting to feel wanted by him she'll do anything to get rid of his daughter.

I hope she does succeed on that front because I feel getting away from this set up is the girl's only chance!

OP seems a lost cause who, reading between the lines, likely has just as many issues as the partner tbh, and probably some additional ones.

Wow. What a vexatious and malicious act. You didn’t get your own way or the reaction you wanted so now you’ll make them pay? It’s no wonder the step child rebelling.
OP you are beginning to sound more than a little unhinged and like you will do anything to be ‘right’. You’re the last person to determine what ‘help’ this child needs as you don’t have her best interests at heart.
Hoping SS will conclude as many of us here have that whatever the rights and wrongs all the children caught up in this be better off if you and your DP part ways. For good.

he knows when my children are around or he stays at mine no alcohol is to enter the house, he is not to smoke W, and I breathlyse him durn the night to check. But I know full well he does it whe the daughter is there

From your other thread.

So you’re choosing to be with a man who you know smokes weed and drinks excessively when in charge of his kids? Sorry but how the fuck can you be attracted to such a short parent?

Why are you subjecting your kids to being even remotely involved with a toxic, paranoid (accusing you of messaging other men ‘or whatever’), alcoholic, drug using man? Not a hypothetical question, an actual one. Why are you doing that?

Really? You’re just as nasty as him!

Don't send proof as you don't want to out yourself.

Are you finding it difficult to leave him, is that the issue? Do you need help with that?

Wow! Breathalyser at night! This relationship needs to end!!!

Absolutely agree!

I agree. Poor girl is rebelling about being in such a shit and toxic household she can’t think straight! Wow. This is just all so bad

This thread is very outing, and absolutely insane. For the sake of all the kids involved, you and this partner need to finish things and go your separate ways. This is so, so toxic.

Exactly. What a terrible situation for all

Absolute circus 🎪… feel sorry for all the children.

So why stay with such a controlling man?

and social services etc with that kind of school record will already be involved

walk away for your children and get your life back

Nailed it.

All this stuff about child sleeping in hall, him not being able to ‘dress up’ when daughters there, all the toxic recording of her friends, the Drugs and breathalyser!!! Reminds me of those poor kids caught up in mum and dad’s shenanigans in the Fred and Rose West documentary!! Terrible Terrifying situation for all ☹️

@Tiswaschool haven’t involved social services at all yet: I keep questioning him as to why this hasn’t happened as it’s baffled me