Aibu to not pay for DSS's trip?

[FrozenAgain67]

Brief background, DH was made redundant earlier this year, he is back in work now but it did deplete his savings quite a bit as he didn't get much of a payout.

I recently received a small inheritance from a family member (10k ish). We don't share finances so this is currently in my savings account. Not to say I wouldn't use any of it if there was something that needed doing to the house or whatever, but it's not in a joint account basically.

DSS's school is planning a trip for later this year to a foreign country. With the activities involved in comes in at around £1,500. He has asked to go. He stays with us 3 nights a week a week and more in the hols so it works out at 50;50. His mum is unable to afford it and DH can't really afford to drop that sort of lump sum right now while he's working his way back up in his new job.

I have been asked by DH if ill pay for it out of the inheritance I recently received. I had planned to save the majority of it.

I also think these expensive school trips are ridiculous. They did these sorts of things when I was in school and I didn't get to go, I don't think it's that big of a deal and I just think they are geared toward kids with wealthy parents and aren't a necessity. We are going on a family holiday this summer so DSS is going abroad.

I will need to admit here that I have used some of the money to book a long weekend in lapland later this year for me and DD (DH didn't want to come and DSS is nearly 15). It's a treat that we would not usually get to afford and I'm looking forward to it with her (she is 6 so prime santa age).

This has been "gently" brought up by DH when I've said no to paying for DSS's school trip because I wanted to save the rest of the money.

Aibu? I may get flamed but I don't see it as family money. We have separate finances for a reason.

No.

you have separate finances. That’s the decision hat was made and dh doesn’t get to go back on it because you’ve got cash.

if he wants DS’s to go he can get a loan and pay for it.

(they’re not worth it anyway)

YANBU, but I'm sure you are going to get roasted on here. I'm not a step mum, but have been a sd to more people than most. If all my step parents had treated me like their own, I'd be a very wealthy woman (and much wealthier than their bio children, given my abundance of step parents)

I probably would to be honest. He’s nearly 15 and will probably have the time of his life. You and dd are going somewhere special so it would be nice for him too although I appreciate it’s your money to do what you want to with. If he’s a good boy who works hard in school and is polite and respectful to you then I wouldn’t hesitate in your position.

Absolutely no way. Your money is yours - not for you step son when his own parents can’t fund his lifestyle

Your funds shouldn't be depleted to fund a frivolous trip for dh's dc... Would his ex pay for your dd to go anywhere?

Hes 15? Any reason he can’t get a part time job and pay for it himself?

Could you loan your DH the money?

If it was me, I'd probably loan to my husband for him to pay back in installments but that doesn't mean you'd be unreasonable not to. It would seem a shame for your stepson to miss out, but it is your husband (and his ex's) responsibility to fund.

I would suggest to your DH and DSS's mum that you loan the money, but they both pay you back. Agree that €750 each is a lot more palatable and 🤞 easier to fund.
It would be a pity for him to miss the trip.

Why can your DH and his Ex pay half ? It should be easier to cone up with £750 each . Not fair to even bring you into the discussion. And if it isn't possible , it's not your fault. But don't fudge the issue by bringing up your opinion on school trips . Your own child might want to go one day .

His parents should be funding the trip, not you. Perhaps his grandparents on both sides could contribute. He should also be earning money to help to fund it.

School trip is a “want” not a “need” so I think it’s wrong of your DH to even think about asking you. None of child’s parents can afford the trip so the answer to DSS should have been “ no money” . 15 is old enough to understand this concept.
Your trip to Lapland is very different. You are DD’s parent who can afford it. Simple.

It depends if nearly all the children from his year are going or only a few. Only way I would contribute in if him & his ex also gave 500 each.

Does DH intend on paying you back? If so, then yes I would pay for it but would expect it to be repaid back within a few months.
I would also expect DSS to do something to earn the money such as additional chores around the house for the next 12 months.

Absolutely not. He shouldn't even ask that of you. If neither of his parents can afford it then he can't go, there will be plenty of other kids in the same situation.

I also hate these trips.

Agree with this. Don't know if your DH had made any mention of paying you back but it should certainly happen. You would be effectively lending the money to your stepson's actual parents. Also, your DH should pay you back in instalments from his 'fun' or personal spending part of his wages, not from what would be 'family' money, as otherwise it's still you subsidising the trip.

What’s the point of being married if you’re not going to share money? The literal legal point of marriage is that assets are shared. If you divorced he may well get half the inheritance anyway.

I agree with most of the PPs, it doesn't sit well with me that the child's parents have ducked out of this so it seems it is down to you to fund it.
I'd also be concerned that this may set a precedent that your own funds are up for grabs, despite your system of separate finances.
A but like your DH feeling 'what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine, too.'
I suppose I might offer to give a small contribution, 300 quid or so, towards the trip but that's all.

YANBU at all.

Cheeky sod asking you to pay for it, verging on a bit of a twat to try and guilt you about the trip you’re taking with DD, yuck.

He can borrow the money and pay you back but I wouldn’t give him a penny.

It’s your money, given to you by someone who wanted you to enjoy it yourself. So do that.

Did he carry on paying his way when he was out of work or have you been subsiding him?

I agree.

I'm a step parent though divorced from her dad. I pay for her to come away with me with her sisters. I would not pay for a school trip. She has two parents so that is their responsibility.

If it were a few hundred pounds, I’d say pay, but over ten percent of your inheritance, no way. £1500 is a lot of money!

What is this trip? Why is it so important?

Given your separate finances, I’m wondering what ‘DH’ is thinking asking you to pay. Is DH asking you to loan him the money and promising to return it when his is more stable financially?

Honestly, I think you’re being mean. DH hasn’t got the money, his mother hasn’t, you have. You’ve already pointed out that you didn’t get to go as a child, which is completely irrelevant but very telling. Just remember, this is a child who you’re using as a point to your DH.

If DSS’ parents can’t afford the trip, he can’t go. Lots of others will be in the same boat.