Aibu to not pay for DSS's trip?

[FrozenAgain67]

Brief background, DH was made redundant earlier this year, he is back in work now but it did deplete his savings quite a bit as he didn't get much of a payout.

I recently received a small inheritance from a family member (10k ish). We don't share finances so this is currently in my savings account. Not to say I wouldn't use any of it if there was something that needed doing to the house or whatever, but it's not in a joint account basically.

DSS's school is planning a trip for later this year to a foreign country. With the activities involved in comes in at around £1,500. He has asked to go. He stays with us 3 nights a week a week and more in the hols so it works out at 50;50. His mum is unable to afford it and DH can't really afford to drop that sort of lump sum right now while he's working his way back up in his new job.

I have been asked by DH if ill pay for it out of the inheritance I recently received. I had planned to save the majority of it.

I also think these expensive school trips are ridiculous. They did these sorts of things when I was in school and I didn't get to go, I don't think it's that big of a deal and I just think they are geared toward kids with wealthy parents and aren't a necessity. We are going on a family holiday this summer so DSS is going abroad.

I will need to admit here that I have used some of the money to book a long weekend in lapland later this year for me and DD (DH didn't want to come and DSS is nearly 15). It's a treat that we would not usually get to afford and I'm looking forward to it with her (she is 6 so prime santa age).

This has been "gently" brought up by DH when I've said no to paying for DSS's school trip because I wanted to save the rest of the money.

Aibu? I may get flamed but I don't see it as family money. We have separate finances for a reason.

@UpMyself
She doesn't have a step parent...yet. she may well do in the future. I can't say what op may or may not want to purchase in the future? I was simply saying that I would pay this out of love for the child. Judging by your multiple posts on this thread, you are more invested in this than I am.

DSS mum will have known the school has trips abroad - ergo, that incur costs.

Did she save up for them? Clearly not. So that shows she is full of BS.

Defend her all you like, fact is, she isnt paying/refuses to pay - that is down to her and her mismanagement of her financial affairs - most likely spaffing it down the drain on something frivolous in the expectation her ex-husband and the OP will foot the bill.

So unless you have proof to the contrary...

@hoppu, probably because I have a friend in a similar situation, but the parents can't afford it. Friends of the father offered to chip in but the father said politely but firmly that he would scrimp and save to pay.

@UpMyself and that is quite fair enough. 😊

Yes. I've no idea if the step-father was asked to pay. The friend is popular, but is a decent type.

I'm probably projecting a bit, because the expectations for fathers and step-fathers are low, whereas the ones for mothers and step-mothers are high.

Doesnt seem to mean much here either eh! Good ol MN hypocrisy

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5325077-stepdaughter-and-daughters-wedding?page=1

I wouldn't, though. It's a VERY expensive school trip and most children in his year will NOT be going. The existence of the step-mother's small inheritance doesn't negate the fact that the family actually cannot afford it.

Do parents who say no to trips like this despite having the money love their kids less/don’t love their kids , or is it just step mothers?

@WhenYouSayNothingAtAll i think you are spoiling for an argument because at no point did i say that if you don't pay, you don't love him. I didn't even advise that she should. I simply said, i would pay for this if i could afford to , out of love and kindness. If there were other reasons besides financial for the child not going, then only the family will know these.

Not a chance. I might lend it though. But I wouldn’t pay for it. Plus really his mum should be paying half. So if neither his mum nor dad can afford it , he can’t go!

Could you pay but make it clear to your DH that it’s a loan and that he must pay you back (your husband)?

I don't think you should because it creates a precedent and it could be expected you do that again.Who the inheritance was from might make a difference to how I spent it, however.

The way I view the Lapland trip is your DH is lucky one of you has the dosh to treat your daughter.

I really hope you’ve stood your ground on this OP

No way. If you had it from being generally wealthy then I'd consider it in your shoes. But that money was left to you, you've set aside some for a splurge and the rest is for rainy day savings.

DSS has two parents. They can't afford it. That's all there is to it.