Aibu to not pay for DSS's trip?

[FrozenAgain67]

Brief background, DH was made redundant earlier this year, he is back in work now but it did deplete his savings quite a bit as he didn't get much of a payout.

I recently received a small inheritance from a family member (10k ish). We don't share finances so this is currently in my savings account. Not to say I wouldn't use any of it if there was something that needed doing to the house or whatever, but it's not in a joint account basically.

DSS's school is planning a trip for later this year to a foreign country. With the activities involved in comes in at around £1,500. He has asked to go. He stays with us 3 nights a week a week and more in the hols so it works out at 50;50. His mum is unable to afford it and DH can't really afford to drop that sort of lump sum right now while he's working his way back up in his new job.

I have been asked by DH if ill pay for it out of the inheritance I recently received. I had planned to save the majority of it.

I also think these expensive school trips are ridiculous. They did these sorts of things when I was in school and I didn't get to go, I don't think it's that big of a deal and I just think they are geared toward kids with wealthy parents and aren't a necessity. We are going on a family holiday this summer so DSS is going abroad.

I will need to admit here that I have used some of the money to book a long weekend in lapland later this year for me and DD (DH didn't want to come and DSS is nearly 15). It's a treat that we would not usually get to afford and I'm looking forward to it with her (she is 6 so prime santa age).

This has been "gently" brought up by DH when I've said no to paying for DSS's school trip because I wanted to save the rest of the money.

Aibu? I may get flamed but I don't see it as family money. We have separate finances for a reason.

YANBU

Schools never ask for expensive trips to be paid in one lump sum. Your DH can pay for the trip in monthly instalments via the schools online pay platform. Your DH should also contact the school and explain his and his ex’s financial situation and ask for a discount on the trip.

What if he’s the one who wanted separate finances?

Imo if you agree to the trip come December it will be a ps5 /the latest Xbox dss needs....
Nip this in the bud now op. Whilst you are saving cfers are seeing ££££££

His mum can't afford it, even half. She has said a flat no unless dad can afford it. Which is fair enough, if she can't afford it she can't afford it.

DH has had to take quite a big pay cut, basically starting a few rungs down the career ladder after being made redundant and now while he is working his way back up doesn't have much disposable cash so I don't know realistically how much he could really pay back per month.

DSS says all his friends are going but whether that is true or not I don't know.

How can you say that though? I have really fond memories of the only residential school trip I went on, and that was 40 years ago!
To not pay is one thing, but to say it's because there's something particularly extravagant about the trip; while taking dd to Lapland, makes priorities clear! I would see if it could be a loan

The child's parents cannot afford the trip, therefore the responsible decision is that he unfortunately cannot go on the overpriced school trip. It's a lesson that we cannot get everything we want in life.

Your DH is unreasonable to ask you to give 15% of your inheritance for a trip that only benefits his child. This is not comparable to the weekend away with your own child.

Your husband is being unreasonable. If he is so desperate for his son to go on this trip, he can ask the school if he can pay it in small monthly instalments, and ask if they have any hardship fund to help bring down the cost. Don't forget that this £1500 will also be for covering the cost of all of the attending teachers too, which is why they are so costly.

If the child doesn't get to go, it's not the end of the world, he's still going away on a family holiday with you all, and he'll soon be old enough to save up his own money from a job to pay for holidays away with his mates.

I don't think my dh would even consider asking me in this position unless it was on a loan basis and that within 6 months he will pay you back or whatever.

What is preventing DSS, his mum and your DP from raising the money themselves? It can likely be paid in instalments. DSS should be told to raise at least £500-750 e.g. holiday job, Vinted, bake sale, sponsored run etc. If they're all so keen for him to go they can put the work in themselves. Don't loan them the money, it sounds like you won't get it back.

Re the £10k though, hope you've got a decent ISA % and are considering a longer term stocks & shares investment or pension. The best way to avoid spending is to lock it away.

I feel for DS a bit. His younger sibling gets to go to Lapland, his mates get to go on a school tryout. It sends a message that he is less of worth than his DSis maybe. You don't sound like you particularly want him to go?

only do it if DP pays you back

In that case, my answer would be no. They want their child to go on a lovely trip completely at your expense, with no intention of paying you back.

All the more reason for your DH to contact the school and ask for a discount

I probably wouldn’t because of the cost - I never paid for these sorts of trips for my own children so I wouldn’t for a step child. If it was an ordinary day school trip then yes. If my partner and step child’s parents said they would pay the money back to me then I’d also say yes.

Is it your money? Yes.
Do you have seperate finances? Yes.
Should you have to pay for it? Of course not!! He's not your child. If his parents can't afford it, tough luck. DD is your child so up to you what you lavish on her with your pot of money.

Would it be a really decent, human, loving and generous thing to do for your DSS? Yeah, it would.

I wouldn’t. It genuinely wouldn’t occur to me to do so - I’m not his parent. The SS has two of those and it’s their responsibility. If your DH wants him to go, would he borrow the money from you/would you loan him it?

It's fuxk all to do with being a stepson. None of our kids have done these ridiculous trips. Unless they a job and pay themselves.

Why can’t you pay it and then he can pay you back? You have the money available, he doesn’t after being out of work so can’t he borrow it? And then as he pays you back, you put it back into the savings account so you don’t fritter it away and then you’ll be whole again. Or ask if the mum can come up with half so he only borrows half?

People gave said the 15 year should get a job. Apart from paper rounds, modling or acting, it’s almost impossible to get a job at 15. Must places want 16 year olds, if not older.

No it isn’t. How is she trying to make a point?! He is not her child. His parents can’t afford it. Why should she?

With these type of trips,the school usually allow monthly payment. Has he checked this out. Maybe between both parents they could afford it that way.

If you weren’t around to ask, he wouldn’t be going full stop. You’re not his parent, they can’t afford it and no way to pay you back if you did.

I have a DSS. I'd probably loan my DH the money in this situation but I'd make it a clear it was a loan.

Generally YANBU but your argument or whatever you want to call it "you never went" is a bit silly.

YANBU not to pay, but I really think that you could offer DH a loan with agreed repayments, but only if he would honour it. I think that DSS should also contribute if he really wants to go.

Can you explain what’s wrong with OP taking her child to Lapland?

It’s not a slight on DSS. He has two parents who can’t afford the trip he wants. OP’s DD has two parents and one can afford the trip to Lapland. Life isn’t fair.

If OP wasn’t with his dad, if she hadn’t had someone die and leave her money, it wouldn’t even be a possibility.

Sadly, if the child’s parents can’t afford it, he will have to wait until they can. You’re not an ATM. I’d suggest a loan if the parents are able to pay it back but if they can’t, he won’t be able to go…that’s just life. My partner would never ask me to fund an unnecessary trip for his son. It’s CF territory.