To refuse to spend my day off with DS1 taxiing around SC?

[TheTealLemur]

DH has children from his first marriage and we have them every other weekend and half the holidays. They live 2-2.5 hours away so their parents have always taken it in turns to do the Friday drive (nobody wants to drive on Fridays because they work and the traffic is worse, but both have flexible hours, just need to plan around it) and Sunday drive. They hate each other but I am on polite terms with her.

I’ve just returned to work after a year of maternity leave and have requested to reduce to four days a week so I can spend a day with our son. This has been agreed as every Friday because of my team’s pre-existing work patterns. DH’s ex is now refusing to drive any Fridays because I’m “another parent who is now available.” DH has said he disagrees with her but also said that it’ll be useful if he gets “stuck at work.”

I know I’m not being unreasonable to tell the both of them to get lost, but sometimes the entitlement makes me doubt my own sanity…

Halfway handovers are shit for the child. Alternate the Friday journey so if it's EOW it will only be 1 Friday in 4 each. If they can't do that for their kid then they should be ashamed of themselves

Utter tosh.

Nothing wrong with halfway handovers.

What's shit is when parents can't be civil at handover - regardless of location.

DH to do this and often set off a bit early to have a slice cake and coffee/hot chocolate in a cafe whilst waiting for mum. Time for a nice chat and food treat.

You're not the children's parent, they are. You are responsible for looking after your own little one and it's perfectly reasonable not to want to do a long journey in Friday traffic. It's up to the parents to sort it out between themselves. Tell your partner that. Then step back and let them get on with it.

They are of their tiny minds.

We certainly are living in the Age of Entitlement.

The number of CFs I keep reading about is astounding.

Omfg. This is one of the CiestF blended family (blended - ha) entitlements I've read on here.

I'd tell them both to go swing. As a stepparent you set the boundaries you are comfortable with and I just wouldn't agree to this. I don't know why she would think you being off would absolve her of doing the drive, you do not have an equal relationship she is the actual parent. Same for your dh, they are his kids.

The children

Thank you everyone for perspective! I needed it.

We actually used to live even further apart and they met in the middle then. We’ve since moved closer. It didn’t work very well because their split was acrimonious so they’re not on civil terms and generally one or other of them had to wait around a bit so overall it took longer.

Wild was probably the wrong word to use to describe her driving at 8.5 months pregnant but I was very surprised that her partner didn’t either do the drive or at least come with her. But hats off to her and she’s an experienced mum so was probably less anxious.

@TheTealLemur But the answer surely is....is your DP/DH subsidising your Friday off and thus taht's money for all the kids incl yours and SC? If he is subsidising this Friday off, then I agree, he can ask you ;if he gets stuck.

still not up to her to ask you for anything.

If you do it your an absolute mug , put your foot down or she will continue to think she can get whatever she wants.
Leave them to sort it between them in t really isn't your problem and I'd probably change days and have a Monday off.

Why is it always the way that cheeky fuckers expect other people to give up their days off to assist them (the cfs)?!

Not a chance! This is your child’s day - say no categorically and stop telling her anything.

That might work if he was putting her lost wages and pension payments into an account.

It's not a day off - a bank holiday is a day off because you get paid.

You didn’t put in a flexible working request so you could drive instead. I’m actually surprised your partner thinks it’s a good idea particularly as it sounds like the ex is being difficult. I would put my toddler into nursery instead of having them in the car for that long on a regular basis. Is it an option that she pays for their nursery day/ petrol if you are to drive for her.

Im normally all for blended families helping each other out but in this instance I don't think you are unreasonable at all, this would not be fair on your baby son

If you go down that route, then her wage is subsidising the CM he is paying to the ex. Or the hols they have together with the stepchild etc…..

Another saying nope to that shit.

Bloody cheek from both of them. Not your problem. Your day off is to spend with your own little one and not to be looking at them in the rear view mirror for 4-5 hours.

You'll have to be strong here. Shame your DH thought he could just use you if he gets 'stuck'. I expect he was planning to get stuck every now and then as now he had an option.....never mind matey.

Your husband is as bad as her. In case he gets stuck at work? Has he ever got stuck at work? No, he just thinks you can do it now. Funny how step parents aren't allowed to parent or love the kids but they are allowed to do this stuff.

You should take Wednesday as your day off

What about her dp? Does he help out?

Absolutely no way. Tell them it's their problem.

Even if it's burning down...unless he owns the company, it's still a no.

Don't ever even do it once OP.

So much nicer for DH to get "stuck" at work for 3hrs, earning overtime and gaining favour with the boss, then head home to an empty house and some chill time alone for a few hours, whilst you're taxiing his DC about with you shared DC in tow. Fuck that shit.

Do it once and he'll get a taste for it then you'll be doing it more and more. He's acting like he owns you and can dictate your spare time. Very disrespectful to you and shows no consideration for your shared DC either.

Don't fall into the trap of spending your day off doing all the house chores and life admin either. This day off (and resulting pay cut/effect on your career) is for you and DS, not for you to make DHs life easier by absolving him of the need to do anything other than kick back and relax at the weekend.

No, obviously not 😂 my salary is far higher than nursery + petrol so why would I take a pay cut to be a taxi driver? And the whole reason I’m taking a pay cut is to be with my son.

When I read the thread title I assumed it would be taxing sc to swimming/piano/karate lesson after school (still not your job) but a 6 hour drive!!! Not in a million years!

I wouldn’t take any of their BS.