To refuse to spend my day off with DS1 taxiing around SC?

[TheTealLemur]

DH has children from his first marriage and we have them every other weekend and half the holidays. They live 2-2.5 hours away so their parents have always taken it in turns to do the Friday drive (nobody wants to drive on Fridays because they work and the traffic is worse, but both have flexible hours, just need to plan around it) and Sunday drive. They hate each other but I am on polite terms with her.

I’ve just returned to work after a year of maternity leave and have requested to reduce to four days a week so I can spend a day with our son. This has been agreed as every Friday because of my team’s pre-existing work patterns. DH’s ex is now refusing to drive any Fridays because I’m “another parent who is now available.” DH has said he disagrees with her but also said that it’ll be useful if he gets “stuck at work.”

I know I’m not being unreasonable to tell the both of them to get lost, but sometimes the entitlement makes me doubt my own sanity…

Tell them both to piss off

a toddler cannot spend 4-5 hours in a car

Absolutely fucking not.

Nope!

I'd message her directly and say I'm not available and not the DC's mother or father so I will not be doing the drive.

Fuck that

No, not a chance.

H and ex need to sort it out between themselves. Do not give way or you'll be doing it every week for years.

Don’t doubt your own sanity. This child has two parents, you are neither. Stick to your guns and prepare to refuse when an “emergency” suddenly arises for one or both of them. Do it once and you’ll be expected to keep stepping in because they bath be arsed transporting their own child around. Keep saying no.

Who moved?

I’d message ”hahaha that’s a nice try! Guess what I just changed my day off to Wednesday so I won’t be available on Fridays to be your taxi driver.”

Dont even bother changing your day off. Just send them both the message.

Well who would look after your toddler seeing as it’s much to long for him to be stuck in the car for that journey on a regular basis.

DH’s ex is now refusing to drive any Fridays because I’m “another parent who is now available.”

You're a parent but you're not your step son's parent. They are his parents. Expecting you to do an over 2 hour drive both ways is ridiculous.

Presumably they managed for the year when you were on Mat Leave (and therefore 'free' on Fridays), so nothing has changed. If anything, it's even less convenient for you now than it has been for the last year, because now Friday is your only day to get 'stuff' done.

It's a bit fat no on every level!

To answer some questions: she moved, during Covid with no notice. They’ve had this arrangement in place for over three years. And they both assume I’d take BS with me and it’d be about a six hour round trip including a break…

This really. There's two grown ass adults who can drive and chose to have kids and chose to split up and now need to choose to sort their own shit out so their child doesn't fucking suffer. They should have thought about this before they had kids.

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Exactly

Tell them no

If they keep on explain

1. they are the parents
2. they need to do thier own equal share
3. it is not fair on your child for that amount of time. Even as a one off is a joke
4. it's not fair on you
5. time, cost and car maintenance will affect you
6. if you child is your husbands then he needs to be told that obviously his youngest child equally matters to his other children and it's disgusting to force your child to do that journey
7. you don't want to
8. it's your day off to sort things and spend time with your child and you won't be losing out on this when there are two perfectly capable parents

They knew what they were getting into

I'd rather LTB rather than get dragged into this.

She moved she should be doing all the travelling

I should probably say his ex also has a toddler who is a year older and she does take her along for the drive. She also drove until she was over 8.5 months pregnant which is wild to me.

Why does she know what your day off is? What's it to do with her , no way would I do that !

Well yes rightfully so she did because she chose to move and they are HER children. They are your step children. Do not give in on this one as someone else said if rather LTB than be the unpaid taxi driver and putting my child through 6 hours journeys twice a month when they will be shattered themselves

This!

It's their children.

Precisely.

Well, surely you've been available every Friday for be last year??

Not your cirkus not your monkeys.

Well, so what? She's the one who moved away... That was her choice, she lives with the consequences.