To refuse to spend my day off with DS1 taxiing around SC?

[TheTealLemur]

DH has children from his first marriage and we have them every other weekend and half the holidays. They live 2-2.5 hours away so their parents have always taken it in turns to do the Friday drive (nobody wants to drive on Fridays because they work and the traffic is worse, but both have flexible hours, just need to plan around it) and Sunday drive. They hate each other but I am on polite terms with her.

I’ve just returned to work after a year of maternity leave and have requested to reduce to four days a week so I can spend a day with our son. This has been agreed as every Friday because of my team’s pre-existing work patterns. DH’s ex is now refusing to drive any Fridays because I’m “another parent who is now available.” DH has said he disagrees with her but also said that it’ll be useful if he gets “stuck at work.”

I know I’m not being unreasonable to tell the both of them to get lost, but sometimes the entitlement makes me doubt my own sanity…

I’ve just returned to work after a year of maternity leave

What's the difference between you having Fridays off now and being off for a year? Did they expect you to do the journey for the last year?

I'd have my day off on a Wednesday and tell them both to piss off.

Say no. It’s their job to ferry the SC around not you. You might as well go back to work 5 days a week if that is the case!

Yanbu.

I'd either change my day or ensure I had some other activity on Friday afternoons, because they both have a problematic and entitled attitude. It sounds like she probably got the information about your day off from DH? I wouldn't be impressed with that.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Nope. Not a fucking chance. I'm not even sure who's the bigger arsehole in this situation, her or him. Both of them can get to fuck though.

Wow, you KNOW it's really unreasonable when all the posters side with the stepmum.

Your DP and his ex knew what they were getting into when they had kids!

Presumably the ex-wfe has a new partner? By her reasoning he is another parent and should be taking a turn.

This is one of those oh-so-rare threads where EVERY SINGLE post is in agreement!

Agreed

Absolutely not OP, I'd be making my position absolutely clear then be tempted to turn my phone off on a Friday afternoon in case of any last minute 'work emergencies' from your DH

You can see it now - he’ll be ‘stuck at work’ and expecting you to do it!
It’s a whole heap of nope from me too. I’d have plans every Friday. The plans might be to stay at home and just be with your little one or out an about but they’re still plans!!

Yeah, be prepared for your dh to suddenly start getting "stuck at work" regularly on Friday afternoons.

Find things to do on a Friday that make you unavailable.

Absolutely not! Your taking a pay cut to spend quality time with your child..not dealing with them being unhappy in the car/danger naps as presumably it's after school the step kids are picked up. Absolutely not!

How old are the kids? Is them doing at least part of the journey on the train an option ?

No, no, nope. What’s the betting your husband will suddenly start getting ‘stuck’ at work on Friday on a regular basis?

you’ve dropped a day to spend with yous son, catch up on chores and generally rest not drive up to 5 hours.

I'm sure some arse will be along to ruin the streak 😆

How often has your husband been stuck at work up until now?

Absolutely bloody not. And make sure your DH knows that you're not on hand to do this ever. Jesus wept.

She knows about it because SC told her, not DH. Before my request was approved I was upset about having to put DS in full-time nursery and they were parroting their mum’s views that it’s cruel to babies and that she’d never do it and so on… SC are happy for me and BS that we have a day off together and clearly that’s got back to their mum. No problems between me and SC. They’re great.

I would (and have) done the drive in a genuine emergency for either of them and have reiterated to DH that this position is unchanged and I won’t be doing it because he wants to work late.

For people saying she should do all the driving - I don’t disagree but she has often threatened not to do any driving at all, and DH couldn’t get that approved with work whilst we went to court so it felt easier/fairer to split it to keep the peace. To be honest I’ve given in to many of her requests in the past for the sake of keeping the peace. Her entitlement is bigger than anyone’s I’ve ever known. As a natural people-pleaser I find it impressive really!

If she can "refuse to drive" then so can you and you have far better reason to refuse - you are not the child's third parent, he only has two of those.

If no one can shift him on Friday evening then he'll have to be picked up or dropped off on Saturday morning won't he?

A six hour round trip sounds horrendous.

Maybe they need to both get over themselves and meet halfway on Friday and Sundays during contact weekends to make things easier on everyone.

And tell her to fuck off you won't be involved in this chauffeuring malarkey;he's their kid;they can sort their own shit our.

his ex also has a toddler who is a year older and she does take her along for the drive

Why isn't the toddler left with their dad?

How old are the sc? If they are old enough to debate merits of babies in ft nursery they are probably old enough to get public transport alone met at either end. Coach? Train?

If the mother moved away isn't she responsible for the transport?

I bet part of this is because she is jealous that you get in with the SC, so she wants them to think you're a bad DM putting your DC full time in childcare. Except of course now you are not, so how else can she make the situation be to her advantage.