To refuse to spend my day off with DS1 taxiing around SC?

[TheTealLemur]

DH has children from his first marriage and we have them every other weekend and half the holidays. They live 2-2.5 hours away so their parents have always taken it in turns to do the Friday drive (nobody wants to drive on Fridays because they work and the traffic is worse, but both have flexible hours, just need to plan around it) and Sunday drive. They hate each other but I am on polite terms with her.

I’ve just returned to work after a year of maternity leave and have requested to reduce to four days a week so I can spend a day with our son. This has been agreed as every Friday because of my team’s pre-existing work patterns. DH’s ex is now refusing to drive any Fridays because I’m “another parent who is now available.” DH has said he disagrees with her but also said that it’ll be useful if he gets “stuck at work.”

I know I’m not being unreasonable to tell the both of them to get lost, but sometimes the entitlement makes me doubt my own sanity…

YANBU. Don’t even do the drive in ‘emergencies’.

The ex has a cheek.

No way - their son, their responsibility, you have a baby to look after.

They are both CFs. They deserve each other.

But another parent is not available. Your stepchild has 2 parents and between them they need to sort out travel arrangements.

Screw that!

Just say no. And dont do it.

You tell her that the kid has two parents, his mother, (her) and his father and it’s up to both of them to sort the travel, especially as she moved away

Its not up to you to facilitate

Absolutely not! You've reduced your hours and taken a pay cut for your own work/life balance, not to be a bloody taxi driver! Your DH needs to back you up and not just tacitly hope you'll slip into this arrangement.
Also second all the pps saying your toddler will be incredibly bored doing this all the time!

Absolutely not. What a CF she is!

Yes how does she even know about this??

I’d rather continue to work full time in this case, at least you’d have a day’s wages and DS would be better off in nursery than in a car seat for 6 hours!

Still nope. You are cutting your hours and I assume your salary to spend quality time with your child, not to spend 6 hours on the road.

Number 1 - they are HER kids and number 2 - SHE put them in this position

Not a chance would I do it

I also think that the first time you help out your husband when he's "stuck at work" won't be the last and before you know it, you'll be doing it every time

You may as well just work Fridays and get paid for an extra day if this is how you have to spend your 'day off'

Surely if your DH's ex has a toddler, she has a partner - by her logic he is another 'available parent' to ferry her children around, no?

She had a baby knowing she needed to do the drive. No way should you do this. Stand firm

Why have they been driving the whole way and back instead of both driving to a midpoint and exchanging?

Tell her to get to fuck.

My phone would block the pair of them or be ofd for the whole of Friday, every Friday.

I'm so angry for you op, this is YOUR precious time for YOUR child! How dare they try to decide what your day will entail.

And fuck your husband off telling her and deciding you can step in if he's stuck, no, no, no.

This. Absolutely not fair for your child to spend that time in the car on a regular basis. No way would I be doing this except perhaps on a very very rare occasion in exceptional circumstances.

How does she even know about this? Did tour partner tell her and suggest that you could do it?

Why are they expecting you do it now when you didn't even do it when on maternity leave?

I assume she thinks the OP is available as she isn't working, if her partner is working on Fridays by her logic he isn't available.

Absolutely not. You are taking a day off losing pay, pension and possibly affecting promotion. Obviously with intention to spend quality time with toddler.
Has your husband looked into taxi (same regular driver dbs checked like who does school contracts) or if secondary age could they get train.

Nope on a rope.

'You must be joking. That's the cheekiest ask I've heard in a long while. I'm not his parent and I didn't choose to move far away. You'll need to sort it between you. I won't be available even in if one of you 'can't' get away. And that's all there is to it.'

And then just don't engage any further: 'you've had my answer. It's no. And it won't be changing'. Any wheedling or attempts to make you feel guilty: 'that's a challenge for you to solve, not me'. Repeat until you get fed up and then 'I won't tell you again, you know the deal' and ignore any further chat.

Curious as to how she knows you're off and thinks she can commandeer your Fridays you've sacrificed salary for.

Make it really clear right now that they can both fuck off, otherwise you'll find that your DH miraculously gets "stuck at work" on the same Friday each month.

Contact your employer and say you've changed your mind.

You might as well work, and be paid, rather than act as a free taxi service.

If you do this once they'll have you doing it every week.

You need to tell your husband that he can fuck off with his "handy if he gets stuck at work" bullshit because you aren't stupid and you know exactly what he will try to pull.