I do not see the need to leap to her sudden demand to meet her

[VanillaPlanifolia]

I've been in my DSD's life for 7 years now. I offered before even meeting them to meet mum for a coffee. She just said "OK look forward to it" and then never arranged it. I didn't arrange it as it was for her really not me so as she didn't I assumed she wasn't that fussed if that makes sense. Anyway she's suddenly decided years later to ask if we could all go out and get to know each other. I've had my own child since then and don't want her to have anything to do with them really. I also can't see the point of meeting her now when it's been 7 years and the kids are nearly grown up they'll be leaving for uni in a few years so what's the point. Anyone else dealt with a sudden interest? I think it's because she's thinking of uni fees and is trying to butter me up personally in the hopes I'll help pay (fat chance).

She never once said her SD is nothing to do with her. She said the ex is nothing to do with her.

I wouldn’t bother and moreover would be giving her a wide berth. Stay well out of it.

My step children’s mother hasn’t wanted to meet me in the years their dad and I have been together. I think it’s odd but I certainly wouldn’t be jumping to meet her now if she turned around and decided she has changed her mind.

My husband has met his children step dad. He has met my daughters dad. I have met with my ex and his long term partner numerous times over the years. Which I think is fairly normal. We’re not in each others pockets but certainly civil and at ease in each others presence.

Their mother made her choice and I will abide by that, I’ve no interest in meeting her now. It is abundantly clear we are very different people with completely different values and aspirations for our children.

When people are talking about the potential awkardness meeting her in the future at events etc, pretty sure they mean FOR THE KIDS. For example if your DSD got an award or something or graduated, got married, had an event where family are expected to be, ideally she would not have to waste any time worrying about the fact that her mum and stepmum will be there and (this is the subtext) may not get on. Ideally she could just enjoy the occasion without having to give her parents any thought at all. With this in mind I think best to forget the past and just meet her for a very quick coffee so that is “done” and go back to ignoring each other. Does that make sense? You clearly love the DSD(s) so think of it as a favour for them in the future. Does that make sense?

My parents and in laws met before the wedding for this exact reason, I didn’t really care at the time but come the wedding day I was glad that this wasn’t an aspect I had to think about.

Your posts sound quite angry and hostile and talk of things 'getting heated'. It seems like a strange response to a coffee invitation. Do you have anger issues generally, or just when it comes to this woman?

Maybe there's a reason for that. Maybe the ex has caused problems and drama over the years.

Nothing I've read is 'hostile'. 🙄But OP is entitled to feel that way if someone is laying claim to her income, as has happened here.

If a step mum posted on here that bed ad