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Original poster

Husband being dramatic over holiday

873 replies

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:03

I recently went away with a friend abroad.

I purchased my 2yo a small gift whilst there and also rang to speak to her every day. I also bought my sister a gift as she helped a couple of the days collecting from nursery when H wasn't home yet.

Husband made comments when I got back about it being unreasonable that I hadn't bought something for DSS. He also mentioned the fact I never even asked to speak to DSS or say hello when I facetimed our DD.

I think he's being silly and a bit dramatic. Especially re the facetime thing. Of course I missed our DD and wanted to see her. It may sound awful but I didn't think about DSS once and certainly didn't miss him, why would I be desperate to say hello to him?

DSS is 11 for reference.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:05

To add, if I'd happened to have seen DSS on the facetime I'd have obviously said hello. But no I wasn't going to go out of the way to ask H to go and find him in his room so I could speak to him. I think it's weird he'd think I would and if he was that arsed he should have called DSS over himself to say hello.

OP posts:
Dearover · 22/04/2024 07:05

Does your DSS usually live with you? A token gift wouldn't have done any harm.

Original poster
Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:06

Dearover · 22/04/2024 07:05

Does your DSS usually live with you? A token gift wouldn't have done any harm.

No he's there 3 nights a week.

OP posts:
WhamBamThankU · 22/04/2024 07:06

Agree, a small token item would have been thoughtful.

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 22/04/2024 07:07

He's with you half the time I wouldn't have bought for one child and not the other, it's also a bit sad that he lives with you for half his life and you didn't think of him even once when you were away and calling home.

Riverlee · 22/04/2024 07:07

Did you ask after dss and how he was?

I do think you could have got him a present though, a giant toblerone from the airport etc

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 22/04/2024 07:08

I mean for context if I'm away and call home I ask after the cat,

GrazingSheep · 22/04/2024 07:08

You made it quite obvious that you have zero interest in him.

ByUmberViewer · 22/04/2024 07:10

MyOtherCarisAVauxhallZafira · 22/04/2024 07:07

He's with you half the time I wouldn't have bought for one child and not the other, it's also a bit sad that he lives with you for half his life and you didn't think of him even once when you were away and calling home.

This. Very sad. I'd be upset too if I was your DP.

Longdueachange · 22/04/2024 07:10

I understand why your dh and or ss is hurt. A small gift, something like airport sweets or chocolate even, would have been enough for a child that lives with you 3 nights a week. You don't have to show him the same affection as your own dc, that would be unnatural, but just a token would have been nice.

Meadowfinch · 22/04/2024 07:11

I'd be pretty fed up with that too. You buy a gift for one child, you buy for both. They are both family now.

Kosenrufugirl · 22/04/2024 07:11

I side with your husband on this issue. I think you are being terribly mean and lack insight into the consequences of your behaviour on others. Feeling really sad on behalf of 11 years old

Mercurial123 · 22/04/2024 07:12

Of course, YABVU. He's a child and part of your family.

Medschoolmum · 22/04/2024 07:12

Yeah, I think a token gift wouldn't have been too much to ask. The child lives with you for half the week.

Enko · 22/04/2024 07:13

Another one who sides with your dh here.

Your stepson is a part of your family. You treated him as if he wasn't.

Even if you don't see him as your family he is your daughters brother.

Dearover · 22/04/2024 07:13

I think most people would have picked up a bag of Haribo or airport special Pringles (ketchup flavour?) for an 11 yo.

MissBedelia · 22/04/2024 07:13

Well, I’d been dating my ex husband for two months when I went on holiday and brought back a gift for his ds. (I remember as it was an American football and is still played with my them and now our grown up ds!)

I think it’s not nice to buy him a gift.

Whinge · 22/04/2024 07:14

it's also a bit sad that he lives with you for half his life and you didn't think of him even once when you were away and calling home.

I was just about to say something very similar. Of course you missed your DD but it's quite sad you didn't even think about him once. It doesn't take much to ask how he is or say hi, especially as you called every night while you were away.

As for the gift, I would have bought something for both of them. But I can see why you didn't, as it really doesn't sound as though you like the poor boy very much. Sad

mitogoshi · 22/04/2024 07:14

I'm with your husband here, a small gift would have been polite and to as a bare minimum ask after him. In reverse, if you had a child and your dh was away and only bought for the joint one you would be livid

Original poster
Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:14

I understand why your dh and or ss is hurt

Ss isn't hurt. He doesn't even know as he wasn't here when I got back and gave small teddy to 2yo. He won't have a clue.

I also would bet my house that he won't have given a shit about me not begging to speak to him whilst I way away either. He was likely happily chatting to friends on his computer not giving me a second thought - as he should be!

H is always very sensitive about minor stuff like this imo even when no one else cares (especially SS).

OP posts:
Icantbedoingwithit · 22/04/2024 07:15

Bit lousy to be fair. Bringing something small back for him wouldn’t have killed you.

NigelHarmansNewWife · 22/04/2024 07:15

The fact you didn't even think about the child says it all. This makes you sound detached and quite callous. Even if that's how you really feel not getting him a gift makes it obvious you don't consider him part of your family. I'm flabbergasted you think this is okay.

MultiplaLight · 22/04/2024 07:15

That's a bit harsh OP to not buy him anything, he lives with you half his life.

Soontobe60 · 22/04/2024 07:15

You were thoughtless and uncaring. When you married your DH, his child came as part of the package. I would be furious if I were your DH!

Notonthestairs · 22/04/2024 07:16

I think I would have picked him up some chocolate.

Nobody is asking you to 'beg' to talk to your SS.