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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Husband being dramatic over holiday

873 replies

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:03

I recently went away with a friend abroad.

I purchased my 2yo a small gift whilst there and also rang to speak to her every day. I also bought my sister a gift as she helped a couple of the days collecting from nursery when H wasn't home yet.

Husband made comments when I got back about it being unreasonable that I hadn't bought something for DSS. He also mentioned the fact I never even asked to speak to DSS or say hello when I facetimed our DD.

I think he's being silly and a bit dramatic. Especially re the facetime thing. Of course I missed our DD and wanted to see her. It may sound awful but I didn't think about DSS once and certainly didn't miss him, why would I be desperate to say hello to him?

DSS is 11 for reference.

OP posts:

Whinge · 22/04/2024 07:24

Icequeen01 · 22/04/2024 07:21

Your DSS may not be aware but your DH is. I think you may have caused some irreparable damage there to be honest.

Unfortunately the DSS will be very aware of how he is treated compared to DD. If it's this obvious how much the OP dislikes him just from a couple of posts, you can be certain it's apparent in real life as well.

Icantbedoingwithit · 22/04/2024 07:25

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:22

Ok could have gotten him a pack of sweets or something. But not asking H to go and find him every time I wanted to speak to my own DD is ridiculous to me.

You have 2 children, your own daughter and a stepson. You are a blended FAMILY. But in your mind you don’t see it like that.

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/04/2024 07:27

I can't imagine not bringing back a small present for a child I lived with three days a week, or not thinking about him all when I was away on holiday. That feels very cold.

OhGoodItsRainingAgain · 22/04/2024 07:28

You're obviously convinced you've done nothing wrong, so why ask? Your SS isn't bothered, but your DH has an issue. Can you acknowledge that he may have a point? You obviously don't see his son as part of your own family.

Baileyqueen · 22/04/2024 07:28

Truthfully, I’d be thinking I’d made a mistake blending families with you if I was your dh. Of course you aren’t going to feel quite the same about a step child as you do your own, but there’s a difference between that and just not giving a s* about a step child.

Senzadubbidobbi · 22/04/2024 07:28

If this were a man and he was treating his step kids differently than his own, he'd be absolutely slammed on here and out the door!

To be fair, OP is woman and also getting slammed on here.

OP, the worse thing is the way you dismiss your DH as being dramatic and straw man his concerns. He is not asking you to fawn over his son, but to check in on his wellbeing.

I can’t believe you would think it’s ok to buy one child a present and the other not.

ThePerfectDog · 22/04/2024 07:28

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:21

Of course I do... hence it being a stupid question.

Show quote history

The point here is that your SS is part of your daughter’s family along with her dad. He lives with you half of the week, he’s not a guest or a cuckoo.

You are choosing to view him as separate, but that’s not how they will see him. So they are going to be unsettled at such a blatant two tier treatment, and so will he when he sees it.

It’s terribly sad.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 22/04/2024 07:29

You need to listen to what everyone is saying OP. You clearly don't consider your SS part of the family. I imagine your SS is very aware of how you feel about him. You need to change your attitude.

Newbutoldfather · 22/04/2024 07:29

Not giving him a second thought when he has been at your house at least 3 years for virtually half the time is really strange!

Imagine if you and your husband split up and he remarried. How would you feel if his new wife had the same attitude to your daughter?

xyz111 · 22/04/2024 07:32

Yep, you've been a bit of a bitch here Op but I have a feeling you're not going to listen to any of us. Sounds like you don't like him very much.

EatCrow · 22/04/2024 07:32

Would it be fair to say you don’t give a shit about your stepson and are happy with that status quo? Would it also be fair to say you will never consider him as part of your family either?

Original poster

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:33

Newbutoldfather · 22/04/2024 07:29

Not giving him a second thought when he has been at your house at least 3 years for virtually half the time is really strange!

Imagine if you and your husband split up and he remarried. How would you feel if his new wife had the same attitude to your daughter?

I honestly can't imagine giving a toss that a woman who isn't her mother didn't miss her or be bothered about speaking to her when she went on holiday for a few days.

OP posts:

TheHorneSection · 22/04/2024 07:33

An 11yo doesn’t want to talk to you on the phone. My own 12yo wouldn’t call or text or want to speak to me if I was away, because they’re selfish little so and so’s are that age, as they quite rightly should be.

Doesn't mean you don’t ask after them. I’m genuinely surprised that the boy who lives with you nearly half the week, the boys who is your child’s brother, didn’t cross your mind once to even ask over or buy a small gift. Poor sod.

SallyWD · 22/04/2024 07:34

Assuming DSS is a child, I would most definitely have bought him something too. I'd also have saud hello to him on the phone. Poor kid is the getting the message that he doesn't really matter.

Original poster

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:34

EatCrow · 22/04/2024 07:32

Would it be fair to say you don’t give a shit about your stepson and are happy with that status quo? Would it also be fair to say you will never consider him as part of your family either?

I do give a shit about him. Do I miss him when I go away like I do my own DD? Or when hes at his mums? No absolutely not. Do I feel the need to speak to him when I'm not around like I do DD? No.

OP posts:

romdowa · 22/04/2024 07:34

You could have at least bought ss something, anything . Not doing so is very unkind of you

BlastedPimples · 22/04/2024 07:34

@Pluddy67 you might not give a toss but your dd might.

I think you showed casual indifference to a kid who is most definitely in your life a lot.

I bet he feels great.

ComputerInitiateJump · 22/04/2024 07:35

I was the stepchild and had this happen many times and I acted like it didn't matter even though it hurt deeply.

My father never stood for me so I'm so pleased your dh is taking a stand for his da. A small token gift and a quick 'hi ds!' even if he doesn't really want to talk on facetime is all it takes to help him feel included.

He's going into his teen years where emotions get extremely heightened over the smallest thing, so I would take a little more care with him now or you could have some rough times ahead.

TheHorneSection · 22/04/2024 07:35

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:33

I honestly can't imagine giving a toss that a woman who isn't her mother didn't miss her or be bothered about speaking to her when she went on holiday for a few days.

Show quote history

But it’s not about whether DSS thought of you or missed you, can’t you see that? It’s the fact that it didn’t even occur to you to buy him the smallest gift. This boy lives with you half the week and you didn’t once think, hmm, DSS might like that T-shirt or, I wonder if he did ok at that school test today.

Original poster

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:36

I did ask in the sense that I asked what they'd all been up to/ what they'd eaten for tea or whatever. Hs issue is that I didn't specifically ask to speak to him the same way I wanted to speak to DD.

OP posts:

Whinge · 22/04/2024 07:36

I do give a shit about him.

Nothing you've posted shows you care about him.

He doesn't live with you - Depsite being there 3 days every week

You didn't buy him a gift - Despite buying for DD and your sister

You didn't think of him once while away - Despite being his step parent for at least 3 years

EatCrow · 22/04/2024 07:38

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:34

I do give a shit about him. Do I miss him when I go away like I do my own DD? Or when hes at his mums? No absolutely not. Do I feel the need to speak to him when I'm not around like I do DD? No.

Show quote history

What constitutes giving a shit?

A cheap gift?

jobsjkfo · 22/04/2024 07:38

I'm surprised you didn't think to buy something for a child that lives with you nearly half the week, we usually buy token gifts for our nieces and nephews when we go away with our children.

MultiplaLight · 22/04/2024 07:38

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:33

I honestly can't imagine giving a toss that a woman who isn't her mother didn't miss her or be bothered about speaking to her when she went on holiday for a few days.

Show quote history

WTF

You have to be one of the most selfish SMs around.

Original poster

Pluddy67 · 22/04/2024 07:38

He doesn't live with you - Depsite being there 3 days every week

Come off it. That poster was clearly asking if he lived here full time. Which he doesn't.

OP posts:

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