Dh being made redundant

[supertatos]

For transparency I've NC as potentially outing if linked to other posts I've made.

DH is being made redundant. He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job. Even then it will likely be a reduced payment for a while due to nature of his current role.

I inherited a largish sum of money and have paid for the refurbishment of the kitchen which we couldn't really hide from the DSC. It was much needed as the existing kitchen was falling apart.

Obviously now the ex is kicking off saying he shouldn't be spending his money on that etc. He's told her it was my money. So yeah..you can guess what's coming..she wants me to pay the maintenance payments instead.

Am I right that my money is nothing to do with it even if it is a large lump sum inheritance or can she take this to court?

@supertatos thats great - just with a few comments I saw flying around I thought it was good to flag up for anyone not aware. We went through this with redundancy and it was awful so you have my full support.

OH MY GOD MAKE IT STOP

Yeah worth giving people the heads up as it does catch people unawares. Hope your situation is OK now - it's a toughie

@supertatos If ex-wife is working, she should be able to get by without maintenance, at least for a while?
It's not your job to financially support her kids.

If the resident parent does not have the wherewithal to support their child they are able to claim benefits that allow them to do so whereas the non resident parent does not.

So if the situation were reversed and the ex was made redundant with no income then they can claim for this support.

This thread is fucking insane.

The totally batshit first wives who lurk in the step parenting boards, just to get triggered by anything posted by a stepmother… 😂

There's a theory that covid has made people stupider. This site would be a great testing ground 🙄

Selling the house to release equity WTF.

Even if it wasn't bonkers, the husband will probably have gotten a new job by the time it completes.

Agreed. It's nuts

No-one has suggested that she sticks her entire wardrobe on vinted yet which surprised me

I also think some suggestions are batshit; I asked why he had no savings and lived hand to mouth like this and wasn’t even getting a redundancy pay out, which the op hasn’t answered either as she didn’t see it or didn’t wish to answer..

Hi, sorry no didn't see it.

We have our own child and the teens have wanted/needed some big purchases plus he needed a new car (2nd hand don't get excited) so his savings have been depleted. He will get the statutory redundancy payment. Is that OK?(..)

Ha that went during my mat leave!

I have a DSD and when DH was made redundant I did cover the full maintenance from my salary as it didn’t feel right to just give up responsibility while we weren’t financially suffering. I personally would find it impossible to justify spending money on a new kitchen while DSD didn’t get any money from us. But DSD and I are very close and I am very much a parental figure to her.

Do you have any other kids??

the Op already has her lovely kitchen as she is entitled to spend her money on whatever she likes!

I can’t conceive of a situation where I was sitting on valuable assets but paid nothing to support my children.

Of course I would sell things, or take out loans - obviously starting with what was easily liquidated - to meet my obligations. Downsizing the house would be a last resort but I’d absolutely be looking at selling cars, bikes and other valuables before I let a single payment drop.

So many men think it’s okay to turn the tap on and off. His situation is unfortunate and I’m not suggesting that he’s sitting on his arse instead of being out there looking for a job, but “doing everything you can” shouldn’t just be limited to paying a (meagre) proportion of their income. There is an absolute obligation to pay for the children you’ve created.

I absolutely don’t expect the OP to prop up her husband - not her responsibility at all. But I find it distasteful that she’s so easy breezy about her husband not meeting his commitments.

How was OP breezy? I haven’t read it that way.

@supertatos have you thought about taking in ironing yet?!!!😂

Perhaps in hindsight that was unfair; I think I have read across from the horror expressed by other posters that it is madness to expect him to pay anything in these circumstances. And the slightly flippant “I will pay for my kids and the step DC’s mum will pay for his” comment.

But I accept that this is a very stressful situation and that it’s no picnic for anyone, OP included.

She shouldn’t. But her DH should.

Thank you that is appreciated

Your kids have a stepmother per chance? Your posts are really up there on this thread. 😂

No, not a blended family. No stepmothers or stepfathers in the picture at all. No bitterness.

I am expressing what my approach would be if DH and I ever split up, and I did not have a ready income to contribute to my children’s costs. I despair of the notion that a parent (usually the father) can dip in and out of paying for their kids. It happens all too often. And I’m surprised that so many seem to think it’s okay.

@ComfyBoobs It would be the EXACT same situation if the father was married to bio mum (I said what I said). He'd be unable to contribute.

But that makes all the difference! They’re not married! The mother soaking up the full financial responsibility in that scenario is part of the for-better-or-for-worse contract between them. And any sale of assets or loans could affect both of them, so they would decide together what was the best approach.

Your logic would prop up feckless ex-husbands everywhere.

What would happen if dad was single…proper up shits creak then