Dh being made redundant

[supertatos]

For transparency I've NC as potentially outing if linked to other posts I've made.

DH is being made redundant. He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job. Even then it will likely be a reduced payment for a while due to nature of his current role.

I inherited a largish sum of money and have paid for the refurbishment of the kitchen which we couldn't really hide from the DSC. It was much needed as the existing kitchen was falling apart.

Obviously now the ex is kicking off saying he shouldn't be spending his money on that etc. He's told her it was my money. So yeah..you can guess what's coming..she wants me to pay the maintenance payments instead.

Am I right that my money is nothing to do with it even if it is a large lump sum inheritance or can she take this to court?

Yes!!!! All of this!!!

Because no one gives a single damn about her, long as the ex wife is ok 🫤

They’re not even bothered about the ex wife being ok. She may be a high earner or be financially independent, no one’s asked if she will cope or not.

it’s about making him pay. And making his new wife pay too. They have to suffer. Even if she’s a millionaire he still has to pay her, even if it means selling his house to do so.

Nobody should be relying so heavily on maintenance in the first place.

Relying on someone else? You make the father of her children sound like a complete stranger rather than their biological dad who should support them.

@Codlingmoths I don't rely heavily on the father of my child to provide for our daughter...and I'm happily married to him! Both parents should take responsibility; why must it be one has to work more than the other? Or one not at all?

Exactly “father” that doesn’t extend to “step mum” they are not one entity.

Same if my DH got made redundant I would have to step up.

My DSS’ Mum tried to pull this on DH, when her DH (DSS step dad) lost his job (through his own misconduct) she asked for more support - it was already generous and she had 3 more kids by her now DH. Yet rather than get a job herself still felt my DH was somehow obliged to provide the shortfall.

Some people are so entitled! Plus her DH thinking it was ok to move the financial burden for 3 of his own kids to an unrelated man. I thought it was awful.

Yeah we need the car if he's to have any chance of getting a job

Tattle are backing you OP

Oh! Hi over there!

if they were still together she’d not be expecting anyone else to step in and make up the financial loss to the household, so why is it different because they aren’t together?

Quite! In a ‘together’ family, everyone has to tighten their belt if Dad loses his job, and no one would consider a third party has any sort of responsibility to step in and fund the shortfall! That would be ridiculous. I’m sure the OP’s DH is doing everything he can to find a new job, the ex will just have to weather the storm until he’s back in work. Just as if they were still together.

Dare I suggest the ex could take on some additional hours (as she may consider this, if they were still together…..)

And has anyone stopped to consider the OP’s household will also take a financial hit due to her DH’s redundancy? Or doesn’t that count? Is it all just about the ex?

I haven’t read the whole thread (just the OP).

My story….

I’m a SM who’s now DH was made redundant.

At the start of the 3 month consultation process my DH wrote to his EW to say he was being made redundant and maintaince would need to temporarily reduce while he looked for a new job. He was paying £800 pm at the time.

She (as per normal) massively kicked off. Despite a contact order she withheld contact and had the kids ring him (in tears) saying that they couldn’t see him as he didn’t pay mummy enough money. On being made redundant he had dropped the amount to £500 pm (which was still well over what the CMS calculated when he was employed).

To resume contact I started topping up the maintenance by £300 a month. This was despite her toxicity towards me and all her name calling. And no…. I wasn’t the OH. She is extremely bitter & toxic.

When the kids dropped into conversation that I was only allowed to be referred to as ‘her’ by their mum and replayed back her slagging me off. I thought enough is enough. So I stopped paying. I wasn’t asking for thanks, but frankly they aren’t my kids and all she did was slag me off. She chose to work 3 days a week (kids were in secondary school) so like the rest of us - if she wants more money then she can pull her finger out & earn it.

They aren’t your kids & aren’t your responsibility. If they were still married they would have to pull their belts in. You are likely to get no thanks and it will be expected.

It will no doubt suck for her and the kids but you don’t owe their household anything. You’ve got your own battles to be getting on with. She’ll have to just get on with it like you are doing.

He’s not working so he’s supporting neither your household or his ex’s household. You’re solely supporting yours and she’s solely supporting hers, which is fair enough in these circumstances.

She’s a CF to expect another woman to prop her up.

Legally you have no obligation to financially contribute, however morally it’s a tricky one. I grew up in a blended family and now have one of my own, and both me / my DP would (and have) contributed towards DSCs for various reasons in the past.

Also, if you have joined finances then any benefits (such as universal credit) that he could potentially claim for whilst unemployed would be impacted by your income.

If I were your DH then I would find it very difficult to continue living a comfortable lifestyle (due to my DPs income) whilst I am then unable to contribute towards my children.

Hopefully your DH will find another job quickly and be able to continue maintenance payments in the interim from savings / redundancy.

Absolutely bloody crackers some of the responses on here!
Hey op, out of curiosity is the ex married again or living with someone else?

Nope. @Victoriasponge12 OP has no moral obligations. I wish people would stop trying to make other people feel guilty with "morals".

No you should not be paying the maintenance

If your partner has savings he should be using them
If he got redundancy money then some of that should be set aside for his maintenance payments
If he did not keep a coupe month of maintenance payments as a back up then he was stupid.

IF he gets a job with less monies - then yes maintenance will go down - but that does not mean the DCS get any cheaper and she will then be subsidising their fathers contribution - which will be annoying.

I suppose the thing to do at the moment is not go on an expensive holiday and rub her nose in it. She has every right to be pissed off that the DCS father can not pay maintenance but not a lot she can do about it.

Why the hell does he have no savings.

Why the hell does he have no savings

ffs

How much is maintenance a week or month ?

You say you have an inheritance - how much is left

Dh is looking for a job

So if you paid cm for maybe 2-3mths while he finds a new job to support your dh - could you do that

Rather then lend it to him

People are being really harsh here;the man is losing his job;he has no choice in that;he isn't voluntarily giving up CM payments but is being forced to.

The OP is going to have to cover all shortfalls in their home including the cost of their joint child and her DSC when they stay.Truthfully OP probably can't afford to cover CM payments too.We are in a major economic crisis at the moment.

I completely understand that the ex is upset and is lashing out;they are probably panicking about their own finances but these things happen unfortunately.

My DH was made redundant with no redundancy pay and a months wages missing last year and it was awful and we were absolutely screwed.

This is an absolutely clear cut decision. Your money in no way has to go to provide for his children.

The focus should squarely lie on your husband finding a job. When he gets another job then maintenance payments start again.

Loosing employment is not uncommon in households where families are together, it's a hurdle they get over. This is one of those situations- she may be entitled to uc, if not she needs to find a way to make ends meet.

This is not your responsibility at all.

I imagine your household too is finding this situation difficult.

My husband's ex did something similar when he was made redundant (before me) made husband pay exactly the same otherwise he couldn't see the children. His dad took out a loan and when he found a job he repaid it back. I was utterly disgusted as a lone parent for many years who funded everything myself how a money grabbing selfish individual would do that when her ex was in a difficult situation.

It's not your responsibility, she is not entitled.

OP has absolutely no moral obligations whatsoever …. Ridiculous comment 🙄

No ones fucking business how much inheritance OP got - NOT TO BE USED TO PAY FOR OTHER PEOPLE’S KIDS

FFS @Blondeshavemorefun you’re ridiculous .