Dh being made redundant

[supertatos]

For transparency I've NC as potentially outing if linked to other posts I've made.

DH is being made redundant. He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job. Even then it will likely be a reduced payment for a while due to nature of his current role.

I inherited a largish sum of money and have paid for the refurbishment of the kitchen which we couldn't really hide from the DSC. It was much needed as the existing kitchen was falling apart.

Obviously now the ex is kicking off saying he shouldn't be spending his money on that etc. He's told her it was my money. So yeah..you can guess what's coming..she wants me to pay the maintenance payments instead.

Am I right that my money is nothing to do with it even if it is a large lump sum inheritance or can she take this to court?

No. Nothing to do with you. You are not obliged to pay anything.

Were you involved with your DH and his ex discussions on having children? Were you involved in the conception of their children? Were you involved in their discussions on having more than one child? If the answer is no to all 3 questions then you do not hand over a penny of YOUR money. It's never appreciated, becomes expected and it will never be enough.
Your step children already benefit from your wage.
This is a risk when you decide to seperate from the parent of your children. You do not get to demand money from your exes wife/partner and not one women with an ounce of self respect would.
I'm assuming dh is looking for something else so I wish him luck.

The kids are actually named beneficiaries of his pension if he dies so they'll be ok if he dies

1000%!

No I can understand you must be getting quite frustrated with some of the responses here! Don’t worry!

This is up to the 2 parents to sort out and finance, not you. Your new kitchen is none of her business, she’s just very grabby.

Thanks that's good of you to be understanding

The most fascinating thing about threads like this is views on child maintenance as a concept.

The prevailing narrative on here is that CM levels are always very low, don’t make any meaningful contribution to the costs of raising a child and any man or spouse of a NRP who says it’s not that low is lying.

Yet the NRP wants to reduce it due to a new child or has to because their circumstances change and the amount now missing is huuuuge. The poor RP is used to relying on the large amount, the children will starve and go barefoot.

Which is it?

Sorry I missed that she was going to go the legal route. OP, let her.
You are covering the costs of your household, there is not a court in the land that will expect you to cover the shortfall in another house. Please trust me there. There will be no forced sale of assets, nothing. By the time it gets to court he will probably have found another job.
The ex will be wasting money she doesn't have to take this to court. That's if she takes on a solicitor. Also worth baring I mind, a solicitor will demand anything their clients ask of them so best to ignore all of that too until you are actually in front of a judge.
I would hope it doesn't get that far.
Edited to add, get some legal advice yourself if this will give you peace of mind.

VERY good point

Every NRP, should pay for their children, of course but not a new wife/husband/partner of the NRP.

The amount is sometimes very low and does not go far enough.

Sometimes things change and the NRP cant for sometime pay what they have paid. The OP is now covering her husband and paying for the kids while they are at their house.

I say this as someone that ex has paid zero for a very long time.

Most comments are batshit and I feel the OP has been very balanced.

If any legislation or legal precedent existed, decreeing that new partners/spouses of people with children from previous relationships were legally required to pay child maintenance or any form of financial support to the ex-spouse/partner for the benefit their children, no sane person would ever get involved with someone with kids from a previous relationship.

Some of the replies on here are batshit.

Can’t believe the OP is being told to give money to his ex (indirectly by way of a loan) whilst her own household income is taking a battering and they have a child to house and support. As for selling their home to release equity to then give away, good grief.

I think there’s a world of difference between helping the children out of your salary ( perhaps ) and using an inheritance. Not in a month of Sundays would I dip into that. Have the children more, but sell the house or spend money left to you? No.

'Do I need to provide for another woman's children' no Op you don't. Anyone who thinks you owe her anything is tapped.

Your husband's ex shouldn't be leaning solely on child maintenance payments to live off and should really have her own job.

Truly, I have now heard it all.

This is absolutely crackers. There are too many unemployed people who think other people owe them a living.

WTF? Not her kids not her prob

OMFG she does not owe that woman shit. DH's ex wife needs to get a job.

OP, anyone here claiming you should lend money to your husband for CM is barmy or probably unemployed and think the world somehow owes them a living.

Text DH's ex this link https://www.mcdonalds.com/careers and block all contact. She is CF on steroids. The joblessness in this thread is astounding.

As if him losing his job isn't stressful enough, she sounds awful and I'm not surprised he left her and started a new family with someone a bit more balanced.

Because your op says He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job.
nothing about using savings or cutting costs finding interim work asap. It does read as if he’s not earning therefore he’s not paying. I suppose any decent parent reads that and thinks but what options has he considered? When I didn’t have a job we were using savings to pay for our children, that’s what you do. And cutting back on everything in our life to use a minimum of savings while still paying for our children. It is really shit that non resident parents just get to go oh well me no pay.

Firstly - you are paying directly for your stepchildren by covering the mortgage / bills /utilities / food etc in full for a home they also reside at.

secondly - I know this is not exactly the point, and this will depend on circs, but if you are married to someone with minor children and child support is paid via an order made during divorce, then a claim can be made on your DH’s estate in the event of his death for what the payments might have been from the age the kids were at his death to the date payments would have stopped under the order. I believe this does not apply if through CMS, but you’d need legal advice. When the step kids were minors we had a separate life insurance policy to cover this. Just a heads up!

Yes, but he should still get a job, any job, so he can contribute in the meantime.

If I don't have a job, I can't pay my bills, simple as that. I do have other money coming in from other means but I don't want to have to rely on that.

Why would I send her that? She has a job

And she left him.

WTH is this thread

Thanks we have that bit covered but good to raise awareness for others