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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Dh being made redundant

349 replies

supertatos · 05/04/2024 19:46

For transparency I've NC as potentially outing if linked to other posts I've made.

DH is being made redundant. He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job. Even then it will likely be a reduced payment for a while due to nature of his current role.

I inherited a largish sum of money and have paid for the refurbishment of the kitchen which we couldn't really hide from the DSC. It was much needed as the existing kitchen was falling apart.

Obviously now the ex is kicking off saying he shouldn't be spending his money on that etc. He's told her it was my money. So yeah..you can guess what's coming..she wants me to pay the maintenance payments instead.

Am I right that my money is nothing to do with it even if it is a large lump sum inheritance or can she take this to court?

OP posts:
Lovelyview · 07/04/2024 22:32

It is advised that people should save 6 months of their household expenses in the event that there is a crisis such as redundancy/illness etc. Obviously, not everyone can do this but it sounds like your husband isn't on the breadline. Does he really have no emergency fund for situations like this? It's not your responsibility by the way.

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/04/2024 22:41

@Youcannotbeseriousreally it was more like if op has say £20k and maintenance is say £300 a month

Purely guess work as I don't know how much child mains is

But the point I'm making is if op has the money and kinda those figures , she said she would loan dh the money

But surely if pays 2/3mths , by which time Hopefully her dh will have a job

Springtime43 · 07/04/2024 23:11

Lovelyview · 07/04/2024 22:32

It is advised that people should save 6 months of their household expenses in the event that there is a crisis such as redundancy/illness etc. Obviously, not everyone can do this but it sounds like your husband isn't on the breadline. Does he really have no emergency fund for situations like this? It's not your responsibility by the way.

I wonder what percentage of households actually have this sort of safety net?

ShakeNvacStevens · 07/04/2024 23:50

Lovelyview · 07/04/2024 22:32

It is advised that people should save 6 months of their household expenses in the event that there is a crisis such as redundancy/illness etc. Obviously, not everyone can do this but it sounds like your husband isn't on the breadline. Does he really have no emergency fund for situations like this? It's not your responsibility by the way.

Surely that should equally apply to DSC’s mother?

SleepyHeadd · 08/04/2024 02:10

Is the Step Parenting forum just the popular hang out spot for all the trolls?
Of course OP shouldn’t have to pay child maintenance! Yes if she wants to and is in a position to then that’s excellent, but his children are not her legal and financial responsibility.

Child maintenance is calculated based on the absent parent’s income, he can’t pay what he’s not earning and the step parent’s money doesn’t come in to the equation.

The ex will just have to manage, the same way as any couple would manage if their partner was made redundant.

MyUnpopularOpinion · 08/04/2024 05:20

Women who are financially reliant on men, such as SAHMs, are given an absolute kicking on here. Unless, apparently you're an ex-wife. in which case it's fine for you to be financially reliant on a man you're no longer even married to.

The ex-wife should never have been in a position where she was relying on maintenance payments.

Nor should she have left herself in a position where she is relying on her ex-husband being in a relationship with someone financially solvent.

Original poster
supertatos · 08/04/2024 05:41

Lovelyview · 07/04/2024 22:32

It is advised that people should save 6 months of their household expenses in the event that there is a crisis such as redundancy/illness etc. Obviously, not everyone can do this but it sounds like your husband isn't on the breadline. Does he really have no emergency fund for situations like this? It's not your responsibility by the way.

I did address this. He has had to buy a new car (it's second hand) this was before he was made redundant but will be required to see his kids and get a job

OP posts:
Original poster
supertatos · 08/04/2024 05:43

Springtime43 · 07/04/2024 23:11

I wonder what percentage of households actually have this sort of safety net?

Show quote history

And yes.. 6 months in this economy with 3 kids is quite hard to build up again once you've used any of it.

OP posts:
PapaIndigoTangoAlpha · 08/04/2024 07:19

I haven't reas the full thread yet but I can just imagine the replies you've received.

No, I wouldn't pay the maintenance. If your husband is looking for a job as quickly as he can and is doing whatever else he can do to help then that's all he can currently do. It's life, it happens and your children don't suddenly become someone else's responsibility because you / your ex loses their job.

There is not a chance in hell I'd hand over a penny of my money to my husbands ex. I have my own DC with my husband who I'd need to support myself in this situation without some magic third person continuing his financial support of them.

stepasidebiatches · 08/04/2024 08:09

The double standards on here are hilarious. People stating them would tie themselves in knots if asked to justify some of the stuff being said 😂

OnceUponARainbow88 · 08/04/2024 08:16

Can your partner offer to have the children 50/50 in the meantime?

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/04/2024 08:35

Blondeshavemorefun · 07/04/2024 22:41

@Youcannotbeseriousreally it was more like if op has say £20k and maintenance is say £300 a month

Purely guess work as I don't know how much child mains is

But the point I'm making is if op has the money and kinda those figures , she said she would loan dh the money

But surely if pays 2/3mths , by which time Hopefully her dh will have a job

You’ve totally missed the point.

even if the OP had a million quid, absolutely not be of it should be used to pay someone else’s bills.

Its like people have forgotten she’ll be paying all her household bills alone, so in my case ( as we don’t know the OPs numbers) I’d be covering almost £5k of outgoings every month to keep my house, but you think I should also be giving £1K to his ex wife too??

batshit crazy some of you. And yeah; I’ve got savings but none of it I would ever be used to pay for someone else’s kids!

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/04/2024 08:36

OnceUponARainbow88 · 08/04/2024 08:16

Can your partner offer to have the children 50/50 in the meantime?

Read the bloody thread!!! OP confirmed several times , the ex moved away so this isn’t doable.

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/04/2024 08:40

supertatos · 08/04/2024 05:43

And yes.. 6 months in this economy with 3 kids is quite hard to build up again once you've used any of it.

Show quote history

Even if you did have it this would be the safety net for your household, not the ex’s. It would be up to her to also have it in place.

Springtime43 · 08/04/2024 08:59

even if the OP had a million quid, absolutely not be of it should be used to pay someone else’s bills.

Its like people have forgotten she’ll be paying all her household bills alone, so in my case ( as we don’t know the OPs numbers) I’d be covering almost £5k of outgoings every month to keep my house, but you think I should also be giving £1K to his ex wife too??

My thoughts entirely. And yes, nearly everyone has forgotten that the redundancy will also impact on the OP's household. Its as though the OP's household doesn't count, ie she's not actually part of this scenario, but yet the ex is willing to take her money - talk about double standards!

KeyboardWhinger · 08/04/2024 09:46

Springtime43 · 07/04/2024 10:49

And has anyone stopped to consider the OP’s household will also take a financial hit due to her DH’s redundancy? Or doesn’t that count? Is it all just about the ex?

Nope. OP can eat exW’s crumbs and pay for the privilege.

PapaIndigoTangoAlpha · 08/04/2024 10:10

I can't believe people are suggesting he sell the house or his car HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That's hilarious. It's not even worth a proper response.

PapaIndigoTangoAlpha · 08/04/2024 10:11

Even the implication that it's simple enough to just sell your house within the next week is funny. It takes months to sell a house, sometimes more 🤣

Instead of selling the home he and OP live in along with his children some of the time, maybe he could just use that time to find a new job?

Absolute plonkers some PPs.

Bananasandtoast · 08/04/2024 10:31

And on any other thread on this board you'll find people insisting quite passionately that the fathers home is also equally the DSC home, whether they ever actually rest their head there or not. Yet here we have it that the younger child's one and only home is merely an asset to liquidate to prevent their father's ex being inconvenienced in any way? Eh?!

Springtime43 · 08/04/2024 10:35

Bananasandtoast · 08/04/2024 10:31

And on any other thread on this board you'll find people insisting quite passionately that the fathers home is also equally the DSC home, whether they ever actually rest their head there or not. Yet here we have it that the younger child's one and only home is merely an asset to liquidate to prevent their father's ex being inconvenienced in any way? Eh?!

Yep - we love a double standard!!!!

MississippiAF · 08/04/2024 10:49

No, you don’t have to pay the maintenance. We were in this situation; I didn’t pay as DSC DM didn’t work. I was not working so she could be at home.

KeyboardWhinger · 08/04/2024 10:57

Bananasandtoast · 08/04/2024 10:31

And on any other thread on this board you'll find people insisting quite passionately that the fathers home is also equally the DSC home, whether they ever actually rest their head there or not. Yet here we have it that the younger child's one and only home is merely an asset to liquidate to prevent their father's ex being inconvenienced in any way? Eh?!

You must deluded?

Second children live off the fumes left in the wake of the first.

Original poster
supertatos · 08/04/2024 12:11

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 08/04/2024 08:36

Read the bloody thread!!! OP confirmed several times , the ex moved away so this isn’t doable.

Show quote history

Thanks :)

OP posts:
averythinline · 08/04/2024 14:23

I assume hes getting a payment as it's redundancy... He should be using that and savings to at least maintain min cms level payments for his dc.... Until he has a new job.. the salary level for any new role
They are still his responsibility...

Springtime43 · 08/04/2024 14:39

averythinline · 08/04/2024 14:23

I assume hes getting a payment as it's redundancy... He should be using that and savings to at least maintain min cms level payments for his dc.... Until he has a new job.. the salary level for any new role
They are still his responsibility...

Surely any redundancy payments will need to help maintain his current household, not just the last one. He has responsibilities in two areas, although posters are quick to forget that