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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Dh being made redundant

349 replies

supertatos · 05/04/2024 19:46

For transparency I've NC as potentially outing if linked to other posts I've made.

DH is being made redundant. He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job. Even then it will likely be a reduced payment for a while due to nature of his current role.

I inherited a largish sum of money and have paid for the refurbishment of the kitchen which we couldn't really hide from the DSC. It was much needed as the existing kitchen was falling apart.

Obviously now the ex is kicking off saying he shouldn't be spending his money on that etc. He's told her it was my money. So yeah..you can guess what's coming..she wants me to pay the maintenance payments instead.

Am I right that my money is nothing to do with it even if it is a large lump sum inheritance or can she take this to court?

OP posts:
Lindy2 · 05/04/2024 19:54

Your money is nothing to do with your DH's ex wife. However, as a father, he should be doing absolutely everything possible regarding his finances, to provide for his children. That would include his savings and also taking any paid work possible, even minimum wage temporary work, while he looks for a longer term position.

Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 19:55

Lindy2 · 05/04/2024 19:54

Your money is nothing to do with your DH's ex wife. However, as a father, he should be doing absolutely everything possible regarding his finances, to provide for his children. That would include his savings and also taking any paid work possible, even minimum wage temporary work, while he looks for a longer term position.

Edited

Why are you assuming he won't be?

OP posts:
AuntieMaggie · 05/04/2024 19:59

I have no idea about the legalities but how do you expect DSC mother to be able to cover the shortfall of providing for their children? She's probably panicking about the situation and I can see her point of view. Personally I would be helping with the shortfall until he had a job sorted.

PhuckyNell · 05/04/2024 20:01

Probably because you didn't say so in your op - drip feeding otherwise

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 05/04/2024 20:02

I get both sides tbh- that’s your money, but you are one household and his household is part financially responsible for hers

Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:03

PhuckyNell · 05/04/2024 20:01

Probably because you didn't say so in your op - drip feeding otherwise

Is that sarcasm sorry? Why would any one assume the default is not to bother looking for another job?

OP posts:
Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:03

AuntieMaggie · 05/04/2024 19:59

I have no idea about the legalities but how do you expect DSC mother to be able to cover the shortfall of providing for their children? She's probably panicking about the situation and I can see her point of view. Personally I would be helping with the shortfall until he had a job sorted.

Same way I'm having to cover them

OP posts:
somptuosité · 05/04/2024 20:03

If I had the money spare I would lend my DH the money so he could continue to support his children.

(BTW I don’t have SC and I have no experience of being a SM).

ComfyBoobs · 05/04/2024 20:05

Is the house yours?

If not, doing everything he can would also include selling the house (ie his interest in it), downsizing and using those liquidated assets to support his children.

Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:06

somptuosité · 05/04/2024 20:03

If I had the money spare I would lend my DH the money so he could continue to support his children.

(BTW I don’t have SC and I have no experience of being a SM).

Edited

Interesting idea thank you At what level? He is unlikely to be able to get a job at the same salary for a bit due to nature of role - if outside his current sector will be a pay cut

OP posts:
mitogoshi · 05/04/2024 20:06

Children don't stop needing things because he lost his job. If he's being made redundant, is he getting a payment?

Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:07

ComfyBoobs · 05/04/2024 20:05

Is the house yours?

If not, doing everything he can would also include selling the house (ie his interest in it), downsizing and using those liquidated assets to support his children.

50/50 between us. We could down size but only if his kids gave up a room and shared. Would be a shame as have just done kitchen but that needed doing before selling anyway

OP posts:
hangxiety · 05/04/2024 20:08

We were in this situation very recently. My DH didn't pay his ex any maintenance when he was paid off. She didn't expect it either, she was lovely about it. He was only out of work for 1 month. Your SC aren't your financial responsibility.

ZombieBoob · 05/04/2024 20:08

🍿

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 05/04/2024 20:09

AuntieMaggie · 05/04/2024 19:59

I have no idea about the legalities but how do you expect DSC mother to be able to cover the shortfall of providing for their children? She's probably panicking about the situation and I can see her point of view. Personally I would be helping with the shortfall until he had a job sorted.

The OP, will be covering the children when they come to the OPs house!

At no point should the OP cover the child maintenance, how would the EX cover the lose of earnings if they were still together.

Floralnomad · 05/04/2024 20:09

somptuosité · 05/04/2024 20:03

If I had the money spare I would lend my DH the money so he could continue to support his children.

(BTW I don’t have SC and I have no experience of being a SM).

Edited

I wouldn’t , the likelihood of getting it back will be next to zero . For all we know the OP may have kids of her own to support . The husband and ex need to sort this out between them .

cansu · 05/04/2024 20:09

It seems odd that you wouldn't lend your husband the money to keep supporting his children tbh.

somptuosité · 05/04/2024 20:09

supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:06

Interesting idea thank you At what level? He is unlikely to be able to get a job at the same salary for a bit due to nature of role - if outside his current sector will be a pay cut

Show quote history

At a rate that was below market value but would appease any resentment.

The crux of the situation is that you have the money spare and the children have needs to be met.

If UC can be claimed by the exW maybe this could make up some of the shortfall.

hangxiety · 05/04/2024 20:10

@TheSpoonyNavyReader EXACTLY

GuinnessBird · 05/04/2024 20:10

The ex can fuck right off.

WoodBurningStov · 05/04/2024 20:11

No I wouldn't be covering the shortfall in Maint payments. There are lots of things your dh could do, he could have the dc more nights, run them to and from school, he could provide any childcare etc. it's not up to you as the step parent to cover maintenance.

Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:11

somptuosité · 05/04/2024 20:09

At a rate that was below market value but would appease any resentment.

The crux of the situation is that you have the money spare and the children have needs to be met.

If UC can be claimed by the exW maybe this could make up some of the shortfall.

Show quote history

Thanks this is helpful - will look into it

OP posts:
EG94 · 05/04/2024 20:13

Hell to the no! His children his financial responsibility. You’re new kitchen is also none of the exs business.

i think you’re doing more than enough supporting your own household whilst husband is out of work that your responsibility and priority. Not the kids.

hubby has a problem which he needs to find a solution for. Your salary isn’t it!

Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:14

hangxiety · 05/04/2024 20:08

We were in this situation very recently. My DH didn't pay his ex any maintenance when he was paid off. She didn't expect it either, she was lovely about it. He was only out of work for 1 month. Your SC aren't your financial responsibility.

Thank you. I'm getting what people are saying though. Perhaps I do need to look at if I can lend DH some. But I can't really justify paying his current payments to her that doesn't feel right.

OP posts:
ButtockUp · 05/04/2024 20:14

These are the pitfalls of blended families.

You partner has commitments. If he can't meet them then his children will suffer.
If you don't want to help either because you don't want to or can't afford it then so be it.

Yes it's down to your partner to facilitate his children's care but this will have to be funded somehow.
These children will be your step children.
If you don't want to be a step mother then end the relationship.

In my opinion, judging by the many threads on here, blended families rarely work.

You choose.