Dh being made redundant

[supertatos]

For transparency I've NC as potentially outing if linked to other posts I've made.

DH is being made redundant. He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job. Even then it will likely be a reduced payment for a while due to nature of his current role.

I inherited a largish sum of money and have paid for the refurbishment of the kitchen which we couldn't really hide from the DSC. It was much needed as the existing kitchen was falling apart.

Obviously now the ex is kicking off saying he shouldn't be spending his money on that etc. He's told her it was my money. So yeah..you can guess what's coming..she wants me to pay the maintenance payments instead.

Am I right that my money is nothing to do with it even if it is a large lump sum inheritance or can she take this to court?

My husband isn't CHOOSING to have no job. He can't apply for benefits for the children because the ex is applying for them. It's no different to if I now (heaven forbid) lose my job then we'll both be up shits creek with a little one to support and living off my savings

Yes... and he is responsible. He's trying to find a job. Jeez

Because the stepparenting board is haunted by embittered ex-wives, and they seem to be out in force today.

I wouldn’t expect that at all from my exs new wife. My kids are not her responsibility. If he has been made redundant, it’s not his fault as long as he is diligent about looking for work. Same as if the mother was made redundant, they will just need to manage

Doesn’t seem odd to me….I wouldn’t do it….no way

@MooseBeTimeForSnow fair enough it should be reasonable but I can't be alone in having read on MN (and come across in real life) some absolute horror stories of how little nonresident parents are ordered to pay - if the resident parent couldn't keep a child on a similar amount it's a joke

I see. Bit insulting to the ex tbh. She's done alright for herself as far as I can tell.

I’d do this too. If she goes to a solicitors (I used to work for them) they’d only charge her/you for work done.

I can’t understand why as a PP’s ex wife did she’s not being reasonable but is being vindictive.

If the were still together, and he was made redundant, then she would have that drop in income, so I always find it a tad disingenuous to say how will she cope it's not fair- she would have had to cope if they were still together, and will have to cope when they are not. He needs to allocate some of his redundancy to costs for the kids, and he can offer to pick up the slack, increase his days if he's not working to help financially. You are not obliged to continue to fund his ex wife, absolutely not. But he is obliged to find what he can, as soon as possible, in order to help with costs for the kids

The thing is, you have no idea what she spends her money on unless she tells her DC. She may spend lavishly, she may be in debt, she may think she’s entitled to a certain standard of living as she’s divorced, she may even live frugally or just live a fairly normal life with normal payments. And her missing out on maintenance payments will just fuel her anger.

His kids, his responsibilities. If they were still together what would the ex have done? It’s not the op’s responsibility. The father should be, and I am sure is, doing all he can to sort this.

I agree with this and it sounds more than fair.

@supertatos

No one's saying he is choosing not to work but lots have said he should be very flexible to ensure he can meet his moral and legal responsibilities to all his children.

Why would he be even considering applying for benefits in relation to his non-resident children? It would be a bit of a joke to cut maintenance but claim benefits for the children he's not primarily supporting in any case.

Thanks for outing my real identity 🙄😂

Legally it's not your responsibility and she can't claim money from you.

I think you need to pick up the slack in your own household whilst he finds a job and if you have the means to do it then also help with any big expenses eg coats, school trip etc but you are not obligated.

Although I do also think with the statutory redundancy she should get a percentage of it. So for example if he was given a package that was 3 months salary then he should give her 12% as that's what child maintenance for one child should be. It's not a legal requirement though.

Don’t be ridiculous. The main resident parent will get uc if they can’t meet the child’s needs. Any maintenance will be extra.

how on earth do you propose people pay maintenance from non existent income? I’m a single mum but some people on this thread are incredibly entitled.

Why is he stopping does he have no savings and lives hand to mouth ? Is he not getting a pay off?

He's not going to. I'm saying she has avenues and safetynets such as benefits though they are a bit shit.

I don't know why so many posters are saying things like "he should be very flexible to ensure he can meet his moral and legal responsibilities to all his children". It's like people are assuming he's just going to sit on his arse and let her get on with it. He is doing is UTMOST to find a job. He is a proud man and devastated that he doesn't have anything lined up. He works so so hard for each and every interview and each time someone else is the preferred candidate. He's running out of options in his current field of employment and is looking outside. We have a few months. Just because you might know men who don't want to provide for their children doesn't mean my husband is one of them. He's not. He's been in tears.

This!

I mean I was going to say 😂

They are sensible kids they'll get it if it's explained. But yes teens cost money!

@Annettekurtin UC is hardly a decent replacement. When did maintenance from the non-resident parent start being considered as an extra? And why is there no moral judgement on the nonresident parents who do not pay for their own children

Yes but with the current job market the way it is and the fact there’s a recession on he might find it harder than usual to get another job. Hopefully this won’t be the case but you do have to factor that possibility in. What’s his ex wife and children going to live in meantime? Hot air?

Oh there is. Plenty of it on this thread alone

Lots of resident parents don’t work or earn much either. Their income for benefits is assessed without taking maintenance into account. I’m a single mum - my ex’s maintenance would never support my household but nor do I expect it to.

I don't need you to tell me that. I'm witnessing that.

They will live off her salary and benefits like we will be living off my salary