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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Dh being made redundant

349 replies

supertatos · 05/04/2024 19:46

For transparency I've NC as potentially outing if linked to other posts I've made.

DH is being made redundant. He's told the ex of the current date his maintenence payments will currently stop unless he finds a job. Even then it will likely be a reduced payment for a while due to nature of his current role.

I inherited a largish sum of money and have paid for the refurbishment of the kitchen which we couldn't really hide from the DSC. It was much needed as the existing kitchen was falling apart.

Obviously now the ex is kicking off saying he shouldn't be spending his money on that etc. He's told her it was my money. So yeah..you can guess what's coming..she wants me to pay the maintenance payments instead.

Am I right that my money is nothing to do with it even if it is a large lump sum inheritance or can she take this to court?

OP posts:
Runnerduck34 · 05/04/2024 20:27

It sounds very stressful for everyone involved.
Is it feasible for DH to have the DC 50/50 or do all school pick ups etc to reduce child care expenses?
Unless he can go 50/50 I think he still needs to contribute to his DC- does he have a redundancy payment he could use to pay maintenance? Ultimately they are his DC and need to be fed, clothed and housed.
I'm not sure on legalities of your income being considered for maintenance payments- you are married so I would assume it was all joint money/ assets.
Ultimately you married a man who already had children that he needs to both financially and emotionally support .
I hope he finds work soon.

EG94 · 05/04/2024 20:27

supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:24

Thank you. I'm hoping we can find something that works without it getting legal

Show quote history

If the inconvenience of her ex loosing his job which is inconvenient for all and not intentional, means she can’t get by without his money I’d be amazed if she rustled up a few hundred to take you to court. Don’t stress it

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 05/04/2024 20:27

My ex, the father to my children, has left work because he has become ill, through drinking and smoking so much, he now cant walk.

Do I expect his wife to pay the kids maintenance NO because the kids are not hers to provide for......

beAsensible1 · 05/04/2024 20:28

I think he should offer to help more with pick up and drop offs.

Or keeping the kids more nights or for teas etc.
if they were together he would pick up the slack with childcare and household until back at work. He obviously can’t do house stuff but deffo can childcare.

Ponderingwindow · 05/04/2024 20:29

Why is he stopping maintenance just because he lost his job? It should be a priority bill. He uses any savings and benefits he gets to cover his essential bills while he looks for work. If he has to, he reduces maintenance, but why should it go to zero?

but no, you don’t need to pay his bills unless he decides to be a stay at home partner. At that point you would be taking in his responsibilities.

Babymamamama · 05/04/2024 20:30

Even if people are on benefits they still have to pay a nominal amount afaik at least in the UK OP. How is he going to reduce his child maintenance to zero? You can’t make child support contingent on finding a job.

hangxiety · 05/04/2024 20:31

Some of these comments are absolutely fucking ridiculous. why should the OP pay? They aren't her kids & she has to cover the loss of earnings from her own household! It's hard enough she will have to cover all their bills alone. As someone else pointed out what would she do if they were still together? Would he pull the money out of his arse??

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2024 20:32

Usual crop of stupid arse relies. The kids have two parents, you're not either of them, you’re not on the hook for a penny. You’ll be paying for the costs of them when they’re under your roof anyway!

There is no ambiguity about the legality. No court in the land can force you to give this woman your money. People just make things up, no idea why.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2024 20:33

Babymamamama · 05/04/2024 20:30

Even if people are on benefits they still have to pay a nominal amount afaik at least in the UK OP. How is he going to reduce his child maintenance to zero? You can’t make child support contingent on finding a job.

Of course you can. Don’t be daft.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 05/04/2024 20:35

if you are married whatever you inherited legally is also your husbands so i can kind of see her point of view

Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:35

Runnerduck34 · 05/04/2024 20:27

It sounds very stressful for everyone involved.
Is it feasible for DH to have the DC 50/50 or do all school pick ups etc to reduce child care expenses?
Unless he can go 50/50 I think he still needs to contribute to his DC- does he have a redundancy payment he could use to pay maintenance? Ultimately they are his DC and need to be fed, clothed and housed.
I'm not sure on legalities of your income being considered for maintenance payments- you are married so I would assume it was all joint money/ assets.
Ultimately you married a man who already had children that he needs to both financially and emotionally support .
I hope he finds work soon.

Pick ups - not possible.
50/50 - not possible.
Redundancy payment - yes statutory won't last long.
Ultimately- yes we know his kids need to be fed clothed and housed and I know he already had children that he needs to support... I do know that. He does know that. He is looking for jobs but stressed out about it all and struggling to get anything. He's looking in sector and just started looking outside sector which is when he realised his salary will most likely drop.

OP posts:
Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:37

EG94 · 05/04/2024 20:27

If the inconvenience of her ex loosing his job which is inconvenient for all and not intentional, means she can’t get by without his money I’d be amazed if she rustled up a few hundred to take you to court. Don’t stress it

Show quote history

Thank you. I think but obviously do not know that she won't struggle. Her and the kids lifestyle may take a small hit

OP posts:
BeretInParis · 05/04/2024 20:37

There are so many assumptions here. @supertatos can you clarify please? What percentage care does your DH have? Will the former wife struggle financially without his payments? How long would she be able to juggle for before zero payments from him cause real issues? How much will future earnings and hence payments decrease by? What functional help can your soon to be unemployed DH offer to be helpful to his kids / ex?

D3LAN3Y · 05/04/2024 20:38

CMS on universal credit is £7 per week here for two children. That's £3.50 each. Not exactly enough to raise kids on. 🙄
Use the CMS calculator on the government website and adjust as necessary until your DH is back into work. Help out with extra necessities when you can.
Hopefully your DH will find work soon. She cannot touch your money. It's yours.

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 05/04/2024 20:39

hangingonfordearlife1 · 05/04/2024 20:35

if you are married whatever you inherited legally is also your husbands so i can kind of see her point of view

Please tell me where an everything that you inherit is used as child maintenance is used in calculations.

Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:39

Babymamamama · 05/04/2024 20:30

Even if people are on benefits they still have to pay a nominal amount afaik at least in the UK OP. How is he going to reduce his child maintenance to zero? You can’t make child support contingent on finding a job.

Ok fine they won't go to zero they'll be shit all though won't they. What is it £7?? They agreed to base it on CMS. He isn't going to have an income other than benefits. Will they even give him benefits I don't know? Presumably not as I've got savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:40

beAsensible1 · 05/04/2024 20:28

I think he should offer to help more with pick up and drop offs.

Or keeping the kids more nights or for teas etc.
if they were together he would pick up the slack with childcare and household until back at work. He obviously can’t do house stuff but deffo can childcare.

I have already said that is not going to work due to location. She would laugh at that offer.

OP posts:
Youcannotbeseriousreally · 05/04/2024 20:40

You have no legal responsibility and I absolutely would not be financing my step kids or their mother’s household. I would imagine it’s also going to be a strain on your household and that’s the one that is your priority.

it the ex wants more money she can go out and earn more, I’m sure your DH is going to actively seek work - it’s not like he’s done it on purpose!

absolutely not your problem to solve.

Sooooootired01 · 05/04/2024 20:41

Is the ex working, OP?

Original poster
supertatos · 05/04/2024 20:41

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/04/2024 20:32

Usual crop of stupid arse relies. The kids have two parents, you're not either of them, you’re not on the hook for a penny. You’ll be paying for the costs of them when they’re under your roof anyway!

There is no ambiguity about the legality. No court in the land can force you to give this woman your money. People just make things up, no idea why.

Thank you! This is what I was trying to find out. There was something about how you can go to court and ask them to take things into consideration and I was wondering if legally that could happen to us.

OP posts:
hangingonfordearlife1 · 05/04/2024 20:43

@TheSpoonyNavyReader honestly i haven't a clue have never had any dealings with them- i was just saying from ex's point of view this is probably what she is thinking.

Sooooootired01 · 05/04/2024 20:44

@supertatos Not your kids, so absolutely you do not have to pay maintenance.

TheSpoonyNavyReader · 05/04/2024 20:50

hangingonfordearlife1 · 05/04/2024 20:43

@TheSpoonyNavyReader honestly i haven't a clue have never had any dealings with them- i was just saying from ex's point of view this is probably what she is thinking.

Most women, would understand that if the child's father is not working then his wife is not going to pay for his kids. I say this as a Mum with an ex not paying anything for his children.

What would the ex wife do, if they were still together.

Some of the answers are batshit crazy on here, a SM should not parent or make any decisions but put the step kids first, above her and her own children if she has any.

midnights0 · 05/04/2024 20:54

I'm a stepmother with 2 teen stepkids and if my DH was in this situation I would not pay the maintenance. It would be up to him to sort that out. It's not your problem

newyearnewknees · 05/04/2024 20:57

OP is already subsidising the shortfall in her household, why would she subsidise both households? The EXW is hardly going to offer to lend OP some money given that OPs partner is now out of work.