Hang on..I'm a mother too.

[waterlellon]

Sorry it's a mothers day one.

So DH asked repeatedly if the DSC wanted to spend mothers day with their mum. Their mum didn't mind and said no stick to usual pattern.

Now all of a sudden DH has to take them back on mothers day so they can see her for lunch.

Fine whatever. However I am also a mother to his children and now I'm spending it with LO on my own until he gets back later in the afternoon.

I'm just ranting. I knew he had kids. I chose this.

[Ibouncetothebeat]

It’s only lunch maybe he will make a fuss of you in the morning and for dinner. I’m all about communication, tell him how you feel.

[Illpickthatup]

Could he drop them off earlier in the morning so he has the rest of the day to spend with you and your DC? Does their mother live far?

[quietnightmare]

Do you all fit in the car? Could you all go on the journey back then stop off somewhere for lunch yourselves ?

And yes he does have children and you did chose this but that doesn't mean you aren't as equally important to have a lovely Mother's Day just like your step children's mother.

[Meadowfinch]

So ask for a lovely breakfast in bed - or just a lie in - and for him & your dcs to cook supper.

[hmrcwhatnow]

It's Mother's Day and you're spending it with your child.

[Loubelle70]

I agree with another post...do something in the morning...or evening before if you have them overnight.
Biological mum has every right to change her mind. Shes their mum.
You're step mum and its lovely that you are all in.. spending the morning with them is enough...have a nice time
.

[Allthingsdecember]

I don't think this is a 'you chose a man with children' situation.

He offered multiple times to swap contact days with his ex. Unless the children are really upset, there's no reason to take them to visit their mum (and she'd have to be pretty awful not to change contact days if they really want to spend it with her).

You're a mother too and deserve for your partner to make a fuss of you.

[waterlellon]

@quietnightmare

Do you all fit in the car? Could you all go on the journey back then stop off somewhere for lunch yourselves ?

And yes he does have children and you did chose this but that doesn't mean you aren't as equally important to have a lovely Mother's Day just like your step children's mother.

That sounds like hell it's a 3.5-4 hour round trip

[waterlellon]

@hmrcwhatnow

It's Mother's Day and you're spending it with your child.

Ok good point. On father's day I'll fuck off for 4 hours and leave him with our child

[CactusUmbrella]

But you'll be spending the day with your DC? Isn't that the important bit of mother's day?

[Codlingmoths]

I think it’s perfectly acceptable to say I know you tried to plan for this in advance, and ex has screwed it up by changing her mind, but I’m a mother too and next year I’d like you to prioritise that over your ex being a mum. It’s ok to say I offered that, you said no, and we now have plans.

[waterlellon]

It's like he hasn't thought. Hang on..mothers day lunch maybe I should be sorting something for waterlellon I best check first. No. She's said jump and he's said how high

[waterlellon]

@Codlingmoths

I think it’s perfectly acceptable to say I know you tried to plan for this in advance, and ex has screwed it up by changing her mind, but I’m a mother too and next year I’d like you to prioritise that over your ex being a mum. It’s ok to say I offered that, you said no, and we now have plans.

I think next year he should say no it screwed up plans for waterlellon last year so from now on they spend mothers day with you as per the agreement they set out when they split up 10 years ago

[waterlellon]

@CactusUmbrella

But you'll be spending the day with your DC? Isn't that the important bit of mother's day?

I spend most weekend days with my DC

[quietnightmare]

3.5-4 hour trip okay that's shit then. Tell you DH that this year you all will be celebrating Mother's Day on Saturday instead and for him not to forget breakfast in bed on Sunday morning and the. While he's out dropping his children off you will be going ..... shopping?swimming? Spa day? Etc.

That way you make a weekend of it. Sounds bliss to me to be honest

[Justbecause19]

Could DH to take them back to their mother on Saturday evening? If it's a 4hour round trip that's a big chunk of your day. It's unreasonable for him to be ferrying them about to facilitate and leaving you on your own. In future your DH should insist the children spend Mother's Day there so he can make plans with you. I've always made sure when my DSC were younger that we drop them back for events like Mother's Day or her Birthday, because it was another way we could be fucked about with last minute requests/changes.

[waterlellon]

@Justbecause19

Could DH to take them back to their mother on Saturday evening? If it's a 4hour round trip that's a big chunk of your day. It's unreasonable for him to be ferrying them about to facilitate and leaving you on your own. In future your DH should insist the children spend Mother's Day there so he can make plans with you. I've always made sure when my DSC were younger that we drop them back for events like Mother's Day or her Birthday, because it was another way we could be fucked about with last minute requests/changes.

No their mum is going out Saturday evening

[waterlellon]

@Justbecause19

Could DH to take them back to their mother on Saturday evening? If it's a 4hour round trip that's a big chunk of your day. It's unreasonable for him to be ferrying them about to facilitate and leaving you on your own. In future your DH should insist the children spend Mother's Day there so he can make plans with you. I've always made sure when my DSC were younger that we drop them back for events like Mother's Day or her Birthday, because it was another way we could be fucked about with last minute requests/changes.

But yeah all the other years that's what's happened. He should have insisted

[waterlellon]

@quietnightmare

3.5-4 hour trip okay that's shit then. Tell you DH that this year you all will be celebrating Mother's Day on Saturday instead and for him not to forget breakfast in bed on Sunday morning and the. While he's out dropping his children off you will be going ..... shopping?swimming? Spa day? Etc.

That way you make a weekend of it. Sounds bliss to me to be honest

Not subjecting my child to that car journey for no reason

[waterlellon]

@Allthingsdecember

I don't think this is a 'you chose a man with children' situation.

He offered multiple times to swap contact days with his ex. Unless the children are really upset, there's no reason to take them to visit their mum (and she'd have to be pretty awful not to change contact days if they really want to spend it with her).

You're a mother too and deserve for your partner to make a fuss of you.

I did think this but I'll then risk having mothers day dinner with a grumpy teen who doesn't want to be there

[THEMOSTREAL]

You are spending it with your child and your partners ex gets to spend it with theirs. I don’t see the issue here?

[waterlellon]

@Loubelle70

I agree with another post...do something in the morning...or evening before if you have them overnight.
Biological mum has every right to change her mind. Shes their mum.
You're step mum and its lovely that you are all in.. spending the morning with them is enough...have a nice time
.

Biological mum? She's not the biological mum of my child.

[Teeheehee1579]

I would feel exactly the same as you OP - it’s Mother’s Day so I actually want a day off not to be doing the daily drudge of looking after a 3 year old. Yes I want to see them, no I do not want to doing the full on child care. Different perhaps if LO was a teen and we might go and have a day shopping together, sightseeing whatever. Exactly the same as on Father’s Day I expect to be doing the child care so he can have a day off.

[waterlellon]

@THEMOSTREAL

You are spending it with your child and your partners ex gets to spend it with theirs. I don’t see the issue here?

The issue is: her kids have to be with her for lunch. My husband can't be in two places at once and has at no point thought "hang on what if waterlellon wanted a nice lunch"

[waterlellon]

@Teeheehee1579

I would feel exactly the same as you OP - it’s Mother’s Day so I actually want a day off not to be doing the daily drudge of looking after a 3 year old. Yes I want to see them, no I do not want to doing the full on child care. Different perhaps if LO was a teen and we might go and have a day shopping together, sightseeing whatever. Exactly the same as on Father’s Day I expect to be doing the child care so he can have a day off.

THANK YOU YES!

for fathers day I'm going to book a spa day and leave him with LO and say "but your spending it with your child"....