Hang on..I'm a mother too.

[waterlellon]

Sorry it's a mothers day one.

So DH asked repeatedly if the DSC wanted to spend mothers day with their mum. Their mum didn't mind and said no stick to usual pattern.

Now all of a sudden DH has to take them back on mothers day so they can see her for lunch.

Fine whatever. However I am also a mother to his children and now I'm spending it with LO on my own until he gets back later in the afternoon.

I'm just ranting. I knew he had kids. I chose this.

Since he's hours away from their mum, how long would he go between contact if they switched weekends?
Just have Saturday for you.

Can't switch. She's got plans for Saturday

My DH would have loved that when DC were small, as would I. I day of 121 time with your child sounds lovely to me.

Actually most countries I'm aware of partners making a fuss is pretty much the entire point of Mothers Day. For one day in the year for somebody else to take on the drudgery.

I would tell him he needs to leave in the early morning and be back for 1pm, if he's taking them back that day anyway then he can drop them and take you for lunch.

Or if you want the lie in then he needs to wait until 11am to leave, back at 3pm then he can take you for early dinner. But i would offer the options best for you and he has to make it work.

Fwiw my DH has NO idea what day it is on sunday 🤣

I have plenty of 121 time with my child thanks

Well that was my point. You shouldn't be switching anything.
Just have Saturday to be all about you. You'll live.

Wow. People are really going out of their way to minimise how you feel, aren’t they!?

Your feelings are, of course, valid. I don’t understand why posters are bringing in your mum, or MIL, or 121 time with your child. It’s not about them, it’s about you, and your partner showing you he recognises your value and appreciates you. 121 time is great but being left on your own with small children on mother’s day isn’t celebration, it’s what’s we do everyday except no partner to help with the drudgery.

He should have considered you on Mother’s Day. It’s relationship basics. Sorry, OP x

I know I'll live. I know it's not the end of the world. All I am saying is it would have been NICE if he'd thought HANG ON A MINUTE. Mother's day. I think I live with a mother - id best check plans

I know you're going to bite my head off for this, but your child is going to pick up on the disharmony between their parents. It would be better if you could find a better way to manage your blended family without all the angst.

My child isn't on mumsnet

Why have the plans changed so close to the date? That’s the issue. Was it his ex or the kids that wanted the plan to change? If it’s the ex, she really should be picking them up.

Everyone needs to understand that it’s unfair to change plans after they’ve been made unless it’s an emergency. I’d have been suspicious that this change of plan last minute was going to happen and insisted she had them Mother’s Day weekend. As you say, you’ll know for future years.

Your husband needs to get better at pleasing both his children’s mums or putting his foot down on last minute changes where plans had been thoroughly discussed. If he doesn’t, he’ll have another ex wife because this shit causes huge resentment over time. He needs to be very apologetic to you and make the day special before and after as it is important to you. And make it clear that he is to ensure that this never happens again.

You don't have plans though?

My point was, you think this is a punishment for DH. My DH wouldn't see it like that at all.

Can't he just take the kids home on Saturday night

No she's out

Thank you. Your situation may not be the same but I think all mums deserve some recognition by their kids and their partners. Because let's face it, whether bio, step or adopted, a lot of dad's would struggle to hold down a full time job, go to their hobbies etc etc without the help of their partner. So while we're not their mother's we absolutely make their life easier by being such good ones.

The same on Father's Day. It's nice to show him I see how fantastic a dad he is, how hard he works to give us the best life, the role model he is for his kids. I would struggle without his support and everything he does for the family.

I think particularly when kids are younger mother's day and father's day is more about your partner showing their appreciation.

I think an issue here is that your OH hasn’t actually considered what YOU would like to do with your day. It sounds like he’s centered the day around DSC’s mum and she isn’t even that bothered. So he could just as easily taken you all for lunch or done something you wanted with no detriment to the DSC’s Mum. ATM he sounds like you haven’t even factored into his day plans. Not cool.

I would say, quite bluntly, “have you forgotten it’s also Mother’s Day for me and you’ve not asked what I’d like to do.”

I think he’ll recoil and realise he’s taken you for granted on this occasion.

IME Dads don’t have to do the thinking for their partners and joint kids, so they default to leaving them to it. Whereas they actually think logistics with their other kids.

Not really, I think mother's day you should get a break. I'd probably like a few hours alone and for someone else to do the dishes for once

And not likely to now! it would have been nice if he considered she might want to do something, or if he’d even thought of it himself, what with her being his partner and the mother of his child.

Exactly

Nail on the head

Thanks everyone. I feel seen and understood which I guess is what I was hoping for when I posted.

I’m sure OP doesn’t either. and maybe there were no firm plans. But what definitely wasn’t in the plan was a huge chunk of the day being spent on her own with her toddler, whilst he facilitated his other kids seeing their mum, when that had already been discussed and said wasn’t happening.

I imagine OP thought her day would be a relaxing one with her child, step kids and husband. A meal together or whatever.

It's not really that simple is is. How have previous mothers days been spent? Has OP actually communicated that it's important to her? Is there any reason to think the entire rest of the day won't be about her? What do the children want to do? If it was that important why hasn't it been discussed before now...