Why is he so keen to marry me if he doesn’t like my children and/or my parenting?
Please read this message from him today:
You’re a good mum. I’ve always said that. This is not questionable.
xxxx is 11 and plays up. That’s normal and to be expected.
Me calling out bad behaviour shouldn’t be seen as an attack on you.
I’m not going to call his bad behaviour good. That won’t do him any favours and will make our lives harder as the years go on.
I’ll never want to yield the stick, I want to offer the carrot but I’m not going to give carrots out when he’s misbehaving. This isn’t foreign to me despite you saying I’m unqualified in not so fewer words. My dad never told me off he left it to mum, and he wasn’t around much.
The important thing is we are a united front. If he thinks he can get in between us for his advantage, he probably will. Common kiddy tactics.
I suggested being consistent as everyone appreciates this. It’s a good framework as it provides boundaries, that will be tested but hopefully only occasionally. You mentioned being more lenient than I am, maybe true. But I don’t think lenient means turning a blind eye and ignoring a direct instruction.
You credit his bad behaviour to your perceived shortcomings. This is wrong and damaging to you.
I don’t feel he respects me but hopefully he will but I need to do it my way. It’s a long game as anything genuine won’t happen overnight.
I don’t feel I can point out the most blatant, unquestionably bad behaviour without you taking offence. If I’m unable to do this it will just continue unchallenged if you don’t happen to see it. He’ll learn that he can do whatever he likes in front of me as long as you’re not there as I won’t say anything. I’m sure you don’t want this. If I’m here to support you, there needs to be a clear and unprejudiced line of communication.
I’m not telling you how. or criticising your parenting. I was trying to offer you support.