SD doesn’t want to go on holiday…Do we still go?

[Pickle1411]

Hi All

long Time lurker, first time poster!

been with my partner for 4 years. He has a 12 year old daughter. She’s a good kid, has her moments like any other 12 year old but on the whole a very pleasant and likeable child.

we’ve been talking about taking her abroad next year (she’s never been abroad), and up until now our holidays with her have been in the UK however these are turning out to be more expensive than a week in Spain/Greece might be. Her dad spoke to her about planning something like this for next year and she has flat out refused/said she doesn’t want to go. No reasons given other than “I don’t want to”.

her dad is obviously a bit put out by this but understands that if she doesn’t want to go then he can’t/won’t force her.

the issue/dilemma we now have is should we feel bad for going away on holidays abroad if she won’t go? Her mum has been very high conflict in the past and whenever we have taken her somewhere or done something nice with her she’s been quite spiteful to her daughter about her dad and makes her feel bad for enjoying herself. I wonder if this is putting SD off of the idea.

the reality is, if SD doesn’t want to come on holiday then we will have budget to go abroad but we don’t want her to feel left out. We still plan on having a UK break with her.

it just feels odd, I know that when I was 12 if I was offered a holiday abroad I’d have jumped at the chance. Has anyone else experienced this before?

Sorry, just seen he's already got PR. Not a lot you can do then, but seems unfair!

Op, just tell her when you're planning to book and you'll ask again nearer the time to see if she's changed her mind. If she hasn't, then book the holiday and go, simple

Because that's what good step parents do?

No it isn’t! My SC didn’t always come abroad with us but I didn’t feel anything about it, I didn’t care either way as it was their choice

Absolutely! When I was that age, I wouldn't get a choice either. Step children are frequently given too much power.

I'm not a panderer but the refusal seems quite unusual (although OP will know if it's more typical for SD obviously). But most 12 year olds who wouldn't otherwise have the chance to go abroad would leap at it. So I'd be inclined to gently try and probe what the issue is in case it can be allayed. Fear of mum? Fear of plane? Worried about sleeping arrangements/privacy? Period worries/swimming? I made myself sick with all sorts of bizarre worries age 12 or so! Give her a couple of weeks at least. If she just doesn't want to go then leave it. It's not as simple as "this is what's happening" when it's a blended family.

At the end of the day though that's one of the benefits of having split parents, you can stay with the other one.

Same!