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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Honeymoon & DSD

315 replies

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 17:39

Myself and my partner will be getting married next year finally.

We have two children together.

DSD will be attending the wedding as will our kids.

However, I would like to go on our honeymoon with no children if possible but we may have to take our two joint children if my mother can’t have them.

My partner has mentioned bringing dsd if we have to take our kids but I really don’t want too. I’d like to take the least amount of kids possible really.

Has anyone else took their kids but not step kids on their honeymoon?

OP posts:
Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 18:05

Have your honeymoon when you have childcare or take all three. As pp said, if you had an older child and two joint children, would you leave the older one with dad so you can take 'least amount of kids as possible"? I dread to think what other treats DSD has had to miss out on over the past years with that kind of attitude. You should neber have gotten with a man who had kids if you weren't capable of treating them all equally.. and I think I might dislike your DP a little less than I like you if he agrees to this. YaBU

berksandbeyond · 05/06/2023 18:07

You’ve been in her life since she was less than 3 years old and this is how you feel about her? Poor kid

lunar1 · 05/06/2023 18:09

I really try to see the best in people, but it's like 'how to exclude my husband's child' bingo on here at the minute.

Yes you can do it, of course it's a really shitty thing to do to a child. I hope your future husband protects his daughter from such wicked behaviour.

Either take them all, or go when your mum can have your dc and your dh can arrange suitable childcare for his time with his Dd.

SemperIdem · 05/06/2023 18:16

Generally speaking I don’t think there is anything wrong with not taking step children on every single holiday.

However this does seem exclusionary purely because it’s a “family together” honeymoon.

Honestly I’d rearrange it so you can have the honeymoon you actually want, no children involved at all.

Original poster
MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 18:18

tommyshelbysbunnit · 05/06/2023 17:53

You want your DH to leave one of his children at home, would you do that?

I’d leave mine with my mum if I could, yes.

OP posts:
Original poster
MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 18:19

We can’t rearrange the time we go without waiting another year due to both our work schedules unfortunately

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 05/06/2023 18:22

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 18:19

We can’t rearrange the time we go without waiting another year due to both our work schedules unfortunately

I'd probably just do that then - make it an anniversary trip.

tommyshelbysbunnit · 05/06/2023 18:22

That's leaving both, I asked if you would leave one out?

Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 18:22

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 18:18

I’d leave mine with my mum if I could, yes.

Show quote history

But that's not the problem or the question is it? it's all fine and well leaving all children at home with suitable childcare to go on honeymoon. It's about the exclusion of one, isn't it? The one who is not biologically yours.
A couple of people have asked if you'd exclude one of your own children if they weren't biologically your DP's but take your joint children so you can take bare minimum amount of children?
What does DP think about not taking DSD?

LBFseBrom · 05/06/2023 18:23

WheelsUp · 05/06/2023 17:46

I would rearrange the honeymoon for when your mum can have your kids so it can be child free.

I agree with that.

Or else take them all, regardless of it being your honeymoon, it will be a fine holiday for them and would be unfair to exclude one. You will have opportunities to go away without children in the future.

Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 18:24

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 18:19

We can’t rearrange the time we go without waiting another year due to both our work schedules unfortunately

Why not do a weekend away just you and DH for honeymoon as it would be easier to get childca4e and then do a big holiday when you can all make it?

Glitterbiscuits · 05/06/2023 18:26

This is why Stepmothers get a bad name.

I hope your husband sticks up for his eldest

Makemyday99 · 05/06/2023 18:27

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 18:19

We can’t rearrange the time we go without waiting another year due to both our work schedules unfortunately

We went on many holidays with our joint children and not sc over the years, they weren’t in slightest bit concerned, they are now adult & have told us this as they went away with their mum so never felt left out. I wouldn’t worry too much about it if you don’t take her she won’t be scarred for life or develop mh problems because of it despite what some people will imply.

MrsDrDear · 05/06/2023 18:29

Take all or none. They will see it as a special holiday and will always remember being left out.

Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 18:29

@Makemyday99 same age gap as OP? As little as 3 years?

Darkandstormynite · 05/06/2023 18:29

Sorry, but I'd think your DP is a pretty shit dad if he's willing to go along with this. He is effectively excluding one of his children, which is going to hurt her deep down. She's 15, that is an age where things like this have a deep, long lasting impact on relationships. You'll effectively be telling her loud and clear that she's not considered part of the family just an extended family member.

Do you really want this to be the Hill to die on OP?

Wait a year and stop making excuses to try to push it through now.

occa · 05/06/2023 18:29

Honestly if I was in your fiancé's position and my fiancée suggested this I'd be rethinking the marriage.

Original poster
MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 18:31

Gingergirl70 · 05/06/2023 18:24

Why not do a weekend away just you and DH for honeymoon as it would be easier to get childca4e and then do a big holiday when you can all make it?

Show quote history

Being totally honest I don’t want to do a weekend away for my honeymoon.

OP posts:
ThinkOfLove · 05/06/2023 18:31

I think it’s take all or take none.

Would you leave just one of your children at home? That’s the situation for your husband. He has 3 and you want him to only take 2. Glad you’re husband wants to take them all.

Grumpyfroghats · 05/06/2023 18:34

I would just do a weekend honeymoon and do a childfree holiday some other time.

I know it's not ideal but when you have kids before you get married, that's kinda a natural consequence

lunar1 · 05/06/2023 18:34

What your hoping to do to a child isn't justifiable in any way. Your husband should really consider if marrying you is in the best interests of all his children.

ThinkOfLove · 05/06/2023 18:35

Just to check, would your step child want to go if she got the chance? Some kids prefer not to go on holiday with parents at that age which may solve the issue.

PrimrosesandPears · 05/06/2023 18:35

If my fiancé suggested taking joint children and leaving my sole child at home there wouldn’t be a honeymoon as there wouldn’t be a wedding. Strongly agree with the majority - all or none need to come with you.

mummyh2016 · 05/06/2023 18:35

Another vote for all or none.
What would happen if you had childcare for your kids but not DSD? Would you be taking DSD and leaving yours behind?

dammit88 · 05/06/2023 18:35

This is a wind up surely?