Page 12 | Honeymoon & DSD

MinionsHooray · 2023-06-05T16:39:07+00:00

Myself and my partner will be getting married next year finally. We have two children together. DSD will be attending the wedding as will our kids. However, I would like to go on our honeymoon with no children if possible but we may have to take our two joint children if my mother can’t have them. My partner has mentioned bringing dsd if we have to take our kids but I really don’t want too. I’d like to take the least amount of kids possible really. Has anyone else took their kids but not step kids on their honeymoon?

Louoby · 06/06/2023 10:41

I would arrange a honeymoon for when you can go childfree. even if this means a short weekend away. Plan a big holiday to take all the children and call it a family moon!
My DP wouldn't go on a family holiday with our two children and not take his especially abroad!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/06/2023 12:16

@MinionsHooray - you say you want the least number of children possible on your honeymoon. What would you do if your mum was having your children but, due to some serious problem, your dp's ex could not have his daughter - would you happily take your step daughter on the honeymoon and leave your own kids out?

The bottom line is that it is deeply unfair to exclude just one of the children in the way you are considering.

Also - you say your daughter will have POA for both you and your dp - are you planning to exclude his daughter from any say in her own father's affairs, or will she have joint POA?

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 06/06/2023 16:53

Thank you for some of the newer comments that don’t seem to paint me as the wicked witch and can see that I’m coming from this at a logical prospective.

OP posts:

mopeymoo · 06/06/2023 17:11

MinionsHooray · 06/06/2023 16:53

Thank you for some of the newer comments that don’t seem to paint me as the wicked witch and can see that I’m coming from this at a logical prospective.

Thing is it's not about logic. It's about feelings.

Smartiepants79 · 07/06/2023 16:45

I don’t think you’re the wicked witch.
I also think it’s totally understandable to not want your kids to come on your honeymoon.
But I also think that you’re not really accepting the possible long term issues excluding one child will have on your blended family.
You can feel how you feel but can you not see what everyone is saying?
Excluding your SD from these plans is not going to have a positive outcome. It’s a potentially very bad start to this new marriage.

Daisydu · 08/06/2023 09:31

We often take our kids we have together away and not our kids from previous. Mainly because our 2 are a lot younger, so into different things. It’s not cruel at all. I’d just do it and I wouldn’t ask other opinions of people who aren’t in your situation. Hopefully you can go kid free 🙂

Mari9999 · 08/06/2023 10:37

@Daisydu
Your older children and his older children may not have cared about being left behind; they may have even preferred to be left at home.

The difference in this situation is that only the partner is being expected to leave a child behind.

As to whether the action is perceived and experienced as cruel depends upon how the child or children experience the action and not so much on the intention of the person doing the action. The OP may not intend to cause pain to her partner's daughter or she may just be in different to any pain that she may cause with this action. But the fact that the child may be hurt by this action is what makes it cruel.

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 08/06/2023 19:12

Daisydu · 08/06/2023 09:31

We often take our kids we have together away and not our kids from previous. Mainly because our 2 are a lot younger, so into different things. It’s not cruel at all. I’d just do it and I wouldn’t ask other opinions of people who aren’t in your situation. Hopefully you can go kid free 🙂

thanks.

We have also spoke to her and she said it would be ‘weird’ coming on our honeymoon and isn’t bothered so regardless she won’t be coming either way now.

OP posts:

Crazycrazylady · 08/06/2023 19:38

Don't do this. Regardless of your reasons or everyone around will believe you are an evil stepmother regardless of your stated reasons .

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 08/06/2023 21:25

Crazycrazylady · 08/06/2023 19:38

Don't do this. Regardless of your reasons or everyone around will believe you are an evil stepmother regardless of your stated reasons .

Dsd has now said she’s not bothered about coming

but I really don’t care what other people in real life think of me. I don’t live my life in fear of what other people think.

OP posts:

Smartiepants79 · 08/06/2023 21:41

If your SD doesn’t want to come then, great, problem solved.
But I believe it was very important that she had a choice.

berksandbeyond · 09/06/2023 12:31

That’s convenient. I am not surprised though, doesn’t sound like you’re very nice to her

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 09/06/2023 13:25

berksandbeyond · 09/06/2023 12:31

That’s convenient. I am not surprised though, doesn’t sound like you’re very nice to her

Oh go away, do. 😆

Pusillanimouswitch · 09/06/2023 17:20

Well I mean you cared enough to post about it so you must have had some doubts?

what would you do if your children said they didn’t want to go but there was no one else to look after them? Would they have the option?

I think you know most people would say all or none but you’ve made up your mind and it’s up to you.

beachcitygirl · 09/06/2023 17:35

occa · 05/06/2023 18:29

Honestly if I was in your fiancé's position and my fiancée suggested this I'd be rethinking the marriage.

Yup 👏🏻👏🏻

PaigeMatthews · 09/06/2023 18:08

MinionsHooray · 08/06/2023 21:25

Dsd has now said she’s not bothered about coming

but I really don’t care what other people in real life think of me. I don’t live my life in fear of what other people think.

Show quote history

What did your fiance say about her not being bothered about coming?

Bubblyb00b · 09/06/2023 21:38

This is hilarious. OP and her DP give off a total older moneyed man/ younger trophy wife vibe, with her precious two kids and a an unfortunate step daughter everyone could not care less about (seeing your kid EOW, seriously?) I wonder why DSD's dad left when she was 3...And I wonder how the OP treats the girl IRL... I'm sure I have seen some Brazilian soap with this exact scenario.

I think she should go on holiday with her kids, I would imagine they would make this "honeymoon" totally romantic. No idea why people make such fuss of getting married after living together for years and having a bunch of kids. What is the point?..

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 10/06/2023 09:26

Bubblyb00b · 09/06/2023 21:38

This is hilarious. OP and her DP give off a total older moneyed man/ younger trophy wife vibe, with her precious two kids and a an unfortunate step daughter everyone could not care less about (seeing your kid EOW, seriously?) I wonder why DSD's dad left when she was 3...And I wonder how the OP treats the girl IRL... I'm sure I have seen some Brazilian soap with this exact scenario.

I think she should go on holiday with her kids, I would imagine they would make this "honeymoon" totally romantic. No idea why people make such fuss of getting married after living together for years and having a bunch of kids. What is the point?..

This has gave me a good laugh so thanks for that.

Many presumptions that are incorrect and laughable.

OP posts:

Bubblyb00b · 10/06/2023 11:29

@MinionsHooray glad you had a laugh, this whole thread is a joke, innit

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 10/06/2023 12:02

Bubblyb00b · 10/06/2023 11:29

@MinionsHooray glad you had a laugh, this whole thread is a joke, innit

Thread is serious.

just your made up story on our lives is a funny.

OP posts:

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 10/06/2023 12:02

PaigeMatthews · 09/06/2023 18:08

What did your fiance say about her not being bothered about coming?

Show quote history

That it’s up to her. What else is he meant to say.

OP posts:

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 10/06/2023 12:03

Pusillanimouswitch · 09/06/2023 17:20

Well I mean you cared enough to post about it so you must have had some doubts?

what would you do if your children said they didn’t want to go but there was no one else to look after them? Would they have the option?

I think you know most people would say all or none but you’ve made up your mind and it’s up to you.

My kids are younger and don’t get a choice.

OP posts:

Bubblyb00b · 10/06/2023 16:24

@MinionsHooray if its serious why are you literally ignoring all the advice people give you.

From your posts it looks like:

you are going to do whatever suits you as it seems that's what you always do
you are very inflexible with your dates and finding childcare for your own kids is not a priority, you don't care if they miss school because of you wanting to go on holiday - you are going no matter what, they are tagging along
you don't care if you hurt your step daughter's feelings - it seems like you don't even consider this as an issue. you see the girl 2 times a month and she is not really part of your family by the looks of it.
your stepdaughter would not go anyway as she finally said she doesn't want to - so you didn't even bother asking her before posting here
your husband doesn't care either way so it all seems up to you

So why ask? Its not down to our opinions here, its down to whether you mum can look after your kids, and your stepdaughter was not going anyway?

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 10/06/2023 17:54

Bubblyb00b · 10/06/2023 16:24

@MinionsHooray if its serious why are you literally ignoring all the advice people give you.

From your posts it looks like:

you are going to do whatever suits you as it seems that's what you always do
you are very inflexible with your dates and finding childcare for your own kids is not a priority, you don't care if they miss school because of you wanting to go on holiday - you are going no matter what, they are tagging along
you don't care if you hurt your step daughter's feelings - it seems like you don't even consider this as an issue. you see the girl 2 times a month and she is not really part of your family by the looks of it.
your stepdaughter would not go anyway as she finally said she doesn't want to - so you didn't even bother asking her before posting here
your husband doesn't care either way so it all seems up to you

So why ask? Its not down to our opinions here, its down to whether you mum can look after your kids, and your stepdaughter was not going anyway?

Iv already said DSD doesn’t want to come so this is a non issue now.

OP posts:

vivainsomnia · 11/06/2023 13:35

Iv already said DSD doesn’t want to come so this is a non issue now
That's of course assuming she is telling the truth. I can imagine she's already gathered you don't her there and it's less hurtful to say that she doesn't want to come even if she really does than waiting for her dad and you telling her she isn't coming.

Someone asked what you'd do if your mum could look after your children but no one could look after your SD. Would you take her without your kids? I think we all know the answer. It's not about childcare but purely the fact you don't want her there but it ease your conscience your SD said she didn't want to come or if everyone was telling you that you had no reason to feel any sense of guilt.