Page 10 | Honeymoon & DSD

MinionsHooray · 2023-06-05T16:39:07+00:00

Myself and my partner will be getting married next year finally. We have two children together. DSD will be attending the wedding as will our kids. However, I would like to go on our honeymoon with no children if possible but we may have to take our two joint children if my mother can’t have them. My partner has mentioned bringing dsd if we have to take our kids but I really don’t want too. I’d like to take the least amount of kids possible really. Has anyone else took their kids but not step kids on their honeymoon?

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 20:46

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 20:43

Jesus Christ. What crap are you talking about?! Making it up as you go along to feed your own thoughts.
No one is asking her to give up any plans!!
It’s not a dead cert but if she wants to when she’s older she will be the only one to POA. If she can’t or don’t want to then that’s fine and we will sort something else.

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Hit a nerve, really no need to have a tantrum

Fortheloveofus · 05/06/2023 20:47

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 20:43

Jesus Christ. What crap are you talking about?! Making it up as you go along to feed your own thoughts.
No one is asking her to give up any plans!!
It’s not a dead cert but if she wants to when she’s older she will be the only one to POA. If she can’t or don’t want to then that’s fine and we will sort something else.

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@MinionsHooray I think you'll find this wasn't directed at you. You'd left the thread, remember?

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 20:49

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 20:46

Hit a nerve, really no need to have a tantrum

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Stopped you banging on about it though didn’t it.

OP posts:

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 20:50

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 20:49

Stopped you banging on about it though didn’t it.

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Not really, are you as horrible behind closed doors as you are coming across on here?

GiveOverRover · 05/06/2023 20:54

On the off chance that this is some poor girls real nightmare stepmother situation, say for instance your romance comes to an end and your DP goes on to marry again and have more children.

How would you feel if the new kids were included on the honeymoon holiday and yours were left behind because his new wife was trying to keep the numbers down?

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 20:56

GiveOverRover · 05/06/2023 20:54

On the off chance that this is some poor girls real nightmare stepmother situation, say for instance your romance comes to an end and your DP goes on to marry again and have more children.

How would you feel if the new kids were included on the honeymoon holiday and yours were left behind because his new wife was trying to keep the numbers down?

It's never going to happen, she's that sure of herself

Mumof4alsoabonus · 05/06/2023 20:57

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 20:45

What if he marries and decides to live abroad? Plans change and life takes different paths, would you hold him to something he agreed to as a young man. Do you have a contingency plan. I'm not trying to belittle what you say btw, just curious.

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No, it is and always will be his choice. If he doesn’t feel in a position to do so if the time comes then he doesn’t. I would never hold that against him and he knows it. I can’t see him not doing so though. Maybe if he has his own kids and couldn’t cope, but by that time the middle 2 would likely be approaching adulthood and there would only be the youngest. He’s very responsible, family orientated and adores his younger siblings. He is and always was that kind of kid. My dss may just lift the money and walk away, sending postcards occasionally. Very different personalities.
He knows I don’t want them going to my family and they don’t really know their dads family closely, though hopefully they would step in with support. Hopefully it’s never needed lol.

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 20:57

Anyway best wishes for your nuptials and hope you have a lovely family holiday 😇😈

Makemyday99 · 05/06/2023 20:57

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 20:01

For reasons I won’t go into as it’s not relevant that’s not possible.

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Fair enough it was just a thought

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 20:58

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 20:56

It's never going to happen, she's that sure of herself

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You are right. I’m sure it would never happen for many many reasons.

but if it did, it wouldn’t be any time soon which means my kids will be adults and then it wouldn’t really matter.

OP posts:

strawberrywhisk · 05/06/2023 20:58

Mumof4alsoabonus · 05/06/2023 20:57

No, it is and always will be his choice. If he doesn’t feel in a position to do so if the time comes then he doesn’t. I would never hold that against him and he knows it. I can’t see him not doing so though. Maybe if he has his own kids and couldn’t cope, but by that time the middle 2 would likely be approaching adulthood and there would only be the youngest. He’s very responsible, family orientated and adores his younger siblings. He is and always was that kind of kid. My dss may just lift the money and walk away, sending postcards occasionally. Very different personalities.
He knows I don’t want them going to my family and they don’t really know their dads family closely, though hopefully they would step in with support. Hopefully it’s never needed lol.

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I hope it isn't too, he sounds like a lovely young man and yourself a wonderful mum.

GiveOverRover · 05/06/2023 21:01

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 20:58

You are right. I’m sure it would never happen for many many reasons.

but if it did, it wouldn’t be any time soon which means my kids will be adults and then it wouldn’t really matter.

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Ah yes, well as long as your kids are alright that's the main thing eh... Good luck to you.

Radiohat · 05/06/2023 21:03

Agree -it would be inappropriate to leave one of the siblings behind.

The only fair way is all or none of them.

Taking all 3 shows you are treating them fairly - taking only your biological shows a lack of fairness.

I do not think it wrong to leave all behind as non of them are then excluded on what looks like a family holiday.

Yousee · 05/06/2023 21:03

I'm all for a bit of common sense being applied to the dilemmas of holidays and step children (not everyone has to go to everything every time) but JFC this isn't going to be a honeymoon if there are any kids present and the opening lines of your marriage would be "yay we are official now, let's celebrate with a lovely family holiday, oh but not you, we don't need you".
Don't be a dick. Mark the occasion with all the kids or skip it until you can have an actual honeymoon with no kids.

greyhairnomore · 05/06/2023 21:05

Makemyday99 · 05/06/2023 17:43

I would agree with you. Your kids are your responsibility so you have no option but to take them if you can’t get care sorted but presumably dsd can stay with her mum so care isn’t an issue. I get its not because she’s your ‘step’ child but because you have no option but to take your own but ideally don’t want to take any of them. I would just say no to your DH

And her DSD is her husband's responsibility. @MinionsHooray it's so mean.
What if your ex got married and took his new kids but not yours ?

sunnydaysandhappythoughts · 05/06/2023 21:06

Yousee · 05/06/2023 21:03

I'm all for a bit of common sense being applied to the dilemmas of holidays and step children (not everyone has to go to everything every time) but JFC this isn't going to be a honeymoon if there are any kids present and the opening lines of your marriage would be "yay we are official now, let's celebrate with a lovely family holiday, oh but not you, we don't need you".
Don't be a dick. Mark the occasion with all the kids or skip it until you can have an actual honeymoon with no kids.

Agree with this post.

ErinAndTonic · 05/06/2023 21:09

You sound awfully sure of yourself.

If you're this much hard work in real life I'm sure he will tire of you and find something new and exciting in the future. He's probably only with you for the children.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 05/06/2023 21:12

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 20:58

You are right. I’m sure it would never happen for many many reasons.

but if it did, it wouldn’t be any time soon which means my kids will be adults and then it wouldn’t really matter.

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It’ll never happen. The husband-to-be is the one that wants to take all of the children if any are going so he’s not the type to pick and choose between the kids when it comes to holidays.

Though going by the comment about the teen not being able to babysit and the younger child being the one to get POA the question the Op is actually asking is clearly “AIBU not to include my DSD with additional needs, just my own two”

Original poster

MinionsHooray · 05/06/2023 21:20

ErinAndTonic · 05/06/2023 21:09

You sound awfully sure of yourself.

If you're this much hard work in real life I'm sure he will tire of you and find something new and exciting in the future. He's probably only with you for the children.

Ooo insults.

Well he’s taking a bloody long time to get tired of me. I’m sure that’s why he wants to marry me too…

OP posts:

RenoDakota · 05/06/2023 21:25

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UCknowitall · 05/06/2023 21:26

I completely get you OP.

The ideal amount of kids to take on honeymoon is 0.

In the eventuality that grandparent is unavailable then you are stuck with those you share as there are no other parents.

I assume that if you had a child from before marriage to fiancé .. (ie a child with another parent ) then you would leave that one behind as well..

I really do get that.

As things stand at the moment . The only child with alternative childcare is your husbands child. So you propose she stays at home. Yes - that is logical.
That's because I am logical and don't feel the need to froth about SC having everything exactly fair ..

However - I think you need to think about this more clearly . A honeymoon is a very specific thing. It is a time for couples. Couples who have just made a big commitment to each other and been through the huge stress that is planning a wedding and getting married. It's the time for you both to focus on each other after all the stress and hassle of the wedding itself. Time for a little carefree romance, (and of course sex) ..

It really doesn't matter if you have been together 30 years and have ten kids .. a honeymoon is a very different thing to a holiday. So if you cannot park your kids - it simply will NOT be a honeymoon which ever way you work it out. A honeymoon is you TWO and very very special. Anything more than two is not a honeymoon. It's a holiday with unwanted appendages.. and if you have 2 or 3 unwanted appendages then 4 won't make any odds and the exclusion will be felt.

Please have a honeymoon OP.. it is wonderful. I like you had a full on white second wedding in my 40s with (thankfully retired GP ) looking after mine - and the Dsc mother looking after them. It was magical. Please don't dilute it with ANY kids.. !!

LimeCheesecake · 05/06/2023 21:45

You are coming across badly OP, mainly because well, it’s pretty shitty to have a family holiday with only 2 of the 3 children who are part of your family - and the point you take any of the children with you, it stops being a “real” honeymoon, and is just a fancy family holiday.

now you need to shift your expectations of what’s happening if you can’t get childcare. You’ll have to have a kid friendly, child focused holiday not a grown up couples holiday.

However, given the ages of the dcs, would your DH’s exW be happy for DSD to go on a term time holiday? If she’s year 11 there’s no way that’s a sensible thing to do. So this Might be a none problem.

LimeCheesecake · 05/06/2023 21:51

Also given that the DD is the only one who’ll get POA- I’m assuming the DS has some additional needs, and possibly the step daughter too? Does this explain why your mum doesn’t feel she can commit to having them while you go away?

you might need to talk to her about how much time she can cope with the kids- if it’s a flat no to a week or two, then would a long weekend be achievable- or a midweek break so the kids are at school for the bulk of the time? Anything you can buy in to help your mum (taxis to school, babysitters, meal prep etc). Any other friends or family who could pop over and help her so she’s not on her own with them.

TheHandmaiden · 05/06/2023 21:55

Jesus wept. It's no kids on a honeymoon or No honeymoon. Not, leave some behind because of logistics.

Fix a honeymoon for when you can leave all the kids at home.

jelly79 · 05/06/2023 21:56

If your mum said she could look after 1, would you choose 1 of your 2 to take?

Either wait till you are completely child free or take them all. It would be heartbreaking for DSD that