Honeymoon & DSD

[MinionsHooray]

Myself and my partner will be getting married next year finally.

We have two children together.

DSD will be attending the wedding as will our kids.

However, I would like to go on our honeymoon with no children if possible but we may have to take our two joint children if my mother can’t have them.

My partner has mentioned bringing dsd if we have to take our kids but I really don’t want too. I’d like to take the least amount of kids possible really.

Has anyone else took their kids but not step kids on their honeymoon?

Ooo the pricks were out for this one! You have handled it like a champ op 👏 tricky one though, I dont think I could leave out the eldest and you are correct in thinking it's because it's a holiday abroad 😁 I would have had a real fomo if that was me at 15. Wouldn't have given a shit about going to Skegness though ha. Though if you are going in school time I would explain and tell her she can chose somewhere for a weekend away with just her and her dad or you to sweeten it. I'll keep my fingers crossed that your mum can get the time off so you don't have to take any of them!

Some really aggressive and ridiculous replies here.

op, you take all or none.

I hope you're lucky enough to get your honeymoon without any kids OP.

However, there is no way you could take 2 kids and leave out your DSD. As most others have said, it's all or none.

Future prediction.

DSD post on mn Ive been left out of my DF will as his DW and other biological DC get it all.

If I had to take my children on my Honeymoon then I would take them all and have a fun family holiday.
And do the honeymoon bit when your mum can have them.
And slip in a dirty weekend somewhere in between.

This has been a truly horrible thread to read. And I don’t mean the OP. Poster after poster has ripped her apart for everything, including having the audacity to get married after children, wearing white, not wanting to take any children on her honeymoon (perfectly understandable) and for the insane reason that she knows (likely due to ND) that one of her children will have POA.

I hate this place sometimes.

So what the OP is suggesting is fine in your view and you expect posters to agree with her proposed action of excluding her step daughter?

So what the OP is suggesting is fine in your view and you expect posters to agree with her proposed action of excluding her step daughter?

Wow, what a leap.

In what way is it a leap when the particular poster did not make any comment or criticism on the OP appearing to criticise others instead?

Not read the thread, but this is your honeymoon! Is there really nobody that can look after your DCs? Even if it’s months down the line and you then go all out and have an amazing time celebrating with your DH just the two of you?

If not, as much as I understand wanting to keep numbers down, I think on this occasion leaving the dscs behind might be a bit mean. If it was any other holiday I’d say the usual meh so what. But because it’s your honeymoon it’s like an extension of your wedding and if your honeymoon includes children then it should be all of them I guess.

I agree with this. Ripping her apart for things that are nothing to do with the situation because they've decided the op is a bitch from one post. It's really poor behaviour.

I don't agree that leaving one child behind is the right thing to do but I can see this and also recognise that the responses were nasty.

@MinionsHooray
It is not traditional to go on a honeymoon with children. Most people wait to have the children after the honeymoon.

Given that following tradition is not necessarily a part of your life plan, why not have the wedding now and then schedule the honeymoon for a later more convenient date?

Clearly, if you guys waited 12 years for a wedding then waiting 6 months to a year should not be such a hardship. There is no way taking 2 of 3 children will be a good look unless the 15 year old turns down the offer to go.

Taking 2 children makes it less of a honeymoon and more of a family vacation.

Your children will have interesting tales to share with your grandchildren, they will be able to say" not only did we get to go our parents wedding,but we also got to go on their honeymoon. "

Totally agree with most of your post, and this place is so dreadful at times. Started a thread of my own recently and it went so far off topic it was bloody painful.

OP should have the wedding she wants, get married in whatever colour she wants, go on honeymoon without children in tow... BUT excluding her DSD from this 'honeymoon' (which is essentially a family holiday) simply because she could leave her with someone else is abhorrent, says a lot about the OP, how negatively she views her DSD, and if her STBDH agreed to this then he's just as awful as she is.

The DSD will be 16, hardly a little child, I'm sure at that age she won't want to be on her dads honeymoon.
OP ensure your mum is free and have a child free honeymoon, bribe her if necessary 🤣
Also, ignore the harpy puritans.

@Tiddlypomtiddlypom
I don't think that posters are ripping the OP apart . I think sometimes it is difficult to be fully sympathetic to a situation where some people choose to flaunt or disregard certain traditions, but then want others to treat or see them in the same traditional manner that they view people whose actions are consistent with the meaning and definitions associated with those traditions.

Of course the OP can and should have the wedding, and honeymoon of her choice, but it is also reasonable to recognize that others might be less inclined to put themselves out for a honeymoon that comes after living together for 12 plus years. They might feel that this is a couple well acquainted with lack of urgency and delay.

That is not judgmental nor puritanical. The family members involved no doubt love and wish the couple joy and continued happiness. They may just subscribe to the same get to it when we get to it point of view. You can't really blame people for sharing your outlook and perspective. The OP's mom and the partner's ex may just not see this as an urgent situation requiring them to modify their schedule.

If you can take 2 of your children on your honeymoon, how much more difficult is it to take all 3 of your children? Tbh, none of these children may want to go on a honeymoon while all 3 might want to go on the family vacation.

How many teenagers do you know that would be happy to be the only family member not invited on the family holiday abroad? (Because that’s what it’ll be with the 12 & 10 year olds there)

Also, people keep talking about the OPs honeymoon and keep ignoring the fact her partner doesn’t want to leave his DD behind if the other two children are going.

I like you OP 😄

It doesn't sound reasonable but then again, I bet your DSD gets to go away with Mum which are holidays your children don't get to experience.

Best case scenario is that you are child free but if not, I don't see the issue. DSD will be 16 so probably won't want to go away with you all.
Perhaps her dad should talk it through with her... and/or give her the choice? If she hears it's full of holiday clubs she may politely decline.

You aren't a wicked step mother. No doubt you've made so many sacrifices for yourself and your own children to over compensate. It's never discussed that when blended families work, it's the biological children within the 'new' family who take the most hits.

I totally understand the logic op. But it’s the optics. And the feelings of others. Your dsd is a child and she doesn’t have the choices you have. She’s already had a decade of seeing her dad be part of another family and feeling that she’s on the outside. This could really tip things over the edge for her. It’s really not worth ruining the goodwill and relationship you’ve built up with her and your dp’s family. There could be so many repercussions to the desire to take the least number of children possible.

Yes absolutely fair enough and obviously way off topic! I was surprised you'd decided so young that she'd be suitable but I realise now this is re nursing home so way in the future not your current POA.

It's a leap. That poster commented on some of the weird treatment OP has had. Not the actual dilemma of the OP. Wearing white at the wedding and her POA (sorry for my part - I too was like but she's so young!).

There's not agreeing we ith her and there's ridiculousness about weddings

It was a leap, as that other poster said.

I made no comment on the OP ‘s suggestions. Because nothing justifies the pure bile she has received from a vast majority of posters on here. Personal attacks. It’s deeply, deeply unpleasant.

I appreciate your post, but just to point out, I agree with her desire to leave all of the children behind.

I'd ask her what she wants to do. St that age I didn't want to holiday with my family. If you are clear that it's not going to be hotels with entertainment and it will be a chilled out disconnected holiday without screens and phones she might not want to come.

Otherwise you are going to have to take her. Personally if I'd waited so long for a wedding I'd wait for the honeymoon to go without kids. Its not unusual to have a delayed honeymoon. Its not really a honeymoon with kids and one more doesn't make any difference. It just seems like you don't like her. I don't think you would leave one of your 2 dc.