New baby and dsc bedroom situation

[missidontknow]

Hey

long time lurker but first post for me today.

I am married to dh and we have one ds together and dh has a 7yo ds from previous marriage. i got caught pregnant by big surprise and am now 22 weeks with our daughter. Very very big shock as I was on the pill :S
we saved hard and bought our 3 bed house before I went on maternity with ds - we decided on having only one child together. So as it stands everyone has their own room - me & dh in the master bedroom, ds and DSS each have their own room with DSS having the smallest room as he only sleeps over once a week mainly due to dh work commitments. This has always been the arrangement between dh and his ex since they separated.

so here lies the problem - i (it seems wrongly) assumed that when our daughter is ready to move into her own room (around 10 months old if we go by what we did with ds) then she will go in the smaller bedroom and DSS will move into ds bedroom. Dh in full agreement of this as we both think that the resident children of opposite sex should each have their own room. Dss has a single bed in his room so I thought we could move that into ds room. This will take away a lot of space from ds and his toys etc but I thought that was the best solution and DSS will always have a proper bed in our house.

it seems however that I have become a wicked stepmother - dh family are barely speaking to me now. They keep making comments along the lines of ‘poor DSS having his bedroom taken away’. And how this new baby will ‘tip things over the edge’. I have been saying to dh for a while now that’s it’s upsetting me that our unborn daughter is somehow resented by them - that’s the impression I’m getting anyway, I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive.

DSS has agreed he will share ds bedroom under two conditions - they have bunk beds and he gets the top, and his PlayStation goes in the bedroom. I have said no to both. Firstly because I don’t like the idea of a 7yo telling us, the adults how it’s going to be, secondly I don’t think bunk beds are appropriate for my ds as he will be exactly 2 years old when our daughter is born and thirdly I refuse for my toddler to have a PlayStation in his room - I think it is totally inappropriate!!

am I in the wrong here? Honest opinions please? I snapped at the weekend when mother in law said ‘things will only be fair when you buy a 4 bed’ so I said ‘are you going to give us the extra thousands It costs for a 4 bed?’ To which she replied ‘you could sell up and rent a 4 bed’
is this the only solution we have honestly??! What do others think? My parents have told me to let ds and dd share a room until they are older then re-evaluate the situation, they think that the age gap between ds and DSS is too big and that I need to keep the peace.
I can’t help feeling like I will be letting my own ds down by making him share a room with his baby sister when there is an empty bedroom 6 nights a week

[missidontknow]

Please give me your opinions those of you in my situation or similar? I have never, ever had crossed words with dh’s family, we have always got on, they made a huge fuss when I got pregnant with ds, they will over the moon for us and so excited. This new baby has had quite the opposite reception and it’s honestly upset me so much. I feel like they resent her before she is even here as she will bring a lot of change. I am so upset that I can’t feel excited about having newborn daughter :(

[19lottie82]

DSS has agreed he will share ds
bedroom under two conditions

😂 he’s a child, he doesn’t get to give you ultimatums.

Your suggestion re the rooms sounds fine. I wouldn’t stress about it.

tell him he can share with his stepbrother or his baby sister.

[19lottie82]

PS your in laws sounds like dicks. Tell them if they’re so bothered about DSS having his own room they can chip in and give you the difference so you can upgrade to a 4 bed.

I shared at my dads with my wee brother who was 9 years younger than me from the ages of 10-17! It wasn’t ideal but we had to make do as there wasn’t another room .

[missidontknow]

@19lottie82

DSS has agreed he will share ds
bedroom under two conditions

😂 he’s a child, he doesn’t get to give you ultimatums.

Your suggestion re the rooms sounds fine. I wouldn’t stress about it.

tell him he can share with his stepbrother or his baby sister.

Yes this is EXACTLY my point! I said to dh we can’t allow a 7yo to think he can barter with us!

[Glitterbaby17]

Blended family Mum here and it is hard. As they get older, different sex children sharing is hard, but tbh while they are little I think it’s harder for an 8 year old to share with a 2 year old as they have little in common.

I had DD4 and DS1 in together for a while to leave DSD15 with her own room. As she now visits less as she’s older she shares with DD when she’s here and that’s ok.

In your position if you’re set on boys together I’d get the bunk beds - kids love them and if it makes DSS happy is an easy win - and more floor space for both boys.

Tbh I’d be tempted to get a cot with wheels and make the second bedroom for DD during the week and wheel her in with you or DS the night DSS is there. Is DS room big enough to subdivide with some kallax to make 2 spaces as that could also be an option?

[bibbityboppityboo]

Your suggestion sounds totally normal (from the position of an eldest stepchild!).

Your DHs family sound very precious tbh. I think your response about them paying the difference was quite funny!

DSS sounds very cheeky (but wouldn't we all love PlayStations and bunk beds on demand!) but I'm sure will adapt as children do, and perhaps a compromise on bed types can be reached in the future when your DS is a bit older too 😊

[Daffodilmorning]

I agree with your parents, it’s much better to have opposite sex siblings sharing as very small children than to put a 7 year old and 2 year old together.

The 7 year old is naturally going to go to bed later and will probably have toys that aren’t safe/appropriate for a 2 year old in his room (legos and other things with small parts could be a choking risk). Plus they are unlikely to want the same decor.

I’d reassess the situation once your younger children are older and privacy is an issue.

[lunar1]

The boys need to share, there is no sane reason for that not to happen.

But your DSS needs something that's just his in there. It can't be that he gets his bed stuck in a toddlers room and not feel like his as well.

Is there a way your DH can get it partitioned using a bunk bed in the centre and them each having their own side, I've no idea how feasible those Pinterest room's actually work in reality!

I'd say no to the PlayStation as well, but I would find a compromise he will enjoy.

[GrumpyPanda]

How old is your ds? Tend to agree with your parents on keeping the younger ones together. You can reevaluate if they end up keeping each other up.

[Topee]

I would have the two year old and baby in together as they’re closer in age. She could also sleep in your DSS room the 6 nights he’s not there. She won’t care about not having her own room!

[missidontknow]

@Daffodilmorning

I agree with your parents, it’s much better to have opposite sex siblings sharing as very small children than to put a 7 year old and 2 year old together.

The 7 year old is naturally going to go to bed later and will probably have toys that aren’t safe/appropriate for a 2 year old in his room (legos and other things with small parts could be a choking risk). Plus they are unlikely to want the same decor.

I’d reassess the situation once your younger children are older and privacy is an issue.

Part of me agrees with me parents in all honestly. Also like you say, DSS toys are not totally appropriate for my ds, eg, nerf guns, small Lego, etc.

the thing is, my ds had a terrible time with teething, it’s taken me a long time to get him into good sleeping habits and sleeping in his cot. He has turned out an excellent sleeper (fingers crossed stays that way) he sleeps all night in his own bed and rarely wakes. it just worries me sticking a baby in there who is teething and waking frequently during the night and disturbing ds. I don’t want to undo all my hard work

[Thesearmsofmine]

Sharing rooms is fine, 2 of mine share, your in-laws are being weird about that.

If it were me I would put the two younger ones in together, 2 and 7 is a fairly big gap for sharing especially as they get older, 12 and 7 for example.

If you are set on them sharing then I would get bunk beds but not because he wants them but because they will give more floor space. I wouldn’t have a PlayStation in a bedroom though.

[CrotchetyQuaver]

I would compromise and go for bunk beds for the boys. Not the PlayStation though

[Sirzy]

I think bunk beds makes more sense to be honest.

all your reasonings are about the 2 year old but it will also be a 7 year olds bedroom so he needs to feel like he belongs too.

[LemonLimeDivine]

YANBU

Both boys should probably share. Daughter in her own room.

The 7 year old does not get to set conditions or dictate. If you give in to him on this you’re making a rod for your own back. He’s only there once a week anyway.
I completely understand you’re upset by family reactions. However, sod them.

Your house, your decision.

[Papernotplastic]

I’d go for your DS and DSS sharing with a bed like this

https://www.bedkingdom.co.uk/flair-furnishings-mystic-mini-bunk-white.html?fo_c=3456&fo_k=f71263b9227c30425e7960c6d3a5cf82&fo_s=gplauk&cq_src=google_ads&cq_cmp=16712598861&cq_term=&cq_plac=&cq_net=x&cq_plt=gp&gclid=EAIaIQobChMImIv75b6L_wIVhYVoCR1adwAgEAQYBCABEgKEMvD_BwE#mz-expanded-view-1612423674304

That way your DS is safe on the bottom ‘bunk’ and keeps his floor space and your DSS gets part of what he wants.

[lunar1]

Where will your DSS be allowed to have his age appropriate toys, there needs to be a plan for that.

[Papernotplastic]

For the first 6 months the baby will be in your room so you’ve got time for your DS to adjust.

[missidontknow]

@bibbityboppityboo

Your suggestion sounds totally normal (from the position of an eldest stepchild!).

Your DHs family sound very precious tbh. I think your response about them paying the difference was quite funny!

DSS sounds very cheeky (but wouldn't we all love PlayStations and bunk beds on demand!) but I'm sure will adapt as children do, and perhaps a compromise on bed types can be reached in the future when your DS is a bit older too 😊

I almost suggested to mother in law that she make her spare bedroom into a bedroom for DSS and he can stay there lol. I just snapped as I am absolutely sick of the negativity and they have yet to congratulate us on our pregnancy even though they have known since my 12 week scan. Totally different story when we announced my pregnancy with ds.
he is very cheeky to be honest but he’s been allowed to be :S I will happily let them have bunk beds when ds is older but he hasn’t even moved into a little toddler bed yet - I feel he is far too young for bunk beds for a long time and I’m scared accidents will happen if he falls out of bed or is climbing

[purpleboy]

I think I would personally put your daughter in with your son they are young enough that it doesn't really matter to them. Plus your DD won't be moving in there soon so you probably have at least another year and a half before you need to make any decisions.

[Iwrotethissong]

I'd put the two little ones in together for a few years and re-evaluate then.
The older child will want their lego, colouring pens etc, and they won't be safe for a little one.
Thr opposite sex thing isn't really relevant when they are so young.
If the baby is a poor sleeper keep them in with you for longer.

[Snugglemonkey]

I would not have the boys sharing until they are a bit older, to be honest. The age gap is too big and it makes such a difference when one is a toddler. In a few years, I would put them together, but I would start with your two sharing.

[missidontknow]

DSS has his own bedroom at his mums by the way fully equipped with everything he wants including a PlayStation. Decorated to his preference. I just doesn’t sit right with me deep down that my ds will have to share with dd and potentially be disturbed by her and have girl toys in his room. Also makes me feel sad that my daughter will be have a ‘boys bedroom’ decorated blue with dinosaurs etc. I know I sound precious but they are my children

[SparkyBlue]

Your suggestion sounds absolutely fine and a totally normal set up. Your in-laws also seem way too invested in your life. Why would this be made into such a drama? I'd shut them down when they start on about it again and don't entertain any nonsense from them. They should be getting excited for the new baby not starting up this silliness. Just on the bunk beds set up I got them for my DDs and DD2 was only a year and a half (if even) when she moved to the bottom one with no issues. So dont totally discount the idea if it saves on space. Best of luck with your pregnancy.

[standardduck]

Your suggestion is completely fine. Your ILs are being rude and should have no say in this regardless.

Since your DSS is sleeping over only once per week, I don't see any issue with him sharing with your DS. You can always change it up later if that doesn't work.