When to tell step kids about new baby

[Tishtun]

Hey!

I am currently 2 months pregnant very early but I'm so excited it will be my first!

I have a husband who has two kids ages 7 and 9. We have been together 4 years and the relationship with ex broke down before he met me.
We live over 350 miles from the kids so we see them physically once a month and school holidays. In between is face time and calls.
I am an older mum and so I would like to wait to tell the kids but seeking advice on when is best.

Is past the 20 week mark too late? We have decided to not directly tell the ex as she would hear it from the kids anyway and she's not in our close circle to notify.

Great to hear from those that have had the convo and when they did it.

In a mature world, anything that will affect DC is best to be discussed with the ex. Her DC are getting a sibling so ofcourse she needs to be aware. In the same way if she had a baby it would be good to let your husband know. I agree with PP about telling DC then letting ex know whilst DC are with you, but she needs to know. DC may mask their feelings with you. In the same way you make teachers aware of any big life changes incase it affects DCs behaviour, so they aren't having to put two and two together and making ten.

OP of course your husband’s exwife gets no say in your family planning. And your baby probably won’t ever even meet her.
You’re not going to have a discussion about it. But it’s probably a good idea to tell her. Not now. Do it after you’ve told the kids, whenever you feel ready to share the news of your pregnancy with your baby’s siblings (even if that’s not until 20+ weeks). Either when you drop them home or by text a day earlier while they’re at yours. Your H should do it, not you, it’s not your problem to deal with, and their should be no entertaining of any opinions she may have. Grey rock them all. It’s genuinely going to be easier for the kids if she knows and then they don’t have to worry about telling her, or think they might need to keep it a secret or anything like that.
At their ages, if you don’t tell her, they probably will and they’re likely to get a bunch of details wrong which could just make for awkward phonecalls from the ex at best, or upset kids because the news is badly handled at worst. Kids that age don’t know how pregnancy works and how long it lasts so the likelihood of them remembering the approximate due date correctly is low. They may have random ideas about what sex the baby will be. There may be more serious misunderstandings too - like they might think the baby is yours but not their dads, because they may not yet understand sex and reproduction and think that this is clearly your baby but it can’t possibly have anything to do with their dad because he’s THEIR dad. Giving their mum the bare minimum of info (eg, you’re having a baby, due December) is likely to be the path that leads to the least angst all round.