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Original poster

The great washing debate - should I have reminded him?

134 replies

thegrain · 07/04/2023 09:56

DSC have their own separate washing basket. Reason for this being it is easier to make sure it's all done before they are back again (here every other weekend and half holidays). Also DH is responsible for their washing. I for some reason am responsible for our shared DC's washing but that's probably a subject for another day!

Anyway. They are due here tonight. The washing has not been done. I noticed it was full last weekend but frankly am fed up of telling DH what basic parenting tasks need doing so I just left it and assumed he would notice. He's now all a flustered and asking why I didn't remind him! My response was why should I.

Anyone else got a lazy arse husband?

OP posts:
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Original poster
thegrain · 07/04/2023 12:20

your not dragging it to the river and beating it with stones quite. So he is more than capable.

OP posts:
Original poster
thegrain · 07/04/2023 12:21

I was only wondering if I was being a bit harsh not reminding him. It's some how turned into "why don't you do the washing for him" 😂

OP posts:
MyriadOfTravels · 07/04/2023 12:23

Codlingmoths · 07/04/2023 11:36

I’d helpfully suggest he could take over all the washing if that would help him remember? And say ‘I’d still do mine of course, but they are all your children so it’s not a bad idea.’
that’s the most helpful I’d be!

Yep.
That would be my answer too.

BungleandGeorge · 07/04/2023 12:24

He does his own washing so I can’t think of a reason he’d need a reminder. If he wasn’t doing his own I guess he might forget. The answer is to tell him to set up a reminder on his phone

MyriadOfTravels · 07/04/2023 12:25

rwalker · 07/04/2023 12:16

Nobody said it all has to fall on OP

just sort who does what but I would group all washing together
what happens after they’ve eaten does DH have to wash there pots because there not OP kids

Show quote history

You see, any organisation like this would end up with DH nit doing anything in my house.
Because obviously as I’m already doing the rest if the washing, it’s logical if I take that little bit too….

So NO.

The least he can do is to take on all the work associated with his child. The washing, the emotional work, the b’day etc etc

Original poster
thegrain · 07/04/2023 13:09

Grouping all the washing together would mean I end up doing more washing. The whole idea of keeping theirs seperate was that it needs doing less often but must be done before they are back next and is easier for DH to sort out their clothes rather than having to sort through the whole family's clothes

OP posts:
Theelephantinthecastle · 07/04/2023 13:22

Everyone's in together sounds like a huge pain having to separate out whose is whose especially when some people are only there part of the time.

CornishGem1975 · 07/04/2023 13:27

Theelephantinthecastle · 07/04/2023 13:22

Everyone's in together sounds like a huge pain having to separate out whose is whose especially when some people are only there part of the time.

5 kids, that's how I do it. No skin off my nose. It's only washing, I never get the hoo-ha on Mumsnet about doing the laundry. If it needs doing, just do it.

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/04/2023 13:28

The only way he’ll learn is to do this a

and fine to point that out to him

Luredbyapomegranate · 07/04/2023 13:30

CornishGem1975 · 07/04/2023 13:27

5 kids, that's how I do it. No skin off my nose. It's only washing, I never get the hoo-ha on Mumsnet about doing the laundry. If it needs doing, just do it.

Show quote history

It depends on how you divide the housework though doesn’t it

Plus, the OP doesn’t want to be bother by her DP’s ex ringing up saying where’s that jumper.

So the only way to avoid that is for her DP to take over all the washing. Would that work OP?

aSofaNearYou · 07/04/2023 13:30

5 kids, that's how I do it. No skin off my nose. It's only washing, I never get the hoo-ha on Mumsnet about doing the laundry. If it needs doing, just do it.

You could say that about any chores, leaving one person to do it all. There has to be a limit.

Simonjt · 07/04/2023 13:31

rwalker · 07/04/2023 11:47

I couldn’t live in a house where prettiness of who’s is that before I do it

your not dragging it to the river and beating it with stones

must cost more as well I just make sure it’s a full load
rather than 2 part loads because there not mine

from step kids point of view just reinforces to them there not yours hope they feel welcome in your home

It actually reinforces the view that they are so low down on the list of priorities for their dad that he doesn’t even consider that they need clean clothes.

Original poster
thegrain · 07/04/2023 13:33

There is absolutely no way I am taking on their washing too. That had been clear from the start. They shouldn't need me to do it they have a suposedly capable parent in the house here to do it for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
thegrain · 07/04/2023 13:33

And as for the washing up - I insisted we get a dishwasher.

OP posts:
CornishGem1975 · 07/04/2023 14:44

You could say that about any chores, leaving one person to do it all. There has to be a limit.

I do say that about any chores. They don't need to be 'divided', its common sense as adults surely. If you can see a job needs do and you have the time, why not just do it?

That's just how our house operates though. if DH sees the house needs hoovering, he does it. If I see the laundry basket overflowing, I deal with it. Same goes for dishwasher, toys, beds...

aSofaNearYou · 07/04/2023 14:45

CornishGem1975 · 07/04/2023 14:44

You could say that about any chores, leaving one person to do it all. There has to be a limit.

I do say that about any chores. They don't need to be 'divided', its common sense as adults surely. If you can see a job needs do and you have the time, why not just do it?

That's just how our house operates though. if DH sees the house needs hoovering, he does it. If I see the laundry basket overflowing, I deal with it. Same goes for dishwasher, toys, beds...

Yes, but that's easy to say when both of you naturally do things so it isn't just one person left doing everything. That's not the case for everyone.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 07/04/2023 14:48

thegrain · 07/04/2023 12:21

I was only wondering if I was being a bit harsh not reminding him. It's some how turned into "why don't you do the washing for him" 😂

Amazing isn’t it? Find it hard to believe people would
respond the same way if a DM posted to say her partner (stepfather) forgot to remind her to wash her own DC’s clothes

Original poster
thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:12

DrMarciaFieldstone · 07/04/2023 14:48

Amazing isn’t it? Find it hard to believe people would
respond the same way if a DM posted to say her partner (stepfather) forgot to remind her to wash her own DC’s clothes

Show quote history

It's like I should be doing more housework even though the problem is he's not doing it. So weird.

OP posts:
WelshNerd · 07/04/2023 15:39

thegrain · 07/04/2023 12:21

I was only wondering if I was being a bit harsh not reminding him. It's some how turned into "why don't you do the washing for him" 😂

Patriarchy is magic!

TwilightSkies · 07/04/2023 15:45

No you shouldn’t have reminded him. The fact he ‘doesn’t remember’ just shows he thinks it’s out of his remit. Wife-work at its finest!

RiktheButler · 07/04/2023 15:49

I'm so glad I'm single. is that really what married life is like? Petty behaviour, not reminding or giving a gentle nudge to your partner just because of - well, no reason at all. The whole "well fuck him" attitude just baffles me.

Seriously, chuck all the clothes in together - how hard can it possibly be to separate out one weekend's worth of clothing?

Some of you seem to spend all of your time making things difficult or picking fights for no reason at all, and then jumping to "leave the bastard"

Original poster
thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:56

Why would I do that? Why would I add the extra work to my load when he should be doing it?

OP posts:
TwilightSkies · 07/04/2023 16:12

Seriously, chuck all the clothes in together - how hard can it possibly be to separate out one weekend's worth of clothing?

It isn’t hard! So why can’t he do it?!

Original poster
thegrain · 07/04/2023 16:13

TwilightSkies · 07/04/2023 16:12

Seriously, chuck all the clothes in together - how hard can it possibly be to separate out one weekend's worth of clothing?

It isn’t hard! So why can’t he do it?!

Exactly! I mean he can't even handle it when he doesn't mix them all up so why am I expected to suddenly just do everyone's washing?

OP posts:
OnaBegonia · 07/04/2023 16:16

For the sake of one load per
fortnight, just do it and stop separating DSC needs from
your kids, it's petty.