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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Leaving a child with step-parent overnight: what's the law?

214 replies

OneMoreNameForMe · 29/09/2022 14:32

Hello,

If the parents of a child are separated, and both parents have re-married, what are the rules on leaving their child with one of their step-parents overnight (without the bio parent there)?

My friend is in this situation. Her child is being left overnight with stepmother as it's dad's night, but he's away. Friend has offered to have her child those nights, but dad won't agree.

Any advice/ guidance?

OP posts:
Hearthnhome · 30/09/2022 16:45

Thereisnolight · 30/09/2022 16:23

In this thread, the mum doesn’t want SM to look after the child, she wants to look after the child herself. So does the child. SM is opposing this. How is this in the child’s best interests? How is this impinging upon the SM?

Why are we saying the SM is opposing itS

The child is in the care of their father. The father is making a decision about the care of their child with his wife, but it’s ultimately his decision.

nothing suggests that he is a bad father or is doing this for any other reason, than he thinks, all in all it’s better for child and his family. And it’s his decision to make.

He has no obligation to put the mothers ‘wants’ first.

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 30/09/2022 16:48

@DebussytoaDiscoBeat exactly what I was thinking.

If in doubt blame the sm 🙄 couldn't ever be anyone else making it awkward.

Seems people really resent just the presence of one breathing (if not convenient to their wants/plans/needs)

thethreemuskateers · 30/09/2022 19:23

I’ve recently found out that my ex goes off to play golf and leaves my son with his girlfriend. Whilst I’m not happy I feel golf is a hobby and he shouldn’t arrange games when he has our son there’s unfortunately nothing I can do.

marcopront · 30/09/2022 20:49

thethreemuskateers · 30/09/2022 19:23

I’ve recently found out that my ex goes off to play golf and leaves my son with his girlfriend. Whilst I’m not happy I feel golf is a hobby and he shouldn’t arrange games when he has our son there’s unfortunately nothing I can do.

When your son of in your care is he with you all the time?
Or do you ever leave him with someone else?

SleepingStandingUp · 30/09/2022 21:06

roarfeckingroarr · 29/09/2022 20:24

Wife, sorry, is babysitting. Not girlfriend. Does it matter?

Yes because gf babysitting vs wife caring for him seeks to minimise her role and their relationship to some casual person doing dad a favour vs a family unit functioning cohesively.

thethreemuskateers · 30/09/2022 21:07

marcopront · 30/09/2022 20:49

When your son of in your care is he with you all the time?
Or do you ever leave him with someone else?

Show quote history

He’s with me all of the time unless at school.

SleepingStandingUp · 30/09/2022 21:09

Thereisnolight · 30/09/2022 16:23

In this thread, the mum doesn’t want SM to look after the child, she wants to look after the child herself. So does the child. SM is opposing this. How is this in the child’s best interests? How is this impinging upon the SM?

If Mom wants more than 5p/50 custody, she needs to take him to Court. Whilst he's with Dad, it's perfect reasonable that his step Mom shares care of that's what works for them. Mom doesn't get to decide how Dad arranges care of the child in his time

roarfeckingroarr · 30/09/2022 22:34

It this is a regular occurrence and the mother is missing out on time with her child / child missing time with its mother when dad is absent during "his" time, then dad should relinquish this time.

Makes no sense to stop the parent and child spending time together when the other parent is absent anyway.

roarfeckingroarr · 30/09/2022 22:35

Sounds like SM is being kind here, no criticism of her.

fluffinsalad · 01/10/2022 11:14

There is zero point in the child having to say if the dad isn't there

SleepingStandingUp · 01/10/2022 11:44

fluffinsalad · 01/10/2022 11:14

There is zero point in the child having to say if the dad isn't there

Perhaps if this were CONTACT time as in Mom is primary carer and Dad has him a few days a month. But they have 50/50. It isn't contact time, it's just normal life. If the Mom wants to grab a coffee with a friend and the only chance is her week, or she wants to go out on her anniversary with DH and its her week, would people be telling Mom "NO you do not leave you child other than for work or school! This is your contact time, if you can't be bothered to care for your child yourself, give up custody time and pay Dad CM?". I doubt it.
Child is with his other family, spending time with a Step Mom they claim to not know - how will that ever change if any time spent with her is considered an affront to the Mother-Child bond?

Catfordthefifth · 01/10/2022 11:45

roarfeckingroarr · 30/09/2022 22:34

It this is a regular occurrence and the mother is missing out on time with her child / child missing time with its mother when dad is absent during "his" time, then dad should relinquish this time.

Makes no sense to stop the parent and child spending time together when the other parent is absent anyway.

Bet you'd not say that to a mum who had to work?!

TimBoothseyes · 01/10/2022 11:53

Catfordthefifth · 01/10/2022 11:45

Bet you'd not say that to a mum who had to work?!

Show quote history

Exactly. How many comments have there ever been along the lines of "well the mother should not work if it's her time with her child?" Yet the dad has to be available for his child at all times.

fluffinsalad · 01/10/2022 11:56

If I had to leave my child over night with a man that wasn't their dad due to work I would be changing my hours.

LimpBiskit · 01/10/2022 11:58

What a nonsense question.

Hearthnhome · 01/10/2022 12:00

fluffinsalad · 01/10/2022 11:56

If I had to leave my child over night with a man that wasn't their dad due to work I would be changing my hours.

Even if that man was your husband and that job was the best, overall, option for your family

Summerholidays2022 · 01/10/2022 12:17

If the dad can’t watch the child for 2 of his nights out of 7 the kid should be with mum . He’s not available to watch his child but the other parent is. Poor kid and mum just want their free time together.

Butterfly44 · 01/10/2022 12:46

It's his days. Presume he is busy for some part of it so step mum will look after.
Both parties have remarried. Not really a time for picking sides. Would your friend leave said child with stepdad? I presume yes. So this is no different. It's good to encourage the relationship, especially as step mum is part of their life now. Learn to parent as an amicable blended family and model positivity.

itwasntmetho · 01/10/2022 12:56

fluffinsalad · 01/10/2022 11:56

If I had to leave my child over night with a man that wasn't their dad due to work I would be changing my hours.

Me too, or ask their Father if he wanted those days.

Givenuptotally · 01/10/2022 13:21

But they have 50/50. It isn't contact time, it's just normal life

Mum is available. Dad isn’t, seemingly long term. Why is a child being forced (because that is what it is) to stay with a step parent when their other parent is available? 50/50 should be about doing what is best for the children - a fair split of time so the child knows both parents equally. But that’s not what’s happening - dad is persistently absent over night. All this sounds like is just maintenance avoidance rather than what might be best for the child. Why are you so set against doing what a young child would like?

itsgettingweird · 01/10/2022 13:28

allboysmum3 · 29/09/2022 16:18

I disagree with most here. If dad is away on his weekend then it should revert back to the mother for childcare. Mother trumps dads gf in my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️

Parents and step parents don't provide "childcare".

They parent.

The stepmum is a stepparent and the dad has decided he can be left with her overnight.

Therefore the mum isn't the parent that weekend.

TooMuchToDoTooLittleInclination · 01/10/2022 13:28

@OneMoreNameForMe

if it's 2/7 nights. It would depend (for me) on the logistics. If it would mean a lot more transportation if said child OR dad woukd see the child a lot less, then child just needs to stay at Dads house, but if it's nearby and wouldn't change how much time Dad sees them, then I can't see why the child can't stay at mums.

would mum then start asking for CMS?

is this a one off or frequent??

pitchforksandflamethrowers · 01/10/2022 13:33

How is it that people keep missing that sm isn't dads girlfriend but his wife...

Even in the op it explains dad has remarried and his wife is DSC step parent not girlfriend.

So kinda clues in title

HappyHamsters · 01/10/2022 13:37

Why is the feiend even getting involved, the parents have shared xustody, either child goes to dads as planned and spends 2 nights out of 7 without dad but will be perfectly safe but might moan because they cannot use the ipad or mum takes them. Its nothing to do with the friend.

Thereisnolight · 01/10/2022 15:52

roarfeckingroarr · 29/09/2022 20:21

@JOFFCV you sound lovely

Agree. There are plenty of lovely stepmums out there.
But there are also the deranged and the downright nasty.