Leaving a child with step-parent overnight: what's the law?

[OneMoreNameForMe]

Hello,

If the parents of a child are separated, and both parents have re-married, what are the rules on leaving their child with one of their step-parents overnight (without the bio parent there)?

My friend is in this situation. Her child is being left overnight with stepmother as it's dad's night, but he's away. Friend has offered to have her child those nights, but dad won't agree.

Any advice/ guidance?

So neither parent should work if it's their "time" with the child?

Of course not, but if the other parent is available, it's better for the child to be with them, especially in this case where the child has said they want to be with mum.

If there's a custody order or parenting plan, some have inserted the ROFR. So if the parent who should have then isn't available, the other parent is asked first.

I don't think its always better. For example if parents live a long distance apart then breaking up a contact period of a few days with a long car journey for one night probably wouldn't work. I don't think you can make blanket statements about what is better in all cases.

My DSD would disagree with you on that. Total daddy's girls and adores her dad but she also loves our girls shopping trips, baking days, craft days etc.

My DP has 50/50 custody of his kids. If he's not available during his designated days, I look after the kids. This means they're routine isn't disrupted and they aren't passed back and forth more than necessary.

Communication with DSDs mother is difficult so it's easier to sick to the arrangement in the custody agreement.

And as much as people seem to love to slate SPs and disregard their importance in a childs life, I do believe it's important for DSC and SP to bond and spend time together. As far as I'm concerned, the more adults a child has loving and looking out for them the better.

Blended families are getting more and more common and really only work when adults behave like adults.

Yes!
Exactly the same here couldn't have said better.

My DSS's mum, if she saw this, would probably agree with the mum in this situation, and that it's not fair that I look after DSS (school run, after school care, bath dinner and bedtime) on the two days a week DH works in the office (only one of these per week falls during contact time), and that she should be first in line to provide care if DH is not available.

If it was pointed out to her that her partner takes DSS to school two mornings a week while she works, during which time DSS's dad (DH) is available and more than happy to pick him up from hers and give him breakfast/get him ready for school, it would probably be argued that this is "different", and absolutely can't be compared 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think that schedules should be kept to where possible, to keep the child's sense of timing in place. If a stepparent is willing to care for the child when needed and actively wants to build a relationship with that child, surely that can only be a positive thing?

I’m sure a little person would rather be with their parent than a step parent, isn’t that the priority? Especially over night.

How is this an issue? I've had my sd loads overnight while my hubby had to work away

Because their mother needs to interrogate them, even if they are 3, so they say they prefer being with her.

Well that would depend on how far away the child is when they are with the dad and step-parent and what night it is. I wouldn't , for example, expect DD's dad, who lives over an hour away, to bring her home halfway through his time with her and then collect her again the next day, if there was another adult he trusted to take care of her. What would the child gain from being pushed from pillar to post for the sake of 1 or 2 nights?

The father of my children has gone overseas and not notified me. The children haven’t told me and have been still going to their dads house on the weekends as step mum is there. He was a toxic person and has requested 50/50 holiday split and alternate weekends and this is the second time this year he has none overseas without the boys for a lengthy time. Last time I found out too late and he was back before I couldn’t do anything and didn’t have concrete Evidence. Plus when we I asked the children they would lie and say no he is home. They’re protecting their father. This time when I found out I asked them in their return and they weren’t forthcoming but did say eventually that yes he is not in the UK.

Now as a parent I don’t know where I stand legally in this situation as the contact is for father, yet he is abroad.

Am I able to refuse sending them?

This is a really old thread.

But there is no law you can use to stop him doing this.

His contact time is his decision. The fact it's rather telling your children don't want to tell you. Have you thought that maybe the kids are quite happy to stay with step mum ? But they feel like they can't say that to you.

You can get a CAO that the other parent gets the offer of "first refusal" if the parent isn't going to be there.

No law but family court would look at it like Dad has parental responsibility so can choose to use '3rd party' childcare as long as kids safe / no safeguarding issues etc.

Ex and I are amicable we wouldn't use 3rd party for overnight stays unless for some reason (hasn't happened yet) neither of us are available but we are typically very flexible. We outwardly back each other especially over trivial things about not being allowed ipads / screen time etc.