Leaving a child with step-parent overnight: what's the law?

[OneMoreNameForMe]

Hello,

If the parents of a child are separated, and both parents have re-married, what are the rules on leaving their child with one of their step-parents overnight (without the bio parent there)?

My friend is in this situation. Her child is being left overnight with stepmother as it's dad's night, but he's away. Friend has offered to have her child those nights, but dad won't agree.

Any advice/ guidance?

We have no idea how lovely or otherwise mum is. Most replies have assumed that mum has a similar level of decency as each poster.
If my partner asked DSD’s mum if she preferred to have DSD with her on a weekend he had to be away for work mum would say yes. And then fill DSD’s head full of crap about how dad doesn’t want her. And yes, of course DSD would prefer to be with her mum than looked after by me. But sadly that would not be psychologically the best solution for her. The fallout would take months to unpick.
I’m not saying that that the mum in this case is like that, though the iPad example does imply a less than balanced perspective. I’m just saying that, in reality, it’s not always just a simple case of a child being better off with one of their parents. :-(

I didn't know that was a thing. That's what I've always done and what my childs Father does now too.

Not picking arguments but what's the difference if she went to you and then went home and told her Mum that Dad wasn't even there? Then surely that gives her the same ammo.

The bio mother has no beef with the stepmom. That is not the issue at hand.

The dad is away for two nights, over a 7 day contact period.

The care split is 50/50. No child support is paid by either party.

And yes, of course the bio mum wants her child a bit more. What mother wouldn't? And it isn't because anyone dislikes the stepmom.

I asked earlier but you didnt reply op. How old is the child and are there step siblings involved?

Haha my own child didn’t like me because I said no to iPad usage. He wanted to be with someone else because they allowed unlimited usage.

I ignored. He’s since gotten over

How old is the child? that's a long stretch for a young child to not see their Mum on a regular basis.
My friend has 50:50 of her secondary school child and he missed her a lot on a 4/3/3/4 until he was about 9 or 10.

How do you know its wife?

No where did anyone say wife.

If you can not read the op maybe you should not be commenting?

The fact that the op says both parents are remarried I am guessing it’s safe to assume, there’s a wife.

14th word in the op if you need a clue, you know literally the first line you read 😳

Because they weren’t allowed the iPad?? Ffs. So not too young to sit infeont of a screen whilst with their mother then? I would say the child would be better having quality time with their step mum than sat infront of a screen with their mum.

We should make a MN crossword

4 letters....clue re-married

I missed the "both" bit. That's interesting. If the mother is out and the SD is home who looks after the child? Does the mother suggest the dad look after him rather than SD, because, y'know a child should always be with a parent apparently

So it's 50:50 custody and the dad is out two nights so step mum watches the kid? Why would you disrupt that and send the kid back to mum? So if your friend went out, the kid should go back to dad rather than someone else watch her?

@itwasntmetho fair question. It doesn’t happen often that I look after DSD overnight and its generally one night or two out of a seven day block (50/50) so doesn’t stand out for DSD as a big event. Whereas if my partner asked her mum if he could pick her up a day or two late or drop her off early then that would be manna from heaven for her to manipulate DSD. That’s our world. I’m so heartened by all of the mums on here respond with their common sense and normalness- it reminds me we have an extreme situation.

This is a complete guess. But, I would guess, step mum looked after child. Child was actually done with it, until the ‘no iPad’ but and had a moan to their mum. Their mum has now decided, the the child doesn’t want to stay with step mum and isn’t happy that the step mum set a rule. Then has gone straight for ‘I bet it’s illegal’.

It’s entirely normal for a parent to sort out their own childcare. It’s also normal for children to loan about a rule they don’t like.

Whats not normal is jumping to ‘is this legal?’

So the child is with him 5/7 nights of his contact? I'd be telling your "friend" to get over it to be honest and put her energy into something else other than finding some kind of legality against it.

Well it does seem a bit weirded when the mum is happy and the child is happy to be at home when the dads not there why they can’t be. Don’t get why the sm would want to babysit instead

I feel for the mother. It seems such a waste of time she could be spending with her young child if the father isn't there.

I find it weird how nobody ever feels for the father in the opposite situation. Like it's so heartbreaking for a mother to be away from her child, but if a dad only sees his child EOW so be it.

I think far to many people feel for the father on this site catfordthefifth a man simply cooks dinner once a year and is hailed a hero!

FFS. If dad is persistently unavailable and mum wants to spend time with the child and the child wants that too, why on Earth should the child be forced - because that’s what this is - to stay with the step mum? It’s absolutely ridiculous that a parent and child are being kept a part for no other reason than ‘this is my time and I will have it’.

2 nights in a 7 night period I'd say it's sensible. Otherwise the poor kid is back and forth like a yo-yo. And would mum be happy to do all the drinking back and forth?

@Catfordthefifth in this situation he has 50/50 bit isn't present - so it's sad that both mother and child miss out on time together. And for what? So he can avoid paying maintenance while his girlfriend babysits?