Booked a few days away and DH sulking because of DSC

[SomeSortOfName]

Was with a friend yesterday and we have talked loads before about booking a few days away with our toddlers to Disney Paris.

Talking about it again yesterday and decided to book it as we found a good deal. It's only 2 nights and is during term time 2023.

Told DH when I got home and he's sulking because DSC have never been and it's unfair and I should have spoken with him so we could have arranged to go together.

AIBU to think this is so ridiculous.

Firstly, there is a massive age gap between DC and DSC so would be an entirely different trip.

Secondly, it's a couple of days in a year's time, I didn't think I needed his permission or that he'd even care. I paid with my own money.

Thirdly, he's never expressed any desire to go and we still can if he's that bothered, there's no rule to say you can only go once in your life.

Everything has to be poor DSC, it drives me mad.

Sod that OP. You don’t put your life and your own experience of motherhood on hold to spare your DH’s feelings, or his DSc’s if you want to look at it that way. If he wants to take all his kids to Disneyland then make it clear he can crack on.

There is a 10 year age gap with my DC, I am the main carer and I do exactly what I like with them. It’s my time with my kids too - no way would I compromise for DSS.

I dunno, I kinda get it. Disney is a big deal for kids isn't it. I think even if I didn't have DSC, If my DP booked to go away with our LO I'd be kinda gutted I wasn't there for their first time going.

As a stepmum I wouldn't even consider taking mine away without my DSC. We're a family after all.

It’s only me my DH and our kids and I wouldn’t book a holiday without discussing it
Not asking permission,and we earn much the same,but I would definitely discuss

I really can't imagine booking to go on a break to another country with my dc and not speaking to my dp about it first.
If dp did that to me I would be devastated to be honest, but then Disney would be the kind of thing we'd both expect to do together with our child.
If DP said he'd rather not go, it's not for him etc, then I'd look to go with a friend or family member so dc could experience it.

But then I also don't undertand the my money, his money aspect.
Each to their own, but our finances are joint so I cant imagine thinking this way and spending hundreds or more without speaking about it first.

Toddlers can get overwhelmed by Disney, usually better to go when older. Can’t imagine not discussing a holiday with DH before booking. DH enjoyed Disney as much as DS when we went! He wouldn’t have liked to have been left at home

Your poor DSC! I'm with your DH

DLP is one of those places you can go with multiple different age children. I can see why hes upset

Then we can go? I'm not suggesting we can't go together as well. Don't see why that means I can't also go another time with a friend with similar aged children.

DSC have also been before when they were younger if that's relevant.

I think he is being shitty because you didn't risk to him about it first, but the end result is the same, isn't it? You are going with your friend and your DC. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I'm free to book trips without discussion first. I would only hold off if I thought it would impact DH in any way.

Because you didn't SPEAK*

You said In your original post that they had never been, now you’re saying they have?

I’m with everyone else, I wouldn’t book a holiday without at least discussing it with my DH.

Either the DSC have been or they haven't. Which is it?

They've never been with us, they went with their mum when they were younger before I met DH.

Me too, I wouldn't book a trip with friends where he'd be left looking after DC for example without speaking with him first. But I don't see what difference it makes to him if I'm taking DC with me.

Only thing that is relevant is you booked "one of those special" trips for your joint DC and did not bother to talk to the childs DF - who you are in a relationship with.

Sorry that bit alone is insensitive

To be fair he has always balked in the past at the idea of going to Disney land. Too many crowds, too expensive, blah blah.

The issue seems to be, as per normal, our DC getting something DSC isn't which is not allowed in his mind.

While I don't think you're unreasonable in taking your SC, I do find it odd that you didn't mention it to your DH at all before booking.

Not in an ask permission way, but more in the "oh by the way me and x friend have found a great deal to DLP for me and toddler to join next year, what do you think?".

I'm guessing you did it this way because there have been many instances where your DH has centred his DC without thinking about your joint DC, and you wanted to put your DC first for once. While I get it, I really do, if you want your relationship to survive, you have to find a different way of communicating this feeling to your DH.

This type of thing contributed to the breakdown of my relationship, so I can easily see how it happens.

*taking your DC

Make a list of everywhere dsc have been. Ask dh how he intends to make it 'fair' on your dc...

To be honest I only didn't mention it because I was with my friend and we booked it there and then. I genuinely did not believe he'd care, it's 2 nights a whole year away. And I believe now if it had been a caravan in Wales he'd not care.

It be different if you had just booked yourself and toddler, but you have booked with a friend and a similar age child, so he is being ridiculous. I would have done same as you and booked without talkibg to DH 🤷🏼‍♀️

Like you say if he wants to take DSC then you can all book

Another one who finds it INCREDIBLY weird that you booked a holiday for yourself and your kids without even mentioning it to their dad. That to me says "we're not a team" and I imagine that undercurrent is present across your whole relationship and causing a lot of tension.

Wanting to take you DC is one thing. If my DH booked a trip like this and didn’t tell me I would be pissed. You haven’t talked to him about it, throw into the mix you DSC and I can see why he’s more irritated. He has 2 children not one and Disney is something I would see as a family opportunity personally. I think it would have been better if you had bothered to at least discuss it with him.

I would personally never Book something like that for my biological kids and not take the step (I hate this word) kids BUT each family is different x

I went to Disney for a few days with my husband when our children were about 5. My stepdaughter came too as my husband thought she would feel left out if she wasn’t there. She was 17 at the time. To be honest it wasn’t enjoyable her being there as she wanted everything to be about her and her enjoyment rather than doing things altogether. Obviously going on toddler rides and seeing princesses is not what a 17 year old wants to do at Disney! I wish to this day she hadn’t come with us.
I think it depends on the relationship your stepchild has with your biological children though. My SD wasn’t interested in the children so that just made things more awkward.
That said I think you should have discussed with your partner first prior to booking.

Are people reading that the OP isn't going on a family holiday but is going away with a friend. Clearly both husbands/partners aren't going so why would OP take DSC?