Booked a few days away and DH sulking because of DSC

[SomeSortOfName]

Was with a friend yesterday and we have talked loads before about booking a few days away with our toddlers to Disney Paris.

Talking about it again yesterday and decided to book it as we found a good deal. It's only 2 nights and is during term time 2023.

Told DH when I got home and he's sulking because DSC have never been and it's unfair and I should have spoken with him so we could have arranged to go together.

AIBU to think this is so ridiculous.

Firstly, there is a massive age gap between DC and DSC so would be an entirely different trip.

Secondly, it's a couple of days in a year's time, I didn't think I needed his permission or that he'd even care. I paid with my own money.

Thirdly, he's never expressed any desire to go and we still can if he's that bothered, there's no rule to say you can only go once in your life.

Everything has to be poor DSC, it drives me mad.

Didn’t you post this already @SomeSortOfName

if not there is a post identical to yours a few weeks ago

I always play the game in this type of scenario op - we both know my dh wouldn't want to go and that my friend, her dd and l will have a fab time with no dh's but he likes to feel that he has at least been considered so l would always run it by him because like clockwork he would say why don't you and * go? - so everyone is happy as he honestly thinks it was his idea.

We have plenty of holidays together as a family too.

Think sometimes we all just want our feelings validated and the dsc could just be a red herring

He's right. Always treat all children the same.

Was going to ask the same question.

If he's that upset then he can have a look and try to find a good deal for them all to go.

OP hasn't said this is the only time she'll ever go to Disney has she? In fact, has she not said the exact opposite? She'll be happy for them to all go as a family, but this was something she's always had in mind with her friend and they found a good deal.

Obviously in your view the stepchildren should never be allowed to do anything or go anywhere with their mum otherwise poor child of the OP!!

Except OP is going with her friend and their toddlers, including partners and older SC changes the dynamic completely.

Not everyone has to do everything in a family.

Whether the SC have been to Disney before or not makes no odds. They have two parents who can rectify that if it's something they're desperate to do. We don't know that they'd even be bothered, some kids aren't, depending on their age/interest. My nephew for example Disney with a toddler would be his idea of hell.

OP is.

She's taking her child away. Her SC were taken by their mum. Dad hasn't gone with any of the children. See it's the same.

Op how would you feel if your dh had booked a break with his dsc and a friend and just announced it to you. Would you mind

YANBU to think your child should have holidays sometimes that don;t include your step children, as I am assuming your step children will also get holidays with their mum.

However, if he is your child's father, and you are not in the same country as Disneyland then YABU to assume you can whisk his child out of the country without even speaking to him about it first.

Be careful OP, you are positioning yourself as your child's default parent, and that has far more negative consequences for you than it has positive ones.

Tbh I think its a bit thoughtless of you. Disney is a big deal for most kids and his dc will likely feel very left out.

Except he has more children than that. The OP does not. So him deciding to just take the SC away is treating his children differently.

ideally, discussing it before booking would be what you’d do. Not for permission but because you talk to each other about stuff.

@SomeSortOfName did you not talk to him first because you knew he’d make a big fuss, and the SC are generally a touchy issue?

My Dad did this to me when I was 8. My sisters 12 and 16 got to go, but I didn’t.

I was absolutely heartbroken. I was always told I was loved and equal. And they did this to me. I never liked my step mum in the same way. She knew exactly how I’d feel.

Your DSC and their mum are going to think “why take toddlers who will get overwhelmed and not remember it?” -

Im with your DH and what a good dad he is for it

It’s different. Your dad took two older girls and you were 8. The OP is taking only her own toddler.

what the SC’s mother thinks is neither here nor there. Her opinion about what the OP does with her own child is not relevant in the least.

Disney? Sorry I think you're in the wrong here. And I nearly always support step mothers doing stuff alone with their own kids on here. I'd be upset too if I was your DH.

Surprised at myself actually. I never take the blokes side on MN discussions. Feels a bit weird

I'd never book a trip away with or without DC without at least mentioning it to DH first! It's not a case of asking permission, but of simple respect!
And as far as the DSC are concerned, YABVU, Disney is a huge deal to kids, and all they're going to see is DC getting a big fun trip and they get nothing. Not exactly how I'd want my kids relationship with their siblings to be.

Fair enough. Waste of money though. Toddler won’t give a shit 🤣

Thing is that the SC may never even notice. It’s a toddler going away with its mum and her friend while they are at school (and not at dad’s at all presumably). The alternative, SC centred version of that trip may be entirely unaffordable and their dad has never shown an interest in making that happen.

They are half siblings. Sometimes their mums will do things with them that create differences. No one would be making a fuss if the SC’s mum was taking them to Disney. There’d be no ‘poor DC’ anywhere.

I would be absolutely furious if my DH booked a trip abroad with my DC and without me, without even discussing with me!

Have you posted this before because there was an identical thread... including destination...not long ago

I'm sure as long as took their joint child along as well she'd be fine. Because you know he's dad to all of them. OP has her own child and the SC have a mum who takes them away.

I can imagine the DH would feel he wanted to be included in his toddler’s holiday. I would.

Why didn’t you discuss it with him? There must have been a reason. It’s the sort of thing you would talk about in a marriage.

YABU for booking it without discussing it first so no wonder he’s not happy

Well no that's not the same. Your dad is the parent of all 3 of you. OP is the parent of 1 child. The SC have already been with their mum and OP is happy for them all to go as a family as well.

Precisely.

Doubt it. It’s just always Disney when this issue comes up…