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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Booked a few days away and DH sulking because of DSC

294 replies

SomeSortOfName · 31/07/2022 12:55

Was with a friend yesterday and we have talked loads before about booking a few days away with our toddlers to Disney Paris.

Talking about it again yesterday and decided to book it as we found a good deal. It's only 2 nights and is during term time 2023.

Told DH when I got home and he's sulking because DSC have never been and it's unfair and I should have spoken with him so we could have arranged to go together.

AIBU to think this is so ridiculous.

Firstly, there is a massive age gap between DC and DSC so would be an entirely different trip.

Secondly, it's a couple of days in a year's time, I didn't think I needed his permission or that he'd even care. I paid with my own money.

Thirdly, he's never expressed any desire to go and we still can if he's that bothered, there's no rule to say you can only go once in your life.

Everything has to be poor DSC, it drives me mad.

OP posts:
RedWingBoots · 31/07/2022 16:21

While you should have mentioned it to him at the time of booking e.g. by text, there is nothing stopping him taking all his own children on a trip without you.

Myself and DP have been to theme parks with different aged children and it's a bloody nightmare. It works best when children are the same age group/heights. So now either we both go with our DD and preferably a friend with same aged kids, or DP goes with his older DC and similar aged kids.

WhippedSoap · 31/07/2022 16:21

I can't imagine booking to take our young child(ren) to DLP with a friend without mentioning it to DH.

Does he not want to experience that with his child too? If DH came home and said that he was taking our 3yo to Disney with a mate and didn't think to include me I wouldn't be happy.

Is that the issue? Or is he not bothered about experiencing things with his children and partner?

CharlieAndTooManyCharacters · 31/07/2022 16:22

I bet the prospect of a trip with all his children, on his own, is not very appealing to him.

RocketsMagnificent7 · 31/07/2022 16:24

And as far as the DSC are concerned, YABVU, Disney is a huge deal to kids, and all they're going to see is DC getting a big fun trip and they get nothing. Not exactly how I'd want my kids relationship with their siblings to be.

Not to all kids and they've already been. It's two nights in Paris not two weeks in Florida. They will have plenty of things they do with their mum. Should OP's child never be allowed to have experiences without their siblings present? Or is she only allowed to do things when the SC are with their own mum living a normal life with holidays, events, day trips, special treats.

Fair enough. Waste of money though. Toddler won’t give a shit 🤣

Maybe yours didn't. Others will. They may not totally remember but OP will and I'm sure she'll capture the cute moments on camera so her child can see in the future. Maybe next year they'll be closer to pre-schooler age and will get loads out of it.

Midlifemusings · 31/07/2022 16:29

Honestly if your DH had just booked a couple days vacation with only his DSC at Disney and not told you or invited you, you and this whole website would be pissed at him.

Scepticalwotsits · 31/07/2022 16:31

lets gender flip it and seen the reactions on here.

OP you are out of line. You don’t need to ask permission, but it’s a trip that requires at least meantioning you are planning it.

tbh it seems like you see DSC as a second class child in your household

RenegadeMatron · 31/07/2022 16:32

Midlifemusings · 31/07/2022 16:29

Honestly if your DH had just booked a couple days vacation with only his DSC at Disney and not told you or invited you, you and this whole website would be pissed at him.

Agree.

MzHz · 31/07/2022 16:35

dworky · 31/07/2022 15:22

He's right. Always treat all children the same.

The children have been to DLP with their mother.

op is going with her toddler.

there is no unfairness here at all. There is no reason why the H can’t take his kids away- even just his oldest kids - whenever he wants to.

treating kids fairly isn’t making sure they all do all the same things all the time.

even with full siblings there are things one will do that the other may do differently but of similar importance/value/fun

lickenchugget · 31/07/2022 16:35

How will the DSC even know? There’s plenty for toddlers to enjoy, my DC loved it, don’t let those saying it’s a waste of time put you off.

MzHz · 31/07/2022 16:40

The H in this story has 3 kids that he is responsible for parenting - building a relationship with, caring for, raising

op has 1 child.

the dsc kids have their mother who arranges things to do for her kids with the op H. Op H could arrange an activity that’s age specific to his older 2 and just take them. This is not all in/all out scenario. Having a toddler at something for teens will ruin their experience

having a teen at a toddler event will change it too. It’s a Balancing act that the H is solely responsible for getting right, not either of the women who are rightly focusing on their children first and Foremost

excelledyourself · 31/07/2022 16:40

Midlifemusings · 31/07/2022 16:29

Honestly if your DH had just booked a couple days vacation with only his DSC at Disney and not told you or invited you, you and this whole website would be pissed at him.

The lack of discussion and not taking the partner is a possible issue in both scenarios.

But in that scenario, there would be the definite issue that the DH was only taking some of his children with no discussion.

OP is taking all of her children.

Afterfire · 31/07/2022 16:44

I think you’re unreasonable. You should have discussed it with your dh before booking it. It’s incredibly weird that you also used “your money” - don’t you share money for stuff like this? The whole thing screams to me that you’re more of a single parent / separate to your dh. It’s really odd.

Original poster
SomeSortOfName · 31/07/2022 16:50

Govesdancingpartner · 31/07/2022 15:49

Op how would you feel if your dh had booked a break with his dsc and a friend and just announced it to you. Would you mind

I'd ask him when he was taking our DC away but other than that no.

OP posts:
RocketsMagnificent7 · 31/07/2022 16:56

Midlifemusings · 31/07/2022 16:29

Honestly if your DH had just booked a couple days vacation with only his DSC at Disney and not told you or invited you, you and this whole website would be pissed at him.

Yes because he has another child whom he would be excluding. Huge difference.

Should the SC never get to do anything with their mum, as OP's child appears not to be allowed to have nice experiences with their mum. Or should common sense prevail, all children get to enjoy holidays, days out etc with their own mum separately and with their dad together?

eurochick · 31/07/2022 17:00

I can't imagine booking a trip away with my child without discussing it with the person I am in a relationship with and who is the child's father. That just seems really odd to me, regardless of any stepchildren.

Original poster
SomeSortOfName · 31/07/2022 17:01

Him turning around and saying he's going to Disney with DSC is not comparable. He'd be excluding our child, who is also his child just as much as DSC.

I'm not excluding any of my children. And if he said we could go all together too I'd not be bothered. Especially if it was somewhere id previously scoffed at the idea of going to.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 31/07/2022 17:02

Tell him he should book a trip just him and his son and have a nice holiday together.

Original poster
SomeSortOfName · 31/07/2022 17:04

The difference i guess is the fact I'm in a relationship with him because he never seems to care that DSCs mum books holidays with them without discussing it with him beforehand as 'the father of her children'.

Regardless, I believe his reason for being mad is DSC, not because I didn't ask first. Be wouldn't care if it were a weekend in Wales as I say.

OP posts:
Original poster
SomeSortOfName · 31/07/2022 17:04

And no I've not posted this before.

OP posts:
Original poster
SomeSortOfName · 31/07/2022 17:05

IncompleteSenten · 31/07/2022 17:02

Tell him he should book a trip just him and his son and have a nice holiday together.

No problem with that, providing he looks to do the same with our child of course.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 31/07/2022 17:08

The communication and sulking in your relationship sounds exhausting.

WhippedSoap · 31/07/2022 17:10

The difference i guess is the fact I'm in a relationship with him because he never seems to care that DSCs mum books holidays with them without discussing it with him beforehand as 'the father of her children'.

So you want the same relationship that she has with him then? Two separate parents who don't discuss things with eachother?

Original poster
SomeSortOfName · 31/07/2022 17:11

WhippedSoap · 31/07/2022 17:10

The difference i guess is the fact I'm in a relationship with him because he never seems to care that DSCs mum books holidays with them without discussing it with him beforehand as 'the father of her children'.

So you want the same relationship that she has with him then? Two separate parents who don't discuss things with eachother?

No, obviously not. I was musing aloud about what the difference is between the two situations.

OP posts:
WhippedSoap · 31/07/2022 17:13

It's really not obvious though. You don't seem to view you and your DH as a team, DSC issue aside.

Original poster
SomeSortOfName · 31/07/2022 17:15

WhippedSoap · 31/07/2022 17:13

It's really not obvious though. You don't seem to view you and your DH as a team, DSC issue aside.

Well I guess the reason it's pissed me off more is that you can't really put the DSC issue aside. Because that is his main issue. Do you think if I'd asked first he'd suddenly not have had an issue with DSC not going?

OP posts: