Booked a few days away and DH sulking because of DSC

[SomeSortOfName]

Was with a friend yesterday and we have talked loads before about booking a few days away with our toddlers to Disney Paris.

Talking about it again yesterday and decided to book it as we found a good deal. It's only 2 nights and is during term time 2023.

Told DH when I got home and he's sulking because DSC have never been and it's unfair and I should have spoken with him so we could have arranged to go together.

AIBU to think this is so ridiculous.

Firstly, there is a massive age gap between DC and DSC so would be an entirely different trip.

Secondly, it's a couple of days in a year's time, I didn't think I needed his permission or that he'd even care. I paid with my own money.

Thirdly, he's never expressed any desire to go and we still can if he's that bothered, there's no rule to say you can only go once in your life.

Everything has to be poor DSC, it drives me mad.

You know, in my already starting to fret about it Christmas outings. I have no clue when DSD will be here and when she won't be here.
Options are:

1. Don't book anything, my kids miss out
2. Book stuff for myself DH and kids and hope she's not meant to be with us or I'll have wasted £££ as DH wouldn't be able to go anymore
3. Book stuff including DSD and hope she is meant to be with us or I'll have wasted £££ for a child who's not there

I don't have any control ovee this as I'm not either of the parents. To be fair, the parents don't have much control either as DSDs mum lost her job during Covid and has been having the worst luck ever trying to make new jobs work so we have been as flexible as humanly possible. But regardless I don't get to tell her parents "I've booked this so she's coming" so we could flail around for weeks negotiating while stuff books up. But my point is if a visit to Santa is such a ballache when you don't have any real say, I can imagine thinking "oh id like to take my own kids away for 2 days, let's commence negotiations about the DSC" (who's paying the extra to go during school holidays? Not me!) would be a real nightmare.

@Yousee book what your kids want to do, book for H and if he can come, great, if not, take a mate as back up. Tell h you’re booking it, ask him if dsd wants to come, will he cover it and if you h can’t get himself and Christmas dates organised, don’t book their tickets and send him the link to add to or buy additional tickets

don’t allow you kids to miss out

*Told DH when I got home and he's sulking because DSC have never been and it's unfair and I should have spoken with him so we could have arranged to go together.

Thirdly, he's never expressed any desire to go and we still can if he's that bothered, there's no rule to say you can only go once in your life.

DSC have also been before when they were younger if that's relevant.

To be fair he has always balked in the past at the idea of going to Disney land. Too many crowds, too expensive, blah blah.

You lose credibility because youre story changes.

If they have never give SD you initially said, why didn't you correct him when he said that?

Then you say he's never expressed an interest...but change it to he has balked at the idea of going.

Quire honestly I believe what you said initially and you're backtracking.

I'm not saying the DSC should go...but you're clearly lying.

Why not make a list of events you are taking your child to, send it to your dh and ask which he will be bringing his dc to, telling him to confirm with the dm? Tell him what date you will be booking.

This!

Then you say he's never expressed an interest...but change it to he has balked at the idea of going.

I'm confused how this is different?

Not showing an interest to me means not wanting to go somewhere, as does balking at the idea of something. The two are not opposites of each other.

Although agree re the never been/have been.

Although it makes not one bit of difference to me whether the DSC have already been or not.

Even if they haven't as per the original OP, it doesn't mean OP shouldn't be able to go with her child.

She shouldn't only be allowed to do things with her child that DSC have already done with their own mum. Seems silly.

We’re a family. So ideally we book most activities for when SD is with us.

Of course we don’t hibernate when she’s not, so yes we do some activities. Usually the things she’s already done/too old for.

I get it can be hard and you want your own ‘bubble’ but being with someone who has a child is a choice and that has implications. Do I find this easy all the time? Absolutely not.

*Not showing an interest means its not been mentioned on my list of places I'd like to go, or I've never talked about wanting to go.

Balking at the idea, means it's actually been mentioned and I have vocalised that I don't want to go and as the OP said...moaned about the long queues there... which would mean it has actually been discussed.

If it had in reality been discussed previously, then why wouldn't she say, "we've spoken about Disney land Paris before and you always complained about the queues and waiting around*

This is very subjective and depends entirely on how the individual uses language. If my DP and I had discussed something and he'd had a few complaints about going I might later say "you've never seemed interested in going", as in, you seemed like you didn't want to.

@aSofaNearYou

This is very subjective and depends entirely on how the individual uses language. If my DP and I had discussed something and he'd had a few complaints about going I might later say "you've never seemed interested in going", as in, you seemed like you didn't want to.

I really don't think it's subjective at all... and as I said, she would have said, but you've complained, it's too expensive, complained about the crowds and the queues.... this is what she subsequently said his comments were. It doesn't make sense for her not to have said thst for him immediately.

I know you like to defend SMs come hell or highwater 😃 ....but the opening post here painted one picture which significantly changed and that's not a dripfeed..it's a whole different story.

Balked and not shown an interest are by no means the same. They're very different.

His alleged comments demonstrate he was positively against going.

I've literally just explained how it is subjective... because I would probably say the same thing. So evidently there are people who might say "you've never seemed interested" when you mean "you've complained about the prospect when we've spoken about it in the past".

So evidently there are people who might say "you've never seemed interested" when you mean "you've complained about the prospect when we've spoken about it in the past".

As opposed to saying, you've actually been very against it?

Okay...then.

Yes. As I said, some people use language differently to others. Some are very direct, some beat around the bush a bit, so you can't say with certainty "you would have said X"

Anyway... that wasn't the only thing that didn't add up...like the stepkids have never been...then suddenly...oh yes they have been when they were little.

Loss of credibility.

I think perhaps you got caught up in the moment here with your friend. Did she go ahead and book as well?
Just put yourself in his shoes a moment, you have older children and a toddler with a partner, they go ahead and book Disney for the toddler and themselves to go, no discussion. You would be ok with it? I do think he's entitled to be miffed. I get what you're trying to do with the trip, just a cosy friends weekend away thing. I don't think that's terrible but no discussion at all isn't fair. Perhaps you know deep down it's not really inclusive to do this and were worried that he would have a problem with it so thought booking it would mean you're going now anyway. It's not really what marriages are made of. No need to be joined at the hip, you can and should go away separately but discuss first.

ZOMBIE!!!

ZOMBIE!!!

Thanks, sleep dep is real